RUTHLESS

14

April 12, 2013

"Mommy!" Ssiah came runnin down the hallways and hugged my legs.

"Ssiah." I picked him up and kissed his chubby face.

"Stop mommy." He mushed my face, laughin.

"You ready to go? Or should I leave you here with Miss. Debbie." I joked.

"Go home. I wan go home." I signed him out of daycare, and walked to my car.

"You had fun with miss Debbie?" I buckled him in then went to the drivers side and got in.

"Yes. We color pictures and snacks."

"Oh really. What kinda of pictures?" I drove to Popeyes, gettin hungry.

"I color mommy. And papa and nana and Jaja and tri." After getting some food, we drove to Antonio's house.

"You ready to go see papa and nana and Jaja?" I got out, grabbing the food and then grabbing him.

"PAPA!" He shouted when I unlocked the door.

"Ssiah." I put him down and let him go play with Jakayla. Antonio comin into view and huggin me then grabbin Ssiah.

"Wassup lil man? You raisin hell like I taught you?" I smacked my teeth.

"Raise hell."

"I'll see you later Antonio. Stop teachin my son to cuss." I dropped their food off, then went to my old place.

A lot of shit changed in the last two years. After what happened, I still had them Fuckin nightmares but it eventually became a blur when Antonio started puttin me on body bag duty. At first, it was just to fill a vacancy. I go in, watch, remember, help out. It's a good way to let out my aggression, I get to use deserving people as a punching bag then put'em on ice after. My son done grew up on me too. He's two years old and can walk and talk and run around like a normal kid. The only thing that he shouldn't do that we can't help at this point is cuss. His first word was damn. I blame that shit on Antonio.

Antonio also help me get set up with a small place. It's a 1 bed room but it's home. I can't be havin too much shit that's noticeable. I'm only 18, I got lucky with this junk yard car. Can't be havin the feds checkin me out when i gotta kid.

Ive also had a better relationship with my dad. After he came to see me at st. Jude's, he and my social worker came to see me for of the monthly check ins. I decided to give him a chance because I couldn't fault him for what happened. We been workin on our relationship, slowly.

But I don't speak to my mom, I can neva bring myself to look at her or even be in the same room as her eitha. It's just too much. I remember last year when I saw her at the store I go to grocery shop at. I had Ssiah with me too.

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"Ssiah. Which one is the blue box?" I held up the box of yogurt. I was grocery shopping with Ssiah, but I also wanted him to learn colors. Miss. Debbie said he isn't learning as fast as the other kids but I think he's just learning at his own pace. He pointed to the blue box in my hand.

"Good job." I kissed him on his chubby face. Going to where the eggs was at, I grabbed 2 cartoons and then made my way to the cashier to pay.

"You want nanas?" I usually let him pick a couple things he wanted. Right now, all he wanted was Bananas. Maybe cuss it's soft but I don't know.

"Nanas. Nanas." He clapped and kicked the basket.

"Okay okay." I grabbed some then for real went to the cashier.

"Lisa?" I stopped, wanting to never see her in any way, shape, or form.

"I thought I heard your voice baby." My... Alex, said, comin over to me and trynna hug me. I declined on that hug.

"Hi." It's been a good year and a half, maybe, since she came to my old foster home with pops. I hoped I'd never have to talk to her or see her again after that.

"Nanas!" Ssiah tried to grab them outta my hand. I let him hold them since that's all he I would let him do right now.

"Is this the baby? When did you have him?" She asked, Lookin at Ssiah. It looked like she wanted to cry.

"Bout a year ago." It was gettin real weird right now and I wasn't for it.

"I gotta go."

"Lisa, I'm so so sorry. I should've been there but I wasn't there for you baby." I stopped her speech.

"You know what, I don't need it. I don't want yo apology. You can keep it where it's at."

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Walking inside in my lil house, I went to my room and laid down. So much shit done happened and changed it's like shit is movin too fast. Enough about that, I needed to get some rest. I had some shit to do later.

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Checkin my wrist watch, it was now 4:45 am. James was just bout to come out his side chicks crib. James Mongomery is a pretty known out here for being a enemy gang banger. Word is he rose up the ranks and is second in command to his boss, and not a lot of people like that. Antonio just takin this opportunity to stir up some chaos between them. I'm just helpin push it.

Lookin thru the scope, I waited till he locked the door and wanted to fire one to his dome.

"What I say bout them head shots?" Dimitri said.

"I know i know." Instead of doing the shot, I fired for his spine and neck a couple times. Makin it seem like he was shot by some rival gang or even his own gang.

"Better?" I looked up at him.

"Better."