What Have I Done?

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(Violet's Pov)

I hear the tapping and I get up and look out the window to see nothing. I rubbed my face a bit and shake my head then look to the bed and see Joan and I freeze. I gripped the shank in my hand as I saw her just sleeping on the bed and I just stare at her. I don't know how long I was staring because she finally woke up just as I lifted my hand up a bit but not the one with the shank. She looked to me a bit shocked as she quickly moved and pinned me to the wall next to the window and I stare at her.

"Violet snap out of it." She says and I just look at her.

"Violet?" I hear and shake my head a bit and saw Clem looking at me worried. I look around and didn't see Joan and I look to see Clem gripping my hand with the knife and I dropped it and looked at her scared.

"I... I just... I didn't mean." I tried to tell her but there was no excuse for what I was going to do.

"Violet, what is going on?" She asked and I think a bit.

"I... I swear I saw Joan... I swear to God, I saw her." I tell her truthfully.

"Violet... fuck." She says and let's go of my hands and I dropped them to my sides. I felt like a disappointment, for fuck's sake I almost stabbed Clementine in her sleep. I'm a god damn monster.

"Violet listen to me please." She tells me and I look to the side a bit. I feel her hands on my face as she let's go of my hand and she makes me look at her.

"I-I swear I saw her." I tell her.

"Violet, she is dead, you need to understand that, she is gone, everyone from that group is dead, no one is going to get you." She says and I shake my head.

"Violet." She says and I shake my head more and I shove past her and head to the living room and then head out the door and head to the Humvee. I quickly turn it on just as I hear Clementine yell my name and I slammed through the gate with the Humvee. I just drove and drove; it was hell I was freaking out I didn't grab any supplies so I was just alone but I don't know what to do.

"God fucking damn it." I mutter as I kept driving. Morning had come around as I made a stop in the wooded areas and I look around a bit as I stepped out the Humvee. I paced around a bit by the vehicle and looked in the back to see a rifle and a bag but I knew it was empty. I think as I grabbed the map and grabbed the pencil and marked off where I was and circled where I could possibly find fuel. I sigh and set the map in the passenger seat and grabbed the bag and headed into the town to find any empty jugs for water. I rubbed my face and headed off in the direction of the town and as I walk in, I see an abandon tank and think as I climb up it and opened up the hatch. I go down inside and saw a skeleton inside and looked to see they had a gun so I grabbed it and put it in my belt and looked to the skeleton a bit. I head out the tank since there wasn't much to find and I head off to a mall and look around in any of the department stores. There wasn't much but I was able to find some old water jugs that were empty, along with some fire accelerator. I looked around and saw some shadow so I grabbed my rifle and pointed it in the direction of the shadows and I look around as I dropped my bag as well just in case.

"Come on out... I fucking saw you." I tell them but no one comes out and I shoot my rifle in the air. Just to try and scare them at least, though sometimes that might not work.

"I'm not fucking playing around." I say and look around some more, even to the side a bit then back to the original spot where I saw the shadow. one person came out and I point my rifle at them and glare as I put my finger on the trigger ready to shoot them if I have to, though in all honesty I should shoot them now.

"Shit don't shoot." The man says as he raised his hands up.

"Why shouldn't I?" I asked them as I came up closer to them and they look back to me.

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