ISSUES II outer banks

little white lines

"White lines making life easier for a second, not for the longterm."

❥

"I'm glad that you haven't fought against this plan", my mom sits down next to me in one our rooms, "Your dad would have probably done the same to as to they did to Sarah." "Drug me?" "Probably", she sighs and I realize the sad look on her face. "Why do you say that now?" "I've never wanted this and I don't think your dad intended our lives to be like this either." She's mentally breaking down, that's why she finally talks to me honestly. 

"Then why do we live this way?" "I've got no idea when this all started. Harvey found out about the gold when Ward flew to New York asking him for help. The two of them have always been inseparable when it comes to their friendship. It all sounded great until I've found out that Ward has killed Big John." "You knew it?", I whisper shocked about the fact that they knew exactly what we were looking for and what happened to my friends' family. 

"I know he was like a dad to you. Big John was a heartwarming person when he didn't focus on the gold too hard. So I believed that it was an accident. When Ward and your dad finally had the gold, they decided to make sure it's safe." "In the Bahamas." "But you and John B crossed their plans and Rafe shot Sheriff Peterkin. That's when I told your dad to stop. No matter what his plan was, I didn't want us to be involved anymore. Both Camerons who we trusted have killed someone. I was worried that something might happen to you." 

"What did dad say?" "He'll talk to them", mom sighs shortly, "I believe he did, but I would have preferred to go back to New York with you, back to our old life, or at least move back to the Outer Banks to be with you. I know that we've made mistakes and I've realized this too late but I wanted to make it better." "Why didn't you?" 

"I tried to but the more we had to risk, the more we needed this plan. There was no other chance for me than to be a part of this. I still love your dad and I still want to have this life with him, I wanted my family to be together. We've fought so hard for this. But I also didn't want you to be involved in this way risking your life." "How can you still love him?", I whisper looking at the water that we leave behind. "For the same reasons that you still hold on to Rafe." That hit hard.

This shit hits hard. I've thought my dad just became this kind of asshole and his behavior could be justified by him worrying about me but he's just too focused on money and Ward to care about my mom or me. I finally understand her as well. I'm angry, sad, anxious and frustrated all at the same time. I need something to calm me down and I know exactly where I would find this. Making sure that no one's watching me, I go to Rafe's room and sigh relieved when he's not here. 

Where does he store his shit? His jacket? No. His backpack? No, too easy. I see a box for medical drugs in his suitcase and raise my eyebrows. He's not dumb after all. I take the box and open it chuckling when I see the white powder in there. Shit, am I good. I've never done this before but I've seen Rafe and Kelce doing it once so I prepare everything exactly the same way as they did. When I'm done, I take a look at it and breath one more time until I lower my head.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?", Rafe comes in yelling at me as he understands what's going on. Not wanting him to stop me, I quickly a line and am about to take the second one but am stopped when he pushes me against the wall, his hand gripping around my throat. "Sniffle it out", Rafe presses out and I shake my head and laugh as he's as angrily as I've never seen him. He wasn't even this emotional when we've watched his dad's video. 

"Sniffle it out", Rafe repeats tightening his grip around my throat hoping that I would sniffle it out when I have to breath through my nose but it's already done. "I can't", I whisper and laugh enjoying the fact that he's trying to keep me away from something that he's been consuming himself. Looks like table's have turned. "I swear to god you're freaking me out right now", Rafe shouts as he pulls his hand away from my throat but he continues yelling at me, "How could you?" 

"It's not like you'd have enough for both of us anyways", I sass back not knowing what is going on with myself either, "Hey, my nose feels kind of free. Does it always feel so good? I mean, it's really ventilated." "Seriously, Bella, just shut up right now. I have to figure out what to do with you", Rafe snaps back at me massaging his temples and closing his eyes. "I mean you could just make use of the situation and fuck me", I reply bluntly shrugging. 

"What the hell is wrong with you right now? I've said it already. I'm not going to take advantage of you." "Because we're here with our family or what", I spit out and I honestly have got no idea why I'm being so aggressive right now. Rafe's being actually pretty nice to me. "Because I love you, you idiot", Rafe yells at me again and looks at me as if he can't believe me, "How often do I have to repeat myself until you finally understand that you're the most important person in my life and that I can't life without you?" 

"Looks like I had to get coke to understand it", I regret but I feel a sudden shiver of sadness storming through me so I let myself fall down to the ground and cry. "Bella, what's wrong? What did I do now?", Rafe asks me surprised but I shake my head. "I'm just so sad and happy and I'm cold and warm and I want Honey back", I cry bumping my fists into the ground. Honey is the cuddly toy that my parents gave me before I was sent to the Outer Banks as a child.

Wow, I'm high. "Great, you're high", Rafe sighs checking the pulse on my wrist. "It's fine, you're not going to die at least not if I don't kill you. How could you just take my coke, Bella? What were you thinking?" "I was hurting", I mumble huffily, "I want Honey back. Can you give it to me?" "I can't, baby. But I promise I'll give it to you when we arrive at our destination. I'll take care of you, okay? But for now, take a rest and sleep, please."