to all the people i've loved before | Ninjago Bruise

5 - vertigo

"Please come home."

"What?" Cole chuckles, "Why?"

"Because you need to dig me a hole and bury me up with as much dirt as you can."

"Dude, what?" Cole continues to laugh.

"I'm being serious," I throw myself onto my bed, "Please. I'm such an idiot."

"What happened? You told me the mission went well, didn't you?" Cole questions, "Besides, that was days ago."

"It's not about the stupid mission Cole," I put my phone on loud speaker and put it beside me. I stick my face in my pillow and do you know what I do? I scream. I scream as much as my throat will let me before it feels like it's going to combust.

"Okay.. ow," Cole mutters on the phone after a moment, "Why the hell are you screaming? And why are you calling yourself an idiot? What stupid thing could you have done that's out of the ordinary?"

"I should've listened to you," I speak into my pillow.

"What? I can't hear you."

I sigh and raise my head, tilting my head to the side towards the phone, "I said I should've listened to you."

"Why..?"

"You were right about writing the letters. It was weird and obsessive and now she hates me. I messed everything up like I always do and-" 

"Woah, slow down, what are you talking about?!" Cole questions with a worried tone, "What happened?"

"I fucked up. I fucked up big time."

-----------------------------

"What the fuck."

"Can we go in your room? I just-"

"Where did you find that?"

"It was.. on my bed..?" She responded uneasily.

I gulped, not taking my eyes off of it, "How?"

"I don't know. I just found it there. Look-"

"You read it?" I looked up at her slowly.

"Yes...?"

"Fuck."

"Look, I-"

"No! No, don't say anything!"

"Jay-"

Without thinking, I snatch it out of her hands, step back and slam the door as loud as I possibly can. I thought it would be enough to freak her out or piss her off enough so she'd leave but, no, of course it didn't. It just made her angrier and more determined to speak to me. I leant against the back of the door, quickly locking it and just standing there in complete shock for a moment.

What the actual fuck just happened?

Is this a nightmare? Please, please be a nightmare. 

There is no way this is happening. 

"Jay, can we talk about this properly please? I want to say-"

"NOPE! NO!" I scream, covering my ears. I shake my head vigorously, hoping that if I stay here long enough ignoring her she would give up. I didn't want to have this conversation because it will always backfire on me and I don't need this shit right now. I really don't. 

Fuck. 

How did I do this?

How the fuck did this happen?