RUTHLESS

7

"Have you found a job yet?" Mrs. Cathy asked.

Mrs. Cathy and Mr. Tim were visiting me today. From their eyes to their stiff body, I could tell they were uncomfortable being here. This is the first time in weeks they've visited, everything is awkward.

"Still looking. I'm sure I'll find one before the baby is born." I shrugged, wanting to throw up again. Morning sickness has been hitting me hard these past couple weeks, I can't keep anything down but fruit, salads, and chicken nuggets.

"Speaking of that, have you decided what you want to do with it?"

"Unless you want me to be pregnant and homeless, I gotta keep it." It sucks i have to use it as a ticket to live but I have to do what I have to do.

"We don't want you to be homeless, that's the last thing we want. We just want you to eat all of your options." Tim said, touching my hand.

"Exactly. Being a mother is a big responsibility for a child, we just want you to think about it."

"You want me to abort it or give it up for a adoption. Two things I can't do because I need it to survive. If it wasn't for me being a pregnant, rape victim, I wouldn't have found a place to crash at for a couple months." I got up, since visiting hours was almost over.

"Y'all don't have to worry about anything. I'm not y'all responsibility." After walking them out I went upstairs to the room I was in.

I was almost finished with my classes and wanted to get them done with. I decided to get all the classes I had to finish this year out of the way so when the summer came I could just work. After work I'd do my classes, try to get them finished before November or December since the baby is coming around that time.

I need to get my permits so I can start driving too. I want to by a small car so I don't have to walk everywhere when the baby is here.

"Lisa, can I sleep in here with you?" Tiana ran to my feet. Tiana is 6 years old and she's been here since she was born. I heard the foster parents talking about it one day.

"You havin bad dreams again?" She nodded, rubbing her eyes. It was pretty late for her to be up.

"Aight. Let me finish this up and I'll be over there in a second." She ran to the bed, her little feet patterin against the floor. After finished up my work, I turned out the light and laid in bed beside Tiana.

"Can you turn the night light on. I'm scared of the dark." I reached over towards the wall, and turned it on. Miss. Mary had it put in with the crib.

"There you go. Now go to sleep before you grow mushrooms out your ears." She laughed and snuggled up to me. Both of us falling asleep after a while.

{}

"How you been Liss?" My dad asked while my mom sat beside him, lookin beat up.

We were sitting in the den of the foster house while my social care worker was talking with the foster care parents.

"You want me to lie?" I arched my brow, wondering if he knew everything.

"I ain't teach you to lie but ion believe what yo mama told me." He side eyed her. She looked away.

"I got raped by her drug dealin ass Nigga and now I'm a month and half pregnant with his baby. I'm in foster care and being home schooled. How you want me to be dad?" He just sighed and glared at my mom. She wiped her eyes and sniffed.

"What else?"

"She tried to get me to lie and say it happened when she was gone but she was passed out on them drugs. She been doin em since you left. Nothin new." I ain't care at this point. According to the government, I ain't got no parents, I'm a state child now.

"You been doin this shit for 10 years? Now you wanna get yo shit cleaned up cuss they done took our kid cuss of yo negligence. And you was getting at me for shit I can't control and actin like yo shit don't stank."

"I'm sorry Lisa." She cried, getting on her knees and layin her head in my lap - causin the people to come in and stare at this shit show.

"Forgive me. I'm so so sorry." I stood up, removing myself from up under her, feelin trapped. Like someone was still on top of me. That crushin feelin of weight bein forced on me.

"Lisa. Lisa, what's wrong honey?" My social worker came over, placin her hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, unknowingly. Covering my eyes and sittin on the floor, not wanting to be bother at all.

"Lisa, please forgive me. I'm sorry, so so sorry." My mother came beside me, I wasn't trynna hear it though. I needed time to be by-myself in my own little world, away from the rest of it.