𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 (𝙵𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙱𝚡𝙱)

Track 43 | 𝗪𝗲 𝗠𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗕𝗲 𝗗𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗕𝘆 𝗧𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄

Ari's mouth fell wide open.

"Harvey..." was the only response he could muster.

As the chilling reality of my actions began to settle in, I lowered my head in embarrassment and stared at the crinkled sheets of the bed, biting my tongue as the surrounding eyes burned holes into my skull. My arm had gone rigid, still extended and reaching toward the center of the circle, frozen and unable to pull back. Swallowing me whole was a simple feeling that I could only describe as, what's it called... instant regret.

Ari and I had talked about it beforehand, we had agreed that we'd tell them when the moment felt right. And it did! I mean, I guess it did. It felt like the right time to me. Or maybe it was just a convenient time and not the right time. Or maybe not convenient at all. Fuck, I don't know, Ari was feeling pressured and it made me panic so I just opened my mouth and blurted it out and—

Well, here we are.

I picked my head up and surveyed the scene, being met with faces of true astonishment and stone-cold shock. My eyes realigned with Ari's and we both stared at one another, disconcerted, unsure of what to do.

I looked over at Eden, the one face that was absent of any hint of surprise. Desperately, I tilted my eyebrows worriedly, pleading for help. She just gave me a subtle nod. My interpretation of that nod was her way of telling me to tell the truth. And keep telling it.

I nodded back slightly and opened my mouth. And then I continued.

"Ari and I have been spending a lot of time together recently, I'm sure you all have noticed. And I'm sure you've also noticed that, during that time, I've been quiet. And distant."

My eyes returned to the crumpled sheets, observing the natural disruptions in the fabric caused by the waves that rippled and clumped the material into several organic shapes and formations. In a way, it kept me safe. It kept me from having to look at my peers, directly in the eyes, and disclose all the information I'd been hiding from them for the past month or so.

I took a deep breath and carried on, my voice trembling as I spoke.

"...I've been kinda goin' through a lot recently... I've made a lot of new revelations and... My whole life has, just, kinda... flipped on its head. It's been hard to try and make sense of it, and I haven't. And to be honest, I haven't really made an effort to, either. I've always believed I was one way, but as it turns out, I'm not, and it's possible that there's more to uncover. But, all I know is that..." 

My eyes redirected from the sheets to a new source of safety: the Australian Shephard sitting right across from me. Just looking at him sheltered me from all the fear and intimidation I felt. I think that alone was a sign that he was the right person to trust with my feelings.

"I really like spending time with Ari... and I don't know why or how these feelings came to me... but I acted on them, and we've been talking a lot, and neither of us really know what to do with it, but we're okay with that. Because we've been... experimenting—I've been experimenting, and Ari has been there, through all of it, with me, by my side, and I really appreciate him being there... and I want him to stay there. I want to keep him by my side. Because I really like him. And I think he likes me, too?"

I reached forward and cupped my hands over his. Almost immediately, Ari accepted the gesture and folded his paws over, allowing our hands to converge and interlock. The two of us stared deeply into the eyes of one another, finding trust and safety. If nobody had our back, at least we had each other's.

I nodded my head at him, a smile taking over my lips by force. "...Yeah, that's pretty much it."

And then, a long pause.