Degenerate | Riren

XXIII

That Cherry Cola You Serve Is Fine

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Eren shifted uncomfortably in the almost beat-up truck. The more he focused on it, the more its engine made such a funny crackling sound the brunet was certain it wouldn't last another five minutes.

"You sure this isn't going to fall apart?"

Reiner gave him an apologetic smile, "Sorry 'bout the shabby ride, bought it one night for a good price. I'm still working on fixing it up."

"It's fine."

Not that Eren really cared. He wanted to go back to that dive, pay for whatever he broke, and just get it over with. He barely had enough time to shop for the prettiest dresses in town. The day was as short as the skirts Regina George and her clique wore in Mean Girls. Eren resisted a snort, that movie was a bomber.

Despite the calendula sun shining brightly overhead, the shrubby gardens of Shiganshina were soaked in apple-green light: a reflection of endless early spring grasses and plants surrounding and shading stone-bricked houses. It was pleasantly strange, sad, dreamy, and dissociating all at once. No matter how Eren tried his hardest to think of words, there was still no way to truly explain the way the scenery through the window made him feel.

I guess it's one of those things you can't ever really talk about with anyone, he thought.

How this place is like a timeless utopia; one that makes you feel content without knowing why exactly or how. It's just that. . . it felt like home. Somehow it always felt so peaceful here. Maybe it was because the only world he knew was just as big as hell, if not more so, and it reminded him of his small victories after all the hell his father put him into on a daily basis.

But whatever, that was all in the past now.

The ash-blond noticed his lack of interaction. "You look lost in thought."

Eren eyed him instantly when he said that. "What?"

"I've always liked this quiet side of you."

Intensely perplexed, Eren snapped his eyebrows together. "Always?" he asked.

"I catch glimpses of you at the school garden sometimes, getting lost in your head." Reiner said, "I think there's something beneath the surface."

"What do you mean?"

Reiner flashed a warm smile, Eren was sure he'd fall for him if he hadn't already loved Levi. "You're not just the ritzy, spoiled brat princess everyone says you are."

"Maybe they're right." Eren said, pompously.

It wasn't that he didn't like Reiner. He just didn't want to tell him about the real him, or the reasons why he was the way he was. He didn't want to get emotionally invested in someone who seemed likely to break his heart anyway. If he had to admit it to himself, maybe that wasn't true either. Maybe he was afraid of getting close to people because he couldn't trust himself with them. 

But how was Levi so different?

Was it because he was so much older than him? Money? Oh good god, Eren was tormented for a moment. He wanted so much to be someone Levi could depend on but he was always too afraid to be so vulnerable. . .or maybe he was just too afraid to let anyone in.

"That's not true," Reiner said with determination. "I can tell you're a kind person inside."

Eren didn't have anything else to say, which made him a little uncomfortable. He was starting to get an uneasy feeling that Reiner was keeping something back. His thoughts traveled back to Levi and Miss Zoe, he could feel that familiar envy bubbling up inside of him again and it made him furious. He looked out the window at the passing scenery and took a deep breath to calm himself down.