Daycares & Stun Grenades

9 | hospitals & midnight visits

NEW CHAPTER: created 05/14/2022

author's note as of 07/26/2022:
uhhhhhh its been a minute since i've worked on this. straight up. i've been working on myself, and i've been trying to keep my head on straight. i honestly had a hard time picking this back up for a month because of how large of a workload it seems, but i've been thinking about it since i stopped. i love writing, and if you read this note, i apologize for the upteenth time for the fact that it's taking me this long to rewrite this. love you, enjoy<3

09/18/2022: LMFAO ITS SEPTEMBER

10/03/2022: october smd i'll try to publish this soon(lies!)

katsuki

The one thing I remember is how warm her hand was the entire time.

For some reason I've never found the number nineteen to be one I held onto, one I found lucky. I've never had a connection to numbers in the first place. 

I did, however, have a connection to the machine showing her constant heartbeat. Sometimes I found myself entranced by it, spacing out on the monotonous noise of it. 

It reminded me she was still alive. That she'd fallen into a coma protecting the people, the kids she cared about because I'd been so stupid as to let her walk them back without a few escorts. Without me escorting her.

I'd forgotten the news article had broken, and I'd forgotten her quirk rendered her defenseless if used too much. 

Defenseless was a word I'd describe how I felt around her.

She'd broken down my walls faster than any of my friends had, faster than I'd put them up. I think I'd spent weeks trying to repair the crumbling foundation before realizing I didn't want to fix it around her. I only wanted her to sit in the burning rubble with me. 

She was the one who wanted to sit in the ruins with me. She was the one who was okay with me not knowing what came next, not always knowing who I was in certain moments, not knowing if it would all be okay. She stuck with me even when it was terrifying.

For all I knew, she was terrifying. 

And I was in love with her.

The fact that she'd just broken it off with her boyfriend didn't stop me from loving her. At least my heart, my head had told me that it was wrong, her feelings belonged with someone else.

That they didn't happen to be with me.

Bloodied knuckles from trying to punch away my feelings into a punching bag at the agency gym left me more confused and trying to figure out my feelings. Broken skin didn't make my heart any less broken over the fact she may never be mine. 

The nineteen days she was asleep gave me a lot of time to figure out what I wanted to say to her when she woke up.

Half of the time I'd come in to visit it was way past midnight or just minutes after visiting hours were over. I'd have to beg the nurses to let me see her, and when it worked I'd had a security guard watching my every move when I was with her. It was more annoying than Bubble Girl our first year at UA, but at some point I stopped caring. I wanted to be around her more than I cared about being deemed a potential security threat.

Her hand was always warm, always seeming like she would wake up and show me her eyes. The eyes that sparkled at the kids she nannied, at the kids putting on a talent show, at my sarcasm that no one else found amusing. The eyes that reflected the snow she got so damn excited for just a few days earlier.