Desperate

32

Arabella

We're sat awkwardly in the car, he hasn't said a word to me, I keep looking over at him, his jaw is clenched and eyes fixated on the road, he looks so sexy, yet so hurt. I want to say something, tell him I was wrong, but I can't risk it, I need to focus on college and making sure I don't live like this for the rest of my life.

In an attempt to break the silence I ask about how we will do our English assignment.

He just shrugs his shoulders. He starts to drive faster, I can't help but think about the accident.

"Cole, stop the car."

He just keeps going, speeding up, I can feel my lungs tightening and I begin struggling to breathe.

"Cole, please." My hands begin to shake, I try to hide it but when he looks over he notices and pulls the car over.

Instantly he turns to me with a worried expression. "I'm sorry, calm down, I didn't mean to scare you."

I can't look him in the eyes, I'm just trying not to have a panic attack. He uses his thumb to gently lift my chin, at this point I feel tears in my eyes, I try to look away but he doesn't let me.

"Talk to me bells, tell me what I can do."

I try to talk but the words don't come out, I start to feel hot and dizzy.

When I don't respond he leans to the back seat grabbing something. I turn away trying to control myself. He hands me a bottle of water which I happily take.

"Your having a panic attack?" He asked, I nod back in response, it was intended as a question but something in his voice told me he knew.

He opens the windows to let cold air in, it's raining hard so the air is nice and cold, he also takes my seat belt off for me. I instantly feel more relieved, less trapped. He strokes my hair, not coming too close to me, just letting me know he's there for me. His presence calms me and after a few minutes my tears dry up and I'm back to normal.

"I'm sorry" I say to him, embarrassed, I feel guilty for making him look after me.

"No." He says "don't ever say that to me again." He turns my head so I look him in the eyes. Maybe I was wrong to think I couldn't trust him. He cups my face in a comforting way, and I instantly lean into it, needing the comfort.

"I'm sor-" I get cut off

"What did I just say" He gives me a stern look.

"I didn't mean it." I didn't to say anything else because turned back to the front window, just staring out of it, he knew what I meant.

"Cole." I say annoyed he wouldn't let me explain. "Look at me"

"You've said all you need to say." He says leaving the car lighting a cigarette.

"Cole it's raining what are you doing?" I get out of the car and walk to him.

"What does it look like?"

"Will you just listen to me for a second."

He gives me no response as he throws his freshly lit cigarette on the floor only having one drag of it.

"I didn't trust what you said, I wanted to, but I couldn't."

He just stares at me with an emotionless face.

"Will you just fucking say something please" I shout. At this point I'm dripping wet and cold, I'm fed up of this game where we hide our feelings.

When he still doesn't say anything I grab his neck, aggressively pulling him down to my mouth. I need him, I need to show him how I feel, I need to feel his hands on me again. When he returns my kiss with as much passion as I give I wrap my other arm around his neck, pressing my body against his, he immediately wraps both of his arms around my waist, holding me as we break away, looking into each others eyes.

"Fuck" he growls as he kisses me again, this one more gentle, more emotional. Something I've never experienced before. His hands leave my waits and travel up to my face cupping my cheek , the rain hits us violently but we don't move, my hands find his hair as I gently run my fingers through it. I don't want this to end.

When he pulls away he rests his forehead on mine, we stay silent for a second before thunder and lightning break us out of our trance.

When we're in the car he gets a notification on his phone, the weather department on the news has but our a warning to get off the roads. As his house is closer, he drives there.