to all the people i've loved before | Ninjago Bruise

1 - letters i can't send

I was always told life was easy if you knew exactly what you were doing. If you were taught everything at a young age then you'd know how things were supposed to go. You'd know what you should make time for and what you shouldn't make time for. My parents taught me that when I was 9. Sure I was too young to understand and, yes, I ignored most of the things they told me - like how I used to test my flying inventions from jumping off tall roofs in a nearby town to where I lived - but most of it I stuck to. One of which was how I should always stay positive because then I'm less likely to get hurt. If you see the light in every situation, life will be easier. 

That wasn't always the case though. I may be partially biased considering I've had a much harder and complicated life than the majority of people that live in Ninjago but staying positive in almost any situation is impossible, especially when the fate of the world is riding on your very own shoulders. I've experienced that a few too many times. 

But one very specific thing that crosses my mind more often than it should is the conversations I had with my parents about love. They only ever believed in finding the right person; that dating is a waste of time and feelings, because why buy gifts for someone who you know you won't spend the rest of your life with. I trusted my parents when they said that. They're soulmates. 

You should only date the person that you are certain is your soulmate.

Of course I never listened to them about that. 

I wanted to date as many people as I could. I wanted to be experienced in relationships before I finally did find the right one for me. Did I ever really believe that the right person for me was out there? I'm still not sure about that. Now at the grand old age of 16, I have had a total of 3 relationships. One of which was back in preschool - this should never be counted because we all know preschool relationships weren't truly relationships - and another when I was 10. I never told my parents about the girl I met at a park in the village and spent the next 3 months hanging out with. I rarely think about her anymore but let's just say I was crazy about her back then.

And of course my third and most recent relationship was Nya. I'm still in love with her but I'm pretty secretive about that. 

Okay maybe I'm not as secretive as I think but let's just say we ended in a pretty rough place and I know she still has feelings for me somewhere deep down, I can feel it. To be honest, we haven't spoken much lately even though we live in the exact same house (or rather ship). We have so much free time lately, after defeating Morro and his ghost army, it's surprising that we haven't hung out, even if Cole joined us. I still think we're good friends but I just wish we'd spoken about our 'break up' rather than just ignoring it like we never even happened. 

But just like other people my age, you don't just date every person you like. I've had many, many crushes on people. 5 to be exact. 

I never knew how to overcome those silly crushes. I couldn't speak to my parents about them and I only ever had one friend back then, who in which I was also madly in love with until I moved away to become the most fantastic hero Ninjago has ever seen. We haven't spoken since. But back to the main point - I wrote letters. Yeah I know it's corny but it was a great way to get out all of my feelings. I never sent the letters, I think I'd be mortified if anyone read them, and I've never reread them either. Once I've written them, I put them all in envelopes and I hide them in a teal box in the corner of my wardrobe, out of sight and out of mind. Nobody knows about them besides me. 

I suppose it's like a more formal diary? I've done it since I was 12. I still write them. I've always found it the best way to escape my mind. 

"You should speak to her."