RUTHLESS

10

Sitting in the living room, Leslie was showin me how to change diapers and make formula and shit like that. Since it won't be long until the baby is born, she's showin me how to do certain things to prepare to be a mom. I hated how that shit sounded. This wasn't something I wanted to do or had planned for myself either. I wanted t graduate and go to college. I wanted to be a heart surgeon, now that shit is gone. I can't do anything anymore.

"You wanna rock her to sleep? She might fight you but she'll go down after a while." I nodded, carefully holding Jakayla. She was so tiny and small.

"Why do babies get fussy around bed time?" I asked, watching her grab onto my shirt and squirm around.

"They like fighting they sleep. And if your not they mama, they'll fight you even more."

"Why?" I patted her on her behind, rockin her.

"Babies like to listen to they mama heart beat. You'll understand when your kid comes."

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It was after hours, everyone was sleep and I was just up. I didn't have much else to do either. Getting out of bed, I went down to the kitchen and got something to drink. Antonio was there, sittin at the table countin money with the stove light on. It was a lot of Fuckin money too.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No." I grabbed something to drink, sittin across from him.

"Wanna talk?" He looked up at me, writing down something in a small notebook.

"I guess." I shrugged. Me and Antonio never really had a conversation like that before. I was too out of it when ever he approached me. Must be the ptsd.

"What's on yo mind?" He say everything aside, waitin for me talk.

"I'm a teen mom with no job. That's about it for me. This is it." I didn't want this to be it though but ain't no teen mom from the ghetto ever make it up outta here.

"This ain't it unless you make it it. Quit all that cryin and start gettin back yo motivation." I sniffled, wippin my face.

"What should I do then? I can't work right now and in a couple more months imma have a mouth to feed." He sighed, scratching his head.

"I have a small company im startin up. Just until you figure it out, you can work for me." I laughed, small company.

"Drug dealers don't have companies." He chuckled, nodding.

"Im a entrepreneur. Not a drug dealer."

"I can't go to jail for you." I told him, cuss I can't go to jail for him.

"I'm not asking you to do nothin dangerous. Just look after my books and get money in yo pocket." Thinkin about it, it sounded like a pipe dream that I didn't wanna be in. Look after his financial shit for his "legal" business that covers up illegal shit. Yeah. Sounded like a beautiful nightmare. But what choice did I have.

"No dangerous shit. Only keepin books right?" He chuckled and nodded.

"No dangerous shit."

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Sitting at the table in the den, I counted every dolla that was there and wrote down how much was there all together and where it came from.

Antonio got me started with it as soon as 6pm hit. He took me to this sketchy ass place, which was a run down "office" and showed me where I would be doing my job at. Technically speakin, it was in a room next door to his office. He said he's have someone guard the outside every time I came and nobody was allowed to come in so I'd be 100% safe. It honestly didn't feel safe but it was better than nothing.

Grabbing my phone, I answered it. Knowing it was Devon.

"Hey." I checked the Time and it was 9:30 pm.

"Hey, how was your day?"

"I found a job. I'm actually at it now." I told him, writing down everything.

"Oh for real. Where?"

"Antonio, the man who basically adopted me, he has a small business and I keep up the inventory for him." I didn't want to tell Devon that I basically work for a drug dealer. It honestly wasn't his business either.

"Oh word. That's good. I'm glad you found something."

"Yeah. The baby's doing okay too. " I told him, rubbin my stomach because he was kickin me.

"What do you think it's gonna be?" I didn't know, and didn't wanna know.

"I don't know. A girl maybe."

"You scared?" He asked, it was silent for a minute before I answered.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

I think I was more scared of it being a boy the baby looking like that piece of shit. I don't think I can handle that.

"You thought of any names yet?"

"No." I sighed, glad he changed the subject.

"Can I help you pick them out?" He asked, his breathin becoming a lil even. He sounded tired.

"Yeah. You can help me pick them out tomorrow."

"Why can't I help now?" He asked, yawning. A yawn coming from me right after.

"Because you need to sleep. You have school tomorrow." I reminded him, bitting my lip.

"Hmm. Good night Lisa."

"Good night Devon."