Degenerate | Riren

XXV

When I'm With You

⊱ | ✾ | ⊰

The party was luxurious. To majority, it was a mid-hearty scenery. Champagne glasses cold and sweating in remaining evening heat, soft jazz playing in the background, partygoers exchanged in deep small talk going nowhere at all, and unduly sweet scented candles. To Levi though, it was nauseating. He was after all a human repellent to parties. Maybe if his starlet was there with him, the fireworks in the sky would be blossoms of rainbow light next to heavens stars. Unfortunately, right now, they were noises thundering into his eardrums.

Erwin was tending to his hostly affairs. Hange was drinking alcohol straight from bottles. And Levi stood as cold and stony as a statue in the corner of the hall, observing his surroundings with a glass of Jack Daniel's until three familiar faces neared him.

"Levi Ackerman." Oluo Bozad was first to speak, "The corps misses you." A very self-confident individual with the habit of accidentally biting his tongue. Levi could admit he was glad he was still able to speak.

"I doubt it, Oluo." Levi chuckled, "I see you haven't lost your tongue yet."

Eld Gin and Gunther Schultz laughed in unison after that.

"I'm still plagued with confusion why Erwin spends his time teaching literature when he has a whole shipping fortune." Eld commented.

"Come on, Eld," Gunther convicted, "Hurts no one to let a man live his happiness."

Then as the men engaged in more small talk, ladies in ridiculously expensive dresses and jewelry flocked them like bees to nectar. Oluo, as always, naturally began swaggering to them.

"Mr. Levi Ackerman, it's a pleasure to see you given your distaste for parties." one of them said.

"Good evening," Levi sounded like a robot, but as polite as he could. "I've been in France for the last decade so I figured I'd do Erwin a favor by attending."

"My, how lucky he is to have a friend like you." Another woman chimed in. "Would you like to have some wine with us?" Levi didn't want to be there any more than he already did. Grandeur was something he gave no fucks about, even though he worked his ass off to earn it. Unlike most of the rich, snobby elitists (who were probably kids stuffed in lockers) in the room whose money had been given to them on silver platters. Levi sighed. Society as a whole is a joke.

"Now, ladies, I must retire for the night." he dismissed them courteously. "I've had a tedious drive."

With that, he walked out from the lobby and into a lounge that was more to his liking. It was semi-quiet, lined with mahogany chairs and beige scatter cushions. There was a piano in the corner of the room. He looked around to make sure nobody else was inside with him and decided to try his hand at playing it.

Levi took a seat before it and felt the black and white keys under his calloused fingers, the smooth wooden surface of the piano felt cool against his palms. He felt his eyelids close, hearing the music first in his soul. . . Silence, in the language he spoke before birth, and from there with no translation of words, it came from his fingertips and out into the world.

Levi let the music take him away, feeling the rhythm of the song. The melody seemed to be coming from within him. He was in a trance, and he wanted to stay in the moment forever.

"Levi?"

His music stopped, to the point of eeriness. Her sincere voice made his pulse accelerate. His heart pounding so fiercely he could feel it at the base of his throat. It was the bad kind, and he fucking hated it.

Levi had been avoiding any contact with her for years. He had done her wrong in the past and as much as he still cared for her, he was ashamed of himself. He had hurt her deeply, remembering how she told him she would never forgive him. And Levi had grown accustomed to being okay with that.

After all, he betrayed her.

Ever since then, he had been living in fear of running into her again, but today his luck had run out. He wanted to turn and run away, like the coward he was but he knew he couldn't. The woman slowly approached him, his body threatened to collapse. His jaw hurt from clenching it too hard. He wanted to apologize, to tell her how sorry he had been all this time, but he couldn't find the words.

Levi was frozen in place, until she finally spoke. "It's been a long time," she started. "I didn't think you'd be here this year." She still sounded like soft silk.

The noiret nodded, still saying nothing. She could feel the tension in the air, and knew that this was going to be a very difficult conversation.

"I'm so sorry," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know I should have said something sooner, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it." When the guilt came again to haunt him, he took in a breath. After all this time, it still cut just as deep, but its visits were less frequent and softer in duration. Levi reminded himself that while he could not undo his misdeeds, he would still ask for forgiveness. Even though he knew it wouldn't make a difference.

"Levi, I'm with you," she softened, embracing him from behind. "Everything is brighter when I'm with you."

A puzzle piece fell from his heart, as if it no longer belonged there.

"If your guilt tears at your heart and rips at your insides, you're already forgiven. Come to my heart again and belong." It was true. Her love was forgiveness and it was still his, even after the years.

And her heart had been full of forgiveness, it was her higher form of love: to herself, and especially to Levi. She chose forgiveness, not because Levi deserved it, but because she herself deserved eternal peace; to take control of her life instead of letting bitterness and anger rule it. She was no longer a slave to the emotional prison she constructed and although it took her so long to be free from it, she persevered. She just needed to be stronger. After all, true healing takes time and there are no magic words to wish deep pain away.

The woman embraced him tighter again, and Levi could feel the pain in her eyes. She knew that they had been through a lot, and she wanted to make things right.

His back was still facing her when he uttered her name, "Petra."