𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 (𝙵𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙱𝚡𝙱)

Track 57 | 𝗔 𝗗𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗔𝗴𝗲

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Surviving the rest of the school week was, for lack of better words, a hassle. We resisted for long enough and eventually made it to Friday, but barely in one piece. Ari and I had been torn to shreds. The onslaught of intrusive questioning and nosy teenagers for five days straight was an absolute avalanche to push through. I can only hope and pray that the flames die out over the weekend and the final remaining months of the school year aren't hell, but I know that's wishful thinking.

It feels weird being 'out'. Not, out out, but out in a way where people know you're definitely not straight. It's weird. I don't know how else to describe it. For example, Ari and I still haven't declared whether or not we're officially 'together', but in the eyes of the public, it feels like we already are. We barely show any public displays of affection and still, people look at us like we're a couple. Like we've been assigned that way by the unanimous opinion of the student body.

For me, I've never felt so noticed before. And I mean that in a bad way. Everyone looks at me now. Or maybe they're not and I just think they are. Whatever the reality is, the paranoia is getting to me. I know I really don't have anything to fear, but every time I catch either a glimpse or an off-look from some stranger in the hallway, I feel like... an other. Some creature in a glass box for everyone to stare at and dissect. An exhibit of taboo.

Ari's been supportive. As supportive as he can be, I guess. He's been occupied, physically and mentally, nearly all week, going to several doctors with his foster parents, trying to find something, anything, to solve or at least alleviate his hearing dilemma—if there even was a way. Ari's not hopeful, as he's gone through this entire process before. Nothing new. Every studied medical professional they go to just says the same thing. I've been trying my best to be supportive of him, too.

Meanwhile, the band has been preparing for the studio session this weekend, testing out instruments they want to bring in and conjuring up some new songs ideas to record for the album. Surprisingly, the album has been the least of my concerns as of late, which I'm not proud of. I've been so focused on Ari that I've largely been distracted from my soon-to-be career. My friends have noticed, and despite them forgiving my unending apologies, I still feel like a burden to the process.

Late at night, after Ari would come home from another doctor's visit, he would text me to come over, and I would. We'd spend the remaining hours of the night just talking about it. It felt like the only time in the day that Ari and I could find just a sliver of peace. All the noise and current struggles could just dissipate for a moment and allow us both to exist in one another's comfort. I would've gone so far as to offer to stay the night, but Ari just seemed so tired. He's been tired for a long time now.

At long last, Friday came and Ari and I had something to actually look forward to. 

The NYTA college tour. 

Well, actually, I looked forward to it more than Ari did. He was willing to give it a shot, just for me, but he still wasn't convinced it'd be of any interest to him. I hoped the visit would somehow change his mind.

Once our final class of the day ended, we fled the oncoming droves of stifling glares and walked straight from the high school to the nearby railway station. The local underground transit system took us by train to New York City, just across the Hudson, where Ari's campus was located.

"This is my first time ever going to the city," Ari told me as we both swayed back and forth in the crowded, bumpy subway car. There was barely any place to sit, so clutching tightly onto the grimy steel pole would have to do.

"Seriously?" I raised an eyebrow, finding that hard to believe. "Four years, New York City has been just across the water and you've never considered going?"