RUTHLESS

4

Hunched over in my bed, I held you body in my hands and started at the door. Feeling disgusted, thinking about the shit he just did to me. I was naked and bruised, cut up and treated like a piece of trash. Raped and left for dead in my room, while my momma was passed out in the living room, high off what ever shit she was on. Grabbing the thin sheet that was on the floor, I covered my self up. There are so many emotions I wanna feel right now but none of them feel right. Shame? Guilt? Sadness? Disgust? They all lived in the same house right now and I'm in the middle of it all. I couldn't deal with any of it. I didn't want to. Whatever pride or dignity I had was gone and I couldn't do nothin about it. I couldn't stop it. I was too weak.

Just as I was bout to clean myself up, there was knocking on the door. It kept getting louder, but everything on me hurt so bad that I couldn't get up to answer the door. My head hurt so much to the point I was seeing black spots everywhere and it felt like I was bout to pass out.

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"She's waking up. Lisa, Lisa can you hear me?" I looked around, bright ass lights in my face. I tried to get up but I had to lay back down cuss I had no strength and everything on me felt like it had been destroyed.

"Lay back down honey. Everything is gonna be okay, just lay down." I looked around after opening my eyes a bit and saw I was in the hospital room?

"What... what's goin on? Why am I in the hospital? Where's my mama?" I held my stomach in pain, wanting to cry so bad at how much everything hurt.

"Your in the hospital. Thank god Mr. Lee found you when he did, or else you would've been dead." The male doctor said, trynna touch my head but I flinched back.

"Everything okay Lisa?" Cathy asked me. I couldn't respond to that question because what I wish I had forgot came flooding back like a tsunami.

"Does it hurt anywhere Lisa?" Devon tried to touch me but I push him away from me.

"Don't touch me." Covering myself up, feeling tears running down my face. I could feel his hands all over me, that feeling wouldn't stop.

"Can I have a word with you two outside for a minute?" Cathy and Tim had left me and Devon by ourselves. It made me feel weird and uncomfortable being around him right now. I couldn't even look at him let alone wanna be around him.

"What happened at the house Liss?" Devon asked, bending down beside the bed.

"Nothing."

"Please Lisa, tell me what happened. My dad found you half dead in your room with cuts and bruises everywhere. What happened to you?" He tried to hold my hand but I slapped it away, breathing heavily and looking away. The feeling of me being tied to that bedpost coming back. Tears continuing to run down my face.

"Devon, can you wait outside with your dad please?" Cathy asked him. There was some silence before the door opened and closed again.

"Miss. Davis I'm Doctor Rowe, I'll be in charge of your file from now." I sighed, relieved? Sitting on the bed, with my back facing them, I held my head in my hands already knowing they was gonna ask me shit I didn't wanna answer.

"Im just going to go over, briefly, what happened when you arrived and what will happen now that your awake." I nodded, wanting this to be over and done with.

"When you arrived here, you were bruised and cut up pretty badly. One of the cut wounds almost hit a major artery but no damage was done. You also had internal bleeding and hemorrhaging due to a head injury. We also preformed a rape kit test and..."

"You want me to talk to the cops cuss of this?" I looked at them, already knowing Cathy wasn't gonna let up if I didn't.

"Whatever choice you decide to make is up to you Lisa. I will support whatever you decide, we just think this is the best solution for you. If the police can catch the man who did this, we can lock his ass up and you can get the justice you deserve." Cathy sat beside me, spewing bullshit. I just chuckled cuss she was bat shit crazy if she thought that was gone work.

"It's too late for Justice Mrs. Cathy, the man who did this already won. What more can I do? He can't unrape me." I bit the inside of my lip, feeling the cuts from me bitting it.

"I know how you feel Lisa."

"No you don't, you don't know shit about how I feel." Now I was getting angry. Just listening to everything that they had to say, thinking bout this shitty situation I'm in. Ain't it funny. The doctor came over and sat infront of me, the clipboard on her lap.

"I was raped in college. My attacker was my best friend too. I understand what you're feeling right now: your hurt, angry, ashamed, guilty, sad, and frustrated because you don't know how to feel. You just know that everything is chaotic right now." I wiped away my tears. Not wanting to cry right now.

"What your feeling right now isn't gonna go away with seeing him get locked. I was able to see my attacker put away, thought I still felt shitty, I was relieved to know he wouldn't be able to do that to anyone else. You don't have to talk to the police right this minute. Just think about it."