to all the people i've loved before | Ninjago Bruise

13 - eraser

I'm lucky to have Cole in my life. Without him, I'd be a complete wreck. I know I've probably said this a million times before but I genuinely can't find the right words to describe his importance in my life. 

After this morning, I'm almost certain Cole might like be back, which only makes ending things with Nya even harder. I know that if I end things now then I'm gonna do my best to be with Cole right away which would only end up causing more drama than needed. Drama is the one thing I'm trying to avoid.

I'm currently in the kitchen, waiting for Nya to return from running errands. Cole and I have almost finished watching Heartstopper now, and I'm hoping that when we do finish it, we won't be just best friends anymore. Maybe I'm getting my hopes up too high but I do really think there's something between us and I so badly want to explore it.

Cole's gone shopping and he did ask if I wanted to go with him but I know I'd just spend the entire time overthinking about what I'm gonna say to Nya so I decided to stay. I'm not sure when she's getting back but I've been sat here for almost an hour and I'm pretty sure I'm ready for this. It'll be hard but after thinking back to everything Cole has told me over the last few days, I know what I'm gonna say. 

I have to tell her the truth. It's the only right thing to do. If I explain how I felt about the date, and what the fake relationship was like, and my feelings towards Cole then she might not be so mad. Even if she does end up being mad - which is very likely - at least I know I'm not hiding anything else. Nya is a pretty understanding person and if her reaction to me telling her about the letters is anything to say about it then I should be fine, right? She can't be mad for long anyway. 

I know this is making me sound very confident but I'm really the opposite. If this goes wrong then the guilt would kill me, especially if I expose my real feelings for Cole and he doesn't actually like me back. I would crawl into a hole and stay there. Maybe Cole could make the hole for me.

Just as I'm about to give up waiting and head to my room to watch YouTube on the laptop, I hear voices coming from the Bounty deck. I'm pretty sure Kai is still in his room - he hasn't surfaced yet - so I prepare myself.

This feels like a life or death situation.

As I spot Nya entering the room, speaking to someone behind her, I clear my throat and begin to panic. I was tricking myself into thinking I didn't look suspicious and as if I'm not about to end things with her so I attempt to lean back against the kitchen surface but end up mistaking how far back it is and almost falling over. She glances over as I catch my balance.

"What are you doing?" she frowns.

"Uh.." I smile innocently, placing a hand on my hip, "Just chilling."

"Okay.." she chuckles a little.

Man this is gonna suck.

"Jay's just being weird again. Nothing out of the ordinary," Lloyd shrugs, placing the bags of who knows what on the counter in front of me. Zane laughs.

"Why are you acting so suspicious?" Nya raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Umm.." I gulp, "No reason."

She frowns, beginning to rummage through the bags. 

As Lloyd and Zane begin putting the groceries away, I watch as Nya continue searching for something in particular. I'm not sure what it is, nor am I really focusing on it. She seems happy and I feel so guilty for ruining the mood. 

Nope. You need to do this, Jay. Remember what Cole said. If you leave it any longer then it's not fair on either of you. 

"Can I.." I mutter to her, "Speak to you about something?"