RUTHLESS

8

Walking around my old neighborhood after curfew, I realized a few things: I can't change shit about what happened to me. It happened already. Nobody's gonna hire a pregnant 15 year old. I'll be a baby havin a baby in a couple months. Sittin at the bench, I just couldn't believe the shit that was going on. I couldn't work even if I wanted to. I don't have no type of bank account or any of my paper work on deck. I couldn't do nothin.

"You okay?" Some lady asked me. She was average height and brown skinned. She was big and pregnant.

"I could be better. You should be inside, it's dangerous out here." A pregnant woman out in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood.

"I could say the same shit bout you. A young girl out in the middle of the night. You a runaway?"

"More like a pregnant, foster kid." I chuckled thinkin bout it.

"Only foster house I know round here is St. Jude."

"You know it?" She nodded, rubbing her belly. I wonder if mine gone get swoll like that.

"Yeah. Come on. I'll take you to my house and tomorrow you can go back. I'm ready to eat." I got up, followin a stranger to her house. Anything could happen to me while I'm with her but I chose to follow her. Maybe I'm getting dumber.

We made it to a semi nice house. Judging by the location, it was smack in the middle the slums and the subs.

"Leslie?" A man's voice called out. I stepped back a bit when he came into view, my nerves starting to get jumpy and shit.

"You okay?" I nodded, looking down at my feet feeling anxious.

"I'll meet you upstairs. Go shower and then come down when you ready to eat."

After showering for what felt like forever, I put on some oversized clothes and went downstairs. I could smell home cooked food from a mile away.

"Your plate is already ready. Go eat." Leslie said from the kitchen.

"Can I ask you a question?" I sat down, across from her husband I'm guessing. He looked more calmer now that he was in the light.

"Sure."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I genuinely couldn't feel any malice or other negative thing about her aimed at me, she confuses me.

"I can tell when someone is going thru it from a mile away. You going thru a lot. Plus I don't have a reason to be mean to you."

"What's your name?" Her husband asked.

"Lisa."

"You came from St. Jude?" I nodded, feeling like I was being interrogated.

"I hated that place. Sister Elizabeth still work there?" I nodded, laughing a little.

"She's so mean and strict."

"I know. If you ever need a break there, your welcome here. Being in that place can be tough."

"They only treatin me nice cuss I'm pregnant." It was sad but it was true. They feel like their doing gods work by taking in a pregnant teen.

"When shit hits the fan, give us a call." I nodded, feeling full for the first time in a while.

{}

"So you followed a stranger home in the middle of the night, and came back unscathed." I nodded, listening the Devon summarize what I just told him.

"Have you lost you fuckin mind?"

"I know. She was just so nice and I didn't feel any malice from it. I came back fine and fed too." I know it was stupid but I didn't get any bad or weird feelings from her. Plus, they fed and clothed me. It's been a while since I felt genuine warmth from someone.

"Do you know how dangerous your actions are." Devon started raising his voice a little.

"I know."

"No you don't know what could've happened to you. After what happened to you, you still haven't healed yet. But you go out in the middle of the night and go home with a complete stranger." He stood up, his voice raising now.

"I was safe."

"No you fucking weren't. That lady coulda been a human trafficker for all we know. You were fuckin thinking at all. What if she would've kidnapped you or worse?" He towered over me now. I felt stuck.

"I'm sorry."

"You could've died Lisa, your not thinkin this shit thru at all."

"I'm sorry." I usually don't cry but right now I was because I didn't realize how i made him feel anxious.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have raised my voice." He sat back down beside me, signing.

"I'm should've been smarter. It's just been a long time since I felt safe you know." I don't understand why I was apologizing to him, but I feel really small compared to him. I used think I was this big bad wolf that had no fear of anyone, now I just feel so tiny.

"Just text me or call me whenever you do something reckless. At least let me know if you safe." I nodded, laying my head on his shoulder.

"Okay."

He was right. I shouldn't be so reckless anymore, I have to be more cautious now. I can't confuse the feeling of warmth for safeness anymore.