RUTHLESS

22

Sittin at the table, Ssiah in my arms, I just told Antonio, my dad and red what I did. It was nothin but silence and sighs.

"2 years Lisa." My dad looked up, visibly upset.

"Why you did that?" Lookin ova at Red, I could tell she was bout to cry.

"You a baby, you deserve to have a childhood. Not stuck in some shitty situation like I was." She wiped her eyes, getting up and going upstairs.

"What'chu thinkin Antonio?" I looked over him, he looked like he was thinking real hard. Calculating? Nah, plotting his next move.

"You up for a job?"

"Depends. What is it?" I looked down at Ssiah, who was sleep on my chest.

"Takin down that whole organization in 2 years." Me and dad both looked at Antonio like he was crazy.

"You gotta be out yo mind Antonio." My dad said, jaw and fist clenched tight.

"Must be to think of that. How you even expect me to do that shit when I got my son?"

"Was you think bout yo son when you made that deal Lis?" Antonio asked, staring at me.

"That ain't fair Antonio." I got up, grabbing Ssia bag so I can leave.

"You wasn't was you? You was only thinkin bout how to get Red out and now you in." Antonio followed me to my car, spoutin shit I ain't wanna hear.

"You think they just gone let you go after 2 years Lis? You smarter than that." Putting Ssiah in his car seat, I made sure to buckle him up and close the door.

"Shit if they wanted to, they could take yo kid and force you to keep workin for them after you done did yo 2 years."

"YOU DONT THINK I KNOW THAT SHIT ANTONIO!" I finally snapped, tired of this shit. He was sayin the same shit I already done beat myself up about.

"I know that at any given day they could take my son away from me and force me to to more shit. I know that already." I wiped my eyes, feeling my chest and throat tighten and tears comin out my eyes.

"I know the game I'm bout to play ain't finna be fair Antonio. I know that after I finish my 2 years they can easily go after Red and Ssiah. I know that."

{}

"You sure you want me to do this Lisa?" My dad asked, helping me load Messiah's bags in the trunk and then shutting it.

"Yeah." I went over to Messiah who was crying in the back seat.

"Mommy." He grabbed onto my face, slob dripping down from his mouth.

"I love you okay. I love you so much baby." I tried to stop the tears from falling down my face, I needed to be strong from him.

"I... love you too." He cried, his chest heaving.

"Listen to me okay, you and grandpa are going to have so much fun okay. Mommy needs to stay here for a little while, but I will be with you before you know it. Okay?"

"Okay." He nodded, snot coming from his nose. I wiped it away and kissed his little face. My heart feeling like it's been broken to tiny pieces.

"I will call you everyday okay?"

"Okay." He gave me a big, sloppy Kiss on my cheek. I made sure to buckle him up tight and then close the door. Going over, I hugged my dad, trynna keep it together.

"Here." I handed him some money and a paper with the address to a house I bought in Aurora and a number he can call to ditch the car.

"Don't stop, don't look. Just go." He nodded. Kissing my forehead, sighing, then getting in the car and leaving.

I stood outside and watched the car leave from my sight, before going back inside and just cried on the floor in Messiah's room. Feeling beat down and defeated.