~|:|~Poems~|:|~

~|:|~ To My Childhood Trauma, ~|:|~

(Hey guys. This poem is a bit longer than what I usually write, mostly because I had so much to say about this specific topic. This poem is about some minor psychological trauma I faced as a child in the form of emotional abuse, and now that so many years have passed since it happened, I thought now was as good a time as any to finally share it with others. For those of you struggling with any kind of emotional suffering, let this poem be the first stepping stone towards teaching you how to recover. You are strong. You will survive. You will win. You will conquer that suffering and move forward with your life. It may be difficult, but only you can decide to do it. And don't let anybody tell you that it's "not a big deal", or that "it's not traumatic, you're just overreacting". If there's anything I've learned from life and my own experiences, it's that anything can be traumatic to anyone. You don't have to be a war veteran or a victim of sexual abuse to feel the same kind of pain. Just remember that you are the author of your own story. No matter what hurts you, who tries to bring you down, or how others react, you are a strong, beautiful person. So although it may hurt more than you can bear, keep fighting. Don't be afraid to cry every now and then. Don't be scared to kick and scream. Your journey is only just beginning. So live your story. I love you guys. I hope you enjoy the poem~)

If you had asked me
Several years ago
What I thought of you
How I'd felt
After you broke me
Beyond repair
I'd have said

That I hated you for what you'd done
I'd have said
That all my pain 
Was all your doing
I'd have said
That you were

A fucking demon
The worst thing to ever happen to me
The worst human to ever exist
The saddest mistake
A mother could make

I'd have said
I wished death upon you
And then I'd have changed my mind
And said that death was too kind for you
Too easy
Not enough to reciprocate
What you'd brought unto me.

I was such a child.

So broken and full of pain
Which had violently twisted itself around my heart
Engulfing me wholly
As pain slowly
But furiously
Distorted into
Burning hatred
Though behind that hatred
Lied an overwhelming
Crashing
Wave of fear
Fear of you.

I'd spent my foolish youth

In fear of you.
Afraid 
Of you.

You, someone so unworthy of
Taking up so much space
In my mind
In my heart.

And yet you did.

If you asked me now
In the present
What I thought of you
How I felt
After you broke me
Beyond repair
I'd say,

You broke me
Cast me into hopelessness
Damaged my entire existence
Threw me down into a dark pit.

And I survived.

I made it past
the chapter of you
in my life.

I learned how to
turn the page.
Make my own chapter.
Climb up out of that
Miserable
Dark
Pit
That, for some unfathomable reason,
You believed
Would keep me forever.

I picked up all the pieces
Of the me you shattered
And pieced them back together.
I've turned
Into a beautiful
Colorful
Wonderfully chaotic
Mosaic.

I haven't forgotten
What you did
And I never will.

But you will not
Take control
Of my life

Because, as of today
I've decided
To grow
the fuck
up.

And love all the broken parts of me that you almost,
Just barely
Made me want to destroy.

Thank you for the misery
that taught me
how to be strong enough
to forgive you and move on.