RUTHLESS

6

March 4th, 2010

"Welcome to Saint Jude's home for adolescents. We've been expecting you." The lady who runs the foster home greeted me.

After getting out of the hospital and going to court right after everything I said, I got moved to foster care. Miss. Cathy and Tim wanted to be my temporary guardians but it's gone take a couple months to get that figured out, apparently. Honestly, I don't think they wanna deal with the shit i come with. Even if they can't say it, I can see how they act towards me. Especially when they found out I was a month and a half pregnant, who wants a hollerin ass baby in they house.

"This will be your room." I put my back pack down and touched the crib, wanting to throw up a little.

"We understand your, situation, and want to make sure you're comfortable." Lookin at their faces, they were being sympathetic but not in the way they meant it to come off. That pause before 'situation' gave away the little feelings they had towards me.

"Thank you."

"We'll let you unpack then. Dinner will be at 7:45 and tomorrow you have your first appointment with the OB and starting Monday you will be homeschooled." I nodded, licking my teeth and chuckling.

"Alright." I was fine with being homeschooled but then I wouldn't get to see Devon anymore. I hope he's doing okay.

They closed their door on the way out and I sat on the bed, taking everything in. Wondering if I made the right choice by telling the hospital what actually happened to me. It landed me in foster care with a baby to take care of. No money, no job, nothing. Wait till my dad hears about this shit when he gets out.

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Staring down at this ultrasound  picture of this small little bean, I wanted to throw up my fucking brains. I still have recurring nightmares of him and now I'll never be free from him. If I ever see that man again, I'll kill him for what he's done and did to me.

"Lisa?" I looked around, seeing someone running towards me then stopping.

"Devon, what are you doing here?" I stood up, hugging him so tight. Staring at his face, he felt so skinny and looked so sad.

"I was practicing and then I saw you. Are you okay? How have you been? Are they treating you right?" He asked so many questions so fast.

"Slow down. One at a time." He looked at my hand, I forgot I had the picture in it.

"What's that?" He looked, weirded out? Angry? I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"It's a long story."

"I got time." He gestures for me to take his hand, I did and we walked around the park as I recalled the past 2 months. Sitting down at a nearby bench, it was nothing but silence.

"What are you gonna do with it?"

"I don't have money for an abortion. And where I'm at they only lettin me stay there cuss of my "situation". I don't have a choice in the matter." I shrugged, folding the picture and putting it in my pocket.

"I'll support whatever you decide Lis. I'm always here no matter what."

"I know." I laid my head on his shoulder, missing this interaction.

"Oh, here. I got you something since yo birthday passed." He handed me a necklace box and a old phone.

"You didn't have to do that." I looked at the necklace, it was in my favorite color and it was pretty.

"I did cuss I don't think you understand how much I like you." He put it on for me.

"You like me as a friend. I got that part already." I turned on the old flip phone. It was charged up and working. I prolly won't use this.

"I do like you as a friend but it's more than that. I wanna take you on dates and shit like that. I wanna be with you." I scrunched up my face, never thinking he was gonna confess.

"Where is this comin from?"

"I've always like you, for a while now, but when you looked at me like I was threat to you, and you didn't wanna see me in the hospital. I couldn't deal with that. Then you up and left without even sayin goodbye either. It made me realize some shit and from now on, imma be straightforward with you. I don't ever wanna miss another chance to do something." Starin into his eyes, he was being genuine. I must've really hurt him when I did that.

"But I'm pregnant with my rapist baby. I have ptsd and it might take me years to get over everything that happened. Being with me is cause for trouble and..."

"I don't care about that. I like you cuss your you Lisa, everything is else that has happened don't change much for me. I'm not forcin you to like me back right away either. We'll take it as slow as you want. Okay?" I nodded, feelin like nothin I say will change his mind to pick someone else. I don't even think I wanted to convince him to change his mind cuss there is some part of me that likes him too. We'll just have to see how it goes.