ISSUES II outer banks

take me home

"Will you take me home?"

❥

The boys share a weird look with each other which seems like they would try to talk to each other without a fight. But John B's and Sarah's reunion is heartwarming which makes me instinctively look at JJ and flash him a light smile. Then I turn to Topper and greet him with a hug before he watches Sarah and John B talk about how it's great that the accusations have been dropped. He's trying to act like he doesn't care but I know he's hurt. 

"They're looking for Rafe", John B tells Sarah which is when my head moves into their direction again. They're looking for Rafe. If he's going to be imprisoned, I need to see him at least for one last time before no matter what happens. Them looking for Rafe is exactly the right outcome but it still worries me. It's Rafe. He's not stable. He wouldn't take it well. "Good, he's totally freaking out." "He's attacked me." "What?" "That's why I didn't come back." 

"Yeah, Rafe has lost his mind", Topper explains, "He wanted to drown his own sister. Luckily, I arrived on time." "Yes, he did." That explains why Sarah ended up with Topper yesterday. But what I don't understand is why Rafe is freaking out like this now. Why the hell would he attack his own sister? I get that he's hurt and I know that I'm not innocent but Sarah? He might be jealous of her but killing her wouldn't solve the problems that he's got. Was he high again? 

"Was Rafe high?", I ask Topper more quietly so that not everyone realizes that I'm actually worried about him. Topper gives me a sad look. "I don't think he was, Bella", he admits knowing that this is even harder for me to handle. Rafe being on drugs and doing stupid things is different from him doing stupid things willingly. "Yeah, well, I guess I owe you, Topper", John B sighs and I furl my eyebrows. Owe him? What kind of bullshit.. boys and their jealous behavior. 

"It's fine. I mean, someone has to safe your girlfriend", Topper continues what John B has started and I roll my eyes. "It's funny that you say that because actually, she's not only my girlfriend, right?", John B grins looking at Sarah but Sarah doesn't look like she's about to say something about it. I sense another discussion coming up.. "What else?", Topper chuckles. "Tell him", John B still smiles at Sarah but she hesitates. 

Well, I don't know if I would tell Rafe about JJ's and my promise either. However, Rafe's definitely more aggressive than Topper. "I'm dating him", Sarah states awkwardly and I furl my eyebrow once more. Bad situation, poor John B. "Okay", Topper chuckles, "You're dating him. So that's clear. Is that clear for you as well?" "Clear is that you should leave", JJ mumbles. "Yeah, I'll see you later, Bella." I'm about to say something, but JJ cuts me off. "I don't think you will."

"Are you okay?", I ask John B knowing that he's not but I don't exactly know how to start this conversation. JJ and Pope are back at working on their surfboards and Sarah has just steamed off walking over to Kie so I've decided to talk to John B. I mean I would have anyways, he's my best friend. "I'm disappointed, you know? Why couldn't she just tell Topper about us? Does she still like him?", John B begins to worry and I sit down with him in the hammock. 

"Of course she doesn't. You should know that, dumbass." "Well, thanks." "She chose you without even having to think about it. Don't ever doubt her feelings for you", I make clear, "But honestly, J. It's still a lot of trouble going on. She almost got killed yesterday. I think under those circumstances, we're quite lucky that Top was around." "I almost got killed, too, you know." 

"I know and I am worried sick if you're really alright. But you were attacked by a stranger, we know that Ward wants you to be dead. But it's Rafe who we're talking about. Her own brother attacked her." "I know.. I just.. I feel like I've not been there for her when I should have. I let her down." "No, you didn't", I snap sharply, "You would have done anything to save her. But how could you being in prison because of Ward? If anyone could have helped her, it's us. We should have never let her go away without one of us and we should have never let Shoupe take you with them." 

"You guys had no choice." "Exactly, so haven't you." "And what do I do about her and I?", John B asks me probably going through many different scenarios. "Honestly, I don't know if I would tell Rafe about JJ's and my plan. He's too aggressive and impulsive. He's probably kill JJ if he knew how serious we are. I mean, Topper is different, yes, but imagine Sarah just getting back to us and you already try to make her talk about it after that night. She didn't want to hurt his feelings after he's saved her life." "So I shouldn't worry about it? She still loves me?" "Of course, dumbass." "Thanks, Iz. I've missed this. Us just talking about everything like in good old times." "Yeah, me too. I also miss your dad's classic spaghettis when we'd get back too late", I smile remembering those nights and how Big John took care of us.

"P, I'm here", I let Pope know as I sit down next to him later on after I've noticed the sad look on his face. "It's like no matter what I do, it's never good enough for her. JJ can run around with a gun or steal a van and break into a prison, but whenever I do something that's a tiny bit stupid, she's mad at me", Pope complains about Kie's mixed feelings. I understand him but I also understand Kie. She's also just trying to do everything right. Both in their own ways. 

"Nothing that you do is wrong, Pope, you're doing it all great. You're such an understandable person. Look at you. Whatever Kie is doing, you always respect it first. You never complain about it. Sometimes, you just have to let out all of those feelings and then you smoke a joint or react surprisingly sharply towards her but that's alright. You're a human, too, you know", I say softly. "Then why is it so complicated between us? I just.. I wanted her. But now I wish we could be friends like we were at least." 

"You know she's not the kind of person to get into a relationship at all. And then I feel like her feelings for you aren't enough to wash away her fear or doubts. Kie's still trying to find out who she is. Until she knows that, she can't know who should be by her side. It's unfair that it happens between you and her because you deserve the world and so does she, but it just doesn't fit, not at the moment", I express my thoughts looking at the ocean, "Do you even really like her or just imagine being with her would be great?" 

Pope looks at me with wide eyes telling me that he's never thought about this difference before. "How do you know that you love JJ?" "I can't imagine anything about us after it's already happened. I know who he is and I've accepted him this way", I explain, "The difference with you and Kie is that none of you know already who you are going to be so you also don't know who the other person is going to become." "What about John B and Sarah?", Pope wonders, "Have they found themselves?" "Sarah hasn't, yet. John B.. I think John B and JJ have always been quite happy with who they are, just not how they are being treated for who they are. So John B might already have found himself." "It's a shame you loose your great mind to someone like JJ", Pope suddenly jokes to be in a better mood making me laugh warm-heartedly.