ISSUES II outer banks

comfort within chaos

"Finding comfort within chaos."

❥

"Bells?", I hear Sarah approaching me when I sit on the front porch of the chateau not knowing where to go. "Are you here to talk to John B?", I ask her standing up and wiping away my tears. "Yes", she nods sadly, "What happened?" "It doesn't matter right now, okay?", I tell her softly to make clear that she shouldn't have to worry about me, too, "He's at the dock." "I thought so", she nods and gives me a serious but sad look so I pull her close and hug her tightly. "We're going through this together, Sah. Like we always do." "I hope so."

As Sarah leaves to go to John B, Pope approaches me. "Where are the others?", I ask him immediately not wanting to see JJ or Kie. "They left but I wanted to apologize for not standing up for you first. I should have stopped John B earlier. He's been too harsh." "It's not your fault." "But I could have told him that it's not okay." "We're all going through a lot of shit right now. I don't blame you." "What did JJ and you talk about?", Pope asks me worriedly as he sits down next to me. 

"The Rafe issue. He thinks I use his dad's death as an excuse to be close to him. It's so fucked up. Our families have literally been close since our dads were kids. There's not only Rafe, but Sarah, Wheezie, Rose and my parents who grieve", I already defend myself again. "I get it, Iz. I mean, Rafe is not our favorite person to talk about but you've been close and you're still close to the whole family so it shouldn't surprise us that you're there. The explosion changed a lot." "Yeah, exactly. Also with my parents being back at the moment, I have no chance but to stay there. They might send me back as soon as I leave figure eight." 

"But you're still here", Pope understands, "What did JJ say?" "Maybe that would be better", I repeat those words that hit me the hardest and instinctively lay my hand around his ring, "He broke up with me." "I'm so-" "No, please don't have pity on me, P. It's fine", I tell myself more than I tell him, "I'll still be around here. I want you to find the cross that belongs to your family. Just because JJ and I are over, doesn't mean that I stop being friends with you. We're still best friends." "Yes, we are, Iz", Pope nods sadly and pulls me in for a hug not knowing what to do about JJ.

"I'll stay with Topper for a while", Sarah tells me as she comes back to the porch and I give her a sad look. "You're not wearing his necklace anymore." "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" "Yeah, but call me whenever you need me. And tell Topper thanks from me for taking care of you. He's a good friend." "He is." I decide to look after John B as well as no one else is here anymore and after all, we've been so close and I don't want him to be alone right now. I can still leave afterwards.

"You're still here?", John B asks me surprised. "Where am I supposed to go?", I reply bluntly, "You might have said some stupid things, but I'm still here for my friends. We grew up together, John B. Your dad and Ward were the closest men to be like a dad to me so I neither give up on the pogues nor on the kooks." "It's Rafe Cameron we're talking about, not a random kook." 

"I know, J. But you don't know who he really is. I can also leave now if you want to keep on fighting", I suggest sighing. "No, can you please stay? Sarah broke up with me and I don't want to be alone right now", he admits, "And I'm also sorry about what I've said. I felt attacked by the way you defended her and projected it on Rafe and Ward. I know you were just trying to tell me what I've done wrong." "Yeah", I nod, "We should first get ourselves a beer."

"Hello?", I call through the Cameron's house as it's dark in it, "Is anyone here? Mom, dad?" "It's only me", I hear Rafe reply from upstairs so I follow his voice to find him in his dad's closet wearing one of his jackets. "It suits you", I say softly realizing that he's serious about wanting to take over his dad's position. From what I can see, it helps him and his anger issues at least. "You really think so?", he asks me surprised looking at me through the mirror. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't think so", I reply giving him a warm smile. 

"Where have you been?", he changes the topic. "I've been staying with my friends", I answer honestly and Rafe looks at me confused, "Didn't your parents say-" "I know so please don't tell them. I'm here now anyways. I just needed to see my friends and talk to them." "You don't look like it went well", Rafe notices, "What's happened?" 

"It's just.. JJ's not happy about me staying here." "Of course he's not", Rafe chuckles. "He broke up with me", I admit and finally realize how serious our discussion was earlier. Pope and John B distracted me but now I feel sad again. "Come here", Rafe whispers and pulls me in for a tight hug, "I'm sorry about it." Surprised and also thankful by Rafe reacting like a good friend, I let himself calm me down and we lay down together to cuddle.

"How are you feeling this morning?", Rafe asks me the next morning as we get up. "A lot better thanks to you", I admit smiling at him. I don't forget what's happened, how could I? But I enjoy this rare moment these days in which we finally are good to each other and rest for a moment. "He doesn't deserve you if he can break up with you so quickly, Bella", Rafe says softly still holding me in his arms.

"Boys, will you finally get up? We have to go to school", I shout through the chateau and immediately go to John B's room to push him out of bed and go to the living room then. Pope's next to JJ. At least we don't have time so I can't worry about what I should do. I just shake Pope until he's awake and tell him to wake up JJ as well. "I'll be waiting for you in the car", I tell them and go back to my car where I realize that I'm still wearing JJ's ring so I take it off and throw it into my bag to put it away later when I'm at home. 

"How can you be so motivated?", John B groans. "It's school, but it's also the first day that we get to spend like a normal day without any dramas", I explain. "Yeah, quickly moving on", JJ huffs in the back of my car so he must have seen that I'm not wearing his ring anymore. "You're wearing a new bracelet", Pope states looking at my wrist, "Yeah, my parents got it for me." "Right, your caring parents."