Shattered

Our Son

When Nathan said that we were going to have an ice cream date, I assumed that he'd drive to the near by ice cream stall and get us some on the way home .

But instead he drove us to a near by supermarket where he bought a large tub of ice cream and snacks. And he wouldnt dare leave out Berto's tacos.

We are currently seated on grounds that are completely empty and are looking out to a lake.

The view is incredibly beautiful. Beautiful, bright green trees tower around the open area acting as a fence around the space. This place looks like the Garden of Eden itself.

Nathan explained to me that it's his land. He just hasn't figured out what to do with it yet.

All that's on my mind is the mischievous glint that was in his hazel orbs.

He looks excited. The same way Ethan did when ever we went out for ice cream.

We finished eating a few minutes ago and now Ethan is running around playing by himself.

Usually I'm the one orchestrating his ways of play so I barely get to see how vague they are. But today, watching in third person I clearly see how queer it is.

For him to be running around and playing by himself. I worry for him.

I turn to Nathan, whose gaze is fixed on the lake. His face is covered with a shadow of a smile. It's so small that if I were distances away, I wouldnt notice the side of his mouth that is slightly turned up.

I've known Nathan for a while now. And in that time I've gotten chances to learn the different faces he makes and when.

For example I can tell that he doesn't want to say anything bad when his eyes widen just a little.

I can tell that he is uncomfortable with the way he locks his lips and scratches his neck.

I can see that he is frustrated when he runs his hand through his raven black hair.

And his tiredness when his voice drops an octave lower.

Right now I can see the clocks churning in his mind by the way his brows are almost knitted together and his index finger is tapping his left knee.

You could say I could easily read him like a Jeffrey Archer book.

"A penny for your thought?" I ask scooting closer to him.

It's no question what the proximity does to me. Nonetheless I keep up with my mission of trying to find out what has his mind so occupied.

"Everything you know. Like how things can just change in such a short instance." He says.

Nate has always found it easy to confide in me. And yet I cant find it in myself to tell him how the past five years have been for me.

Does this make our friendship unfair? That he shares his guts out and I just purse my lips hoping that he doesnt see that I'm hiding something.

"What changed?" I ask him.

"Since you and Ethan and Charlotte and mom came into my life I feel less alone. That's what changed." I tell him and he smiles.

Oh. Well I never expected that.

But it makes my heart warm as I think about what he says.

"Actually..." he pauses for a while. Anyone who doesn't  know him well enough would assume that he suddenly went quiet. But I see.

In his eyes, I read the words before he says them.

"Its about Elizabeth.  I just never thought that she'd be at my place again and I'd see her constantly ever again." He says.

A sound that's more like a squeak sounds even though I had intended to gasp.

I felt the sting in that one.

I could hear the fondness in his voice when he said her name.

I try not to say anything because through this broken heart I'm spotting, words will sound like a squeak.

He stares intently at the lake.  He looks at me for a little while before he turns to look back at the lake.

A feeling covers his eyes. I could easily mistake it for love if I hadn't heard the fondness in his voice when he spoke about Elizabeth.

He turns to look at me. He tries to speak but his mouth ends up opening and closing for a few seconds before he turns to look to the lake.

It's as if he seeks answers. And the lake has somehow given them to him.

A look of content covers his face and he turns to me. He breathes in and out very loudly then turns to me.

"Gemima I love..." he begins.

My heart pounds harshly against my ribs.

It's as if it's about to break out and beat on my hand. I stare into his eyes to search for some sort of reassurance they way they always give me.

And I almost drown in his eyes. His hazel orbs are now melted and look almost like... smelted Gold. They are gorgeous.

His eyes turn to the boy running near us now. And he sighs before he continues.

I realise for the first time he called me by my full name. He never does that, he calls me Gem but now he used the lengthed one. This must be very serious.

I smile reassuringly at him. Giving him a mental thumbs up.

"Gemima, I love Ethan." He says. And I almost cough from embarrassment.

I thought what? That he was going to confess his love for me and we'd live happily ever after? Great dreams Gemima, really great dreams.

I dont say anything. And when he sees that he continues.

"I love Ethan like he is my own son. He is just as much my everything as he is to you. " he says .

I nod. And I feel the tears sting my eyes.

I feel the tears about to fall, so I turn to face the lake.

"Thank you." I whisper. It being the only words I can think of.

I have no idea why it hurts so much. I dont know. But all I can say is that I have some kind of feelings for him.

And he spit on them like they're nothing.

I promised myself that it is the last time I let anyone run over me and in keeping that promise. If I have to be the bad guy then that's what I'll do.

"Its about to rain." I say through a hoarse voice.

"I– yes." He says. He begins to pack while I wait with my son in my arms.

The temperature had dropped a little and it's a bit chilly.

I clutch the boy in my arms until Nathan walks closer and opens the car. I put Ethan in the back.

With how much he was playing, he should be really tired. And true to my thoughts, within a minute of being put down he drifts to sleep .

"Thank you for taking us out." I tell Nathan when we're about ten minutes into the drive.

He runs his hand through his hair and nods quickly that I'm afraid he could get a whiplash.

"You dont have to thank me for doing small things for you and our son." He says.

I give him a ghost of a smile.

I bet he says the same thing to Elizabeth. I cough silently and then I text Soraya.

Arraine is out of the country tomorrow and for the rest of the week and she has gave us all a day off.

I'll use it to pay Soraya a visit.

Me : Hey Soraya. I was thinking of visiting tomorrow.

She replies after a minute or two.

Soraya : Omw! I've been waiting to ask you. Not knowing when the right time was.

I smile at her response.  And just like Ethan I fall into slumber.