Adrenaline

⇢ acknowledgments

Sexy checkmark says hi.

One year, 200k+ words, and approximately one million tears later and we're finally here. This is the fastest I've written a book this big before, especially since the majority of it was written this year, and boy am I feeling a hundred different emotions right now. I'm going to try to sum it up as concisely as possible (she says with a laugh) but feel free to skip to the end if you want some news about what else is on its way. It'll be fun, I promise.

After I'd finished Waves of Us, I genuinely didn't think any book would ever measure up to it. I'd even tweeted about it. I thought "this is it. Nothing else will compare." And then this book came along, and I don't remember the exact moment, but I realized this meant just as much to me for many different reasons. And I gotta say, I'm grateful for that because I felt so empty after finishing that book. Knowing that I'll be able to create that magic again is what's keeping me motivated to continue writing and posting to this site.

There are a lot of things I could say about this book. It's been through the wringer from start to finish. More bad things than I would like for it to be associated with, but I remind myself constantly that it's brought me so much more good that outweighs all of the bad. I'm very proud of myself for even starting it, let alone finishing it. There is so much of my heart in this book, more than I even realized would be.

I'm proud of this story's existence simply because it creates a diverse space in genres that I don't often see a lot of representation in. Not just with the main characters but the side characters as well. I don't write diverse stories for the sake of it or for brownie points. I do it because this is the world I live in, and this is the world we should all do our part to showcase. I wrote this story because I felt like people like me deserved to tell all of our stories and to see them out in the world. If anyone can't respect that, that's their problem. Thankfully, I have a supportive group of friends who will always champion each other's stories and growth.

Stevie Kealoha is my favorite protagonist I've ever written. She's messy and lovable and everything I want to be. I've loved seeing her growth throughout the book, and knowing where she's going in the future makes me so happy, even if we never see most of it. I love that she's made mistakes and grown from them, that she's been knocked down and still got back up each time, and that she learns how to be vulnerable and open her heart up to those around her. While the romance aspect is a big part of the story—and can I just say that I love the development of Stevie and Brendon's relationship? They're so pure and special to me—it's not by any means the focal point. This story has always belonged to Stevie. She will always be my baby girl. She's exactly the character I've needed to write, and I'm going to miss her more than anything.

To be a little more specific with her character, thank you for uplifting this bisexual Native Hawaiian woman's journey. Receiving some rude comments invalidating her bisexuality was very disorienting and made me cry a lot of nights, but the overwhelmingly positive reception to Stevie made me a lot more comfortable with opening up on my own. So, thank you. Seriously. I can't explain enough how much it meant to me to see so many friends sticking up for her (and me).

I know first drafts are ~supposed~ to be messy but this is probably one of the messiest first drafts I've written (imo. I don't mean it in a bad way) but I think I'm kind of okay with that? There's definitely a lot crammed into it, hence the 200k words, but it truly feels like we're not just watching "the" moment in a character's life but just one small part of it. If that makes sense? To borrow from Marta's comment on the previous chapter—she really does have the best comments, guys—the story is very "fluid" and I think that's my favorite part about the structure and development.

To sum it all up, this story is an exploration of self-worth, friendship & platonic soulmates, and love. It explores the struggles of being a woman of color in the entertainment industry, specifically as a Native Hawaiian woman, as well as the sometimes rocky journey of working alongside friends. It's also a very healthy slow burn romance that takes its time to develop so that both characters can grow on their own as well as together. Aside from Waves, these characters feel the most real to me. The most human. I'm very proud of this cast and how they overcame all they went through.