RUTHLESS

5

It's been a month since I been in the hospital and my mama hasn't came once. I doubt she even know I'm alive. I might get sent to foster care cuss she hasn't been here and after what happened to me, I'm pretty sure they gone do home visits and a bunch of other shit. I talked to the cops about it but ain't nothin gone get done. At least I've been up walking around and the night and day shift nurses are nice. Cathy wants me to get help for trauma, but she's can't really do much because she's not my family or anything. Devon and Tim don't come to hospital when Cathy comes, I'm sad that I can't see Devon without freaking out. I hope one day I won't feel like this when he's around.

"You ready for your walk today?" The day nurse, Linda, came in all giddy like she always does. It's honestly refreshing to see her because she doesn't pity me. Sympathetic maybe but she never pities me or tries to treat me like something is wrong.

"Yes." I stood up outta bed, holding onto the IV pole thingy, and walked towards her.

"Did you finish your food today; because yesterday you didn't even eat what was brought to you and complained during lunch time about how we don't feed you properly."

"Because y'all make nasty food and expect people to eat it. It's not flavorful and makes me sad." She chuckled a little bit, helping me walk back and forth down the hallway until I could do it on my own.

"It's not meant to be flavorful. It's meant to be nutritious, this is a hospital not a restaurant."

"That's the problem, y'all want people to be healthy. We came in here fat, we wanna leave fat." Nobody dying ever said, give me something nutritious before I go out.

"That's why theres an obesity epidemic in this country."

"And the hospital is giving people bulimia and other eating disorders."

This is usually how my morning and afternoon went. I'd get woken up by the night nurse before she left to get my wounds cleaned up. Nurse Linda would be with me during the day and afternoon, telling to eat nasty foods and helping me shower and re- bandaging my head. We'd walk and have playful banter, and then I'd go back to my room and wait for lunch. Then at night I'd eat dinner and sometimes a snack from the vending machines and go to bed. There's always a standby nurse at night for me because of my nightmares. Sometimes my heart rate will go up too high and I have to get woken up out of my sleep. Cathy would visit every other day to make sure I'm okay before going to work or home and then the day starts all over again. It's like a time loop; everyday is the same day.

After taking my walk, Nurse Linda helped me back in my bed and checked on my head bandage. I had to get stitches because of the hemorrhage, during the night I'll toss and turn in my sleep and it bothers the stitches.

"Everything looks good up here. I just change the bandages since it's been a couple days."

"Okay." As she was changing them, the door opened up and doctor Rowe came inside with her clipboard.

"How's our patient doing today?"

"Everything going good. She's walking a little faster now and has been eating her food. There hasn't been any bleeding on her head and she can hold things now in her own. The cast is still needed because movement is limited at the moment. Her wounds are healing up nicely too. She might need physical therapy since it's taken a while to get her walking." Nurse Linda changed my covers and sheets, while I held myself up.

"Y'all food sucks too. Make sure to add that." They laughed a little, nurse Linda patting my shoulder.

"Well we can't do anything about that but someone is actually here to see you." I scrunched up my face, confused cuss Cathy came yesterday already.

"Who?" The door opened up, a gift basket covering up the persons face.

"Surprise." My mom was smiling from ear to ear. She looked better than the last time I saw her. She looked neat and clean, her hair was thicker now then what was a month ago. This wasn't the type of surprise I wanted though. I was wondering when she actually would come see me but now that she's here I can't even look at her.

"Why you here?"

"A mother can't visit her own child?" I laughed cuss now she wanted to say that.

"I've been in here for a month, so what made you decide to come today? It's not like the police ain't come to the house after I told them what happened. I'm surprised you ain't in jail?" Now that I know she's here, she must've said something to them to make them not lock her up for possession or somethin.

"I was getting my shit together Lis. After what the police told me, I decided to clean up my act." She was lying thru her teeth. She's always been good at lying to save face.

"Nah, you ain't get cleaned up. You just don't want me to tell them what went down since I ain't name you." I knew my mother too well. She wasn't foolin anybody.

"What do you mean by that Lisa?" Doctor Rowe asked.

"Yeah ma, what do I mean by that?" I laid back, ready for her to start lying.

"It's because I wasn't home when it happened. I was out working and I should've been there." She started crying, lying her ass off. One thing my mom was always good is manipulating people, she could turn any situation around to make herself the victim.

"It's okay. With parent classes and therapy, you two can have a better relationship and move forward." Nurse Linda patted my moms back, handing her a tissue.

"Y'all wanna know how that dude got in our house and raped me? I told the police he was already there but I never said how he got in."

"What are you talking about Lisa?" My moms face fell cuss she knew I was bout to tell all her dirty laundry.

"See my mama wasn't at work like she sayin now. I told the cops that my mama wasn't there but she was. She was at the house while I was getting raped in my bedroom. She just couldn't hear me cuss she was passed out from doing drugs that the man who raped me, gave her." Recounting that day, made me angry. She wanted to play victim to save face cuss she a fuckin crackhead. Fuck this, all of this ends today. I stood up, holding the IV pole and walking over to my mother; face to face and fuming.

"Tell 'em ma. Tell 'em how you left me at the bus stop after visiting dad in jail way across town. Tell 'em how you got into his car and left me there and you was high off yo ass doing drugs with the man that tore up our shit and raped yo daughter. Tell 'em how you was passed out and didn't know what happened until i was already gone. Tell them the truth Ma." Her little facade was gone now.

"What you can't speak now? Tell them the truth."

"Lisa..." she tried to grab my hand but I snatched away.

"TELL THEM THE TRUTH! TELL HOW YOU LET THIS HAPPEN TO ME!" My heart monitor was going up.

"TELL THEM HOW YOU WAS COKED UP AND LET HIM RAPE ME! I ASKED AND BEGGED YOU TO STAY WITH ME BUT YOU LEFT ME AND THIS IS WHAT HE DID TO ME! I SCREAMED FOR YOU TO WAKE UP! I CRIED AND SCREAMED FOR YOU WHILE HE RAPED ME ON MY BED BUT YOU WANNA SIT HERE AND PLAY THE FUCKING VICTIM! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT WHAT HE DID TO ME!" The nurses had to sit me down, more of them came in or stood by the door. Watching this shit show. I was hyperventilating and crying and screaming at someone who just didn't care. She just doesn't care about nobody but herself.