to all the people i've loved before | Ninjago Bruise

14 - i love u

I rush outside as fast as I can, hoping to find Jay laughing at my panic over the phone. I want him to be okay but I know deep down he isn't but maybe if I just hope...

I slowly approach the outside deck to find Jay sat across the doorway, leaning against the side of the Bounty, his legs up to his chest. His eyes are red and puffy, his shirt tearstained. He looks so out of it, like his mind is elsewhere.

I'm worried.

"Jay?" I say from the doorway but I don't think he notices me.

I approach slowly again, he eventually notices me but he just seems so lifeless. When he looks at me, he almost seems to burst into tears. 

"What happened?" I ask softly, sitting down beside him.

"She hates me," his voice breaks.

"What?" I frown, "I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"She called me selfish. She didn't understand anything I said and-"

"She called you selfish?!" I exclaim quietly, "What the fuck? You're anything but that."

"She's right though. I had plenty of chance to tell her last night and this morning yet I just gave her false hope and hurt her and-"

"Jay.." 

His eyes begin welling up with tears again, "everything I did was selfish and obsessive and weird and she deserves better than someone shit like me and-"

What the fuck has she done to him? Before any of this stuff happened, he was so happy and excitable but now he's an emotional wreck and he's blaming himself for shit that wasn't his fault. 

I told him last night that he deserves better than her, that he always has, and I stand by that. Do you see what she's doing? She's changing him and I hate it.

She's making him feel less of himself and making him think all of this crap is his fault when it's not. This is her fault.

"Hey, listen to me," I touch his shoulder lightly, "You aren't selfish or obsessive and none of this is your fault, okay? She's making you think that-"

"No, Cole, she's right-"

"Jay, trust me, I know you better than anybody, you're a good person and you would never hurt anyone. I'm sure she just doesn't understand properly, okay? You haven't done anything wrong. What you've done is the right thing, alright?" I speak softly, putting my other hand on his other shoulder, "You're an amazing person and you deserve the world. She's done nothing but hurt and manipulate you. You aren't awful. You're great."

"So why don't I feel great?" he cries.

There seems to be a pit in my stomach when he says this. I've said this before, I've always hated Jay hating on himself or bringing himself down and even though it rarely happened aloud, I know he felt it deep down but hearing him say this stuff really makes me feel.. empty? Jay's such a happy, positive and caring person and to hear him say the opposite of himself just makes me mad. 

I don't even know how to respond to him. I don't know what the right thing to say is. I don't know how to fix this.

I don't want him to feel this way. I want him to know how amazing he is and I want him to see himself the way I see him because he's perfect - at least to me - and I just want him to be happy.

I lean forward, wrap my arms around him and pull him closer, resting my head on his shoulder. He doesn't hug back, but he cries quietly into my shoulder. My heart breaks more with every sob. 

"I'm tired of feeling like crap," he cries, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," I tell him, "This isn't your fault."