RUTHLESS

12

October 25, 2010

"Messiah. Messiah." I played with my son.

It was just like Leslie had said. I had messiah at 7 months, and he had to stay in the hospital until he got stable. He was 2 months old now and so tiny.

"He so handsome." Leslie and Antonio were right beside me the entire time, helpin me learn how to be a parent and shit like that. I wish they were my parents.

"You gone have all the hoes when you get big." I smacked my teeth, me and Leslie lookin at Antonio.

"What? It's true, look at him." I laughed a bit, noddin cuss my son was cute as hell.

"Look at yo brother Jakayla." Leslie put jakayla over Messiah, she started to laugh and try to grab at him. He was just sittin then lookin annoyed.

"If you ain't yo mama son." I laughed and nodded, cuss he was. He was the spittin image of me. I was glad he didn't look like that man.

{}

"Is he down?" Leslie asked, patting Jakayla on her back.

"Yeah. I'm so sleepy." I yawned, it took 2 hours to get messiah to go to sleep.

"Should I tell yo lil friend to come back later?" I scrunched up my face.

"What friend?" I followed her to Jakayla's room.

"Yo friend. Tall. Dark. Lotta hair." I went downstairs to see who this was. It better not be who I think it is.

"Hey." Devon stood up, comin over to me. He got tanner and he let his hair grow out.

"Follow me." I led him outside, makin sure to have my jacket cuss it was cold. Lookin over for a bit, his parents were in the car. I didn't bother wavin.

"Wassup?" I waited for him to talk.

"How you been?" He was trynna make small talk instead of gettin to the point.

"I had a baby a while ago." I shrugged, not really understanding why he was here.

"I saw the baby toys. What was it?"

"A boy. Look if this all you here for then I'm goin inside."

"Wait. I'm sorry okay." He grabbed my arm lightly.

"What is there to be sorry about?" I haven't heard from him in a good 4 months, he didn't do anything wrong so why was he sorry.

"We aren't together. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Lis." He looked, hurt, but I don't know why. After I haven't heard from him between that month of no contact I considered us done.

"Oh, I almost forgot to give this to you." I handed him his necklace back. I didn't need it anymore.

"Keep it." He tried to give it back but I declined.

"I don't need it. It's worthless and don't ever come back here. Focus on your kid." Just as I was about to go inside Leslie came outside with Messiah, who was throwin a fit.

"What happened?" I grabbed and rocked him.

"You know he takes short naps and only stops cryin till you get him." I chuckled, Messiah startin to calm down. Hearing a truck door close, I peeked over and saw his parents gettin out the car?

"Mornin." Mr. Tim greeted me, starin dead at Messiah.

"Yes?" I was getting uncomfortable now.

"How you been?" Mrs. Cathy asked, eyein Messiah hard.

"Fine?" I mean mugged them cuss they weren't here for me. They came to look at my baby like he was some wild animal.

"Is that the baby? He's such a cutie." Ms. Cathy said, makin faces that caused Messiah to laugh.

"He looks just like you." Devon said, starin at me and Messiah.

"I know."

"Can I hold him?" Ms. Cathy asked. I backed up.

"No." She looked surprised I said no. What did she expect when we had no type of bond anymore. She was just another random person.

"You ain't gotta be rude." Devon told me.

"Because I told her she couldn't hold my baby? I said no and I meant no." Don't she have a grandkid on the way? Go focus on your grandkid instead of comin over here to see mines.

"Look if y'all came over to see my son, y'all seen him. Me and Devon have nothin goin on anymore so you don't have to worry about stray bullets and him sneakin off."

"Lisa, we honestly came to see you."

"Don't lie to me. It's been what? Damn near a year. Y'all had a bunch of chances to come and see but y'all didn't. I'm not y'all concern, neva was. Don't come back here again." I handed Devon the phone he gave me too.

"Take that with you. I don't need it."

{}

"Why you lookin at me like that?" I laughed at Messiah.

We were in the living room, eating some candy and watchin some scary movies. They also got me some more baby stuff cuss I didn't have a baby shower so they got me what I was missing.

"Why he look so angry?" Leslie asked, laughin at Messiah.

"He prolly mad cuss Lisa won't hold him." Antonio picked up from outta my lap and started playin with him. Im happy that messiah has Antonio in his life, he cares about him so much and can teach him things I can't.

"He prolly mad cuss you picked up Jakayla earlier." Leslie handed me Jakayla, who was up and movin round like she had a place to go.

"He cry bout that?" Antonio asked, watching Messiah get ready to act up. I laughed and handed Jakayla to Antonio so i could get Messiah.

"Yes. He a jealous baby." I grabbed him and checked the time.

"You finna knock out in a minute." I had already bathed and fed him, and let him get a little interaction time in. Now it's time for his nap.

"Who was that boy that was here earlier?" Antonio asked, playin with Jakayla.

"Who Devon?"

"That's his name? He got a white black person name." I laughed a bit cuss he used to get that comment all the time.

"What's y'all history?"

"We basically grew up together but we ain't nothin now."