DESIDERIUM

twelve

Once I find a spot on some rocks that I climb up on, I let out a loud sigh and put my head in my hands, pulling my hair.

I always run when things get difficult. I tend to dislike people that do that, especially in books when the main character just can't communicate and always makes matters worse.

Maybe I am one of those people.

It's just easier that way... ignoring things until they're long gone and forgotten. Especially when facing it hurts so much.

But that's not how life works, you can't run from everything, all the time.

And this is really brought home to me when I hear footsteps in the distance and soon the voice of one of my mates is heard.

"Rafael?"

I don't react for a few seconds, then Adrian shouts my name, telling me that they know I'm here and I sigh, not really in the mood to talk. Not to them, not to anyone.

"I'm up here," I tell them, looking down for only a few seconds, when Levi catches my eyes I shuffle back to edge, sitting down with my legs pulled to my chest, my head on my knees.

I can hear them climbing up, Adrian curses loudly once and I almost smile, but I don't.

Once their up, I look at them and while Levi gives me a small smile, Adrian just looks at me blankly.

Levi is the one that actually dares to sit down next to me, not touching me, but considering the big space, still sitting very close to me.

Adrian does the same after I still don't do or say anything, sitting down on my other side.

If it were anyone else I'd feel cornered, caged even, but with them... I don't. Even after all the shit that happened between us, they'll always have that calming and comforting effect on me, it may not be as strong as it used to be, but it's still there.

I blame the mate bond. Stupid mate bond.

"I feel like we need to talk," Levi says after some time of us just enjoying the view, and I turn to look at him, waiting for him to continue.

When he doesn't, I sigh, knowing that that would probably be for the best, but dreading it already.

"Maybe that would've been the best from the beginning," Adrian agrees, and I nod, knowing that he's right. I pull my legs closer to my chest, wrap my arms around them, searching for some comfort.

"Alright so, uhm, to be honest, I don't know where to start," Levi admits sheepishly with a hesitant smile on his face and I can't help but think that he looks really fucking adorable right now.

So I look away, not wanting to look at them, seeing their faces when they'll... they'll reject me as their mate.

"Can you just... just get it over with?" I ask in a small voice, my wolf howling loudly in my head, not ready for what's about to come.

"What? Get over what?" Levi asks with clear confusion in his voice, which suddenly irritates me, because how can he act so clueless?

"Just- just fucking reject me already!" I state, throwing my hands in the air, a glare on my face, just so they can't see how badly I really hurt.

Sometimes everything just hurts.

"Rafael," Adrian says, and they way he says my name makes my chest tighten and put a hand on heart, rubbing against it, I don't know why, to make it stop?

"Don't say my name like that," I whisper, feeling lightheaded.

"Rafael," he murmurs and an inaudible breath leaves my mouth when his fingers graze my chin delicately, turning my face into his direction.

When our eyes meet, my mouth opens slightly, his eyes following the action, but soon he's looking me in the eyes again, his hand now pushing a strand of my hair aside.

"Do you really think we would reject you?" he asks and if it weren't for my stupid heart beating stupidly loud in my chest, distracting me, I would've laughed right into his face.

"We-we would never... never dream of it," Levi prompts, and I pull my head away from Adrian, his touch.

Instead I swallow harshly, looking out into the landscape in front our eyes, asking myself if this is a dream.

"I don't know what you're trying to say... b-but don't just go throwing around stuff like that."

Don't get my hopes up. Don't play with me and my wolf's feelings like that.

"We don't want to reject you. That's not what we... no, the opposite-"

"No! Don't!," I interrupt Adrian shakily, standing up abruptly and taking the few steps I'm able to take away from them.

"Not-not if you don't mean it. That's not okay," Levi stands up, and tries to walk toward me, but I shake my head, "no. No! Don't tell me you don't want to reject me. I know you want to!"

Are they mocking me? Making fun of me?

My wolf just shut me out too, the moment he felt some tiny little bit of hope and that hurts, makes me feel even more helpless, all on my own.

"Rafael," Adrian pleads, and the look in his eyes makes me halt, makes me realize that at some point I gotta stop running, that I'm gonna get tired of it eventually.

So I stop. I stop running.

this chapter is dedicated to MonstruoDeLaGalleta
thank you again for pointing
out mistakes!