Warning angst ⚠️
When he knows you are self harming your body.
You awoke feeling groggy and disgusting.
With a sigh you turned on your side to be face to face with your beautiful boyfriend of three years,Jake.
Even with your feelings of disgust, you couldn't help but smile at your peacefully sleeping boyfriend.
You quietly and slowly got out of bed, then rushed into the bathroom. You stood in front of the mirror, your face close to it as you inspected and criticized every flaw that you noticed.
The dark circles and bags under your eyes. You look horribly eaten out by depression.
The only thing you liked about it was your eyes; you've always thought your eyes were pretty especially when you wore a little makeup.
But now, you weren't even feeling confident about that.
You opened the mirror to reveal a medicine cabinet.
Grabbing a bottle of prescription pills you contemplated ending your life. You hated yourself and everything else about your life.
But something was holding you back, and you couldn't explain it.
With a sigh you set the pills back in the cabinet, closing it.
The sound of his footsteps coming into the living room excited you.
Behind you in the mirror you saw your most favorite person in the world about to break down in tears.
Jake.
With widened eyes and a quickened heartbeat you turned around to meet him face to face.
His eyebrows furrowed together in a sad expression.
"Y/n, what's wrong?" He asked, his voice
cracking and shaky. A gulp fell through your throat.
What could you say to him? He just witnessed your very thoughts at that moment.
You couldn't find the words, so instead you showed him.
You grabbed the hem of your sleeve, wondering whether or not you should show him the evidence.
His eyes scaled down to your hands, realizing what you were doing.
He quickly grabbed your hands but started into your eyes.
"Let me see ?"
"Let me see?" He asked, gesturing to your sleeves.
Hesitantly, you nodded. He slowly moved your sleeve upwards to reveal the pain you've been through.
The cicatrices covered your wrists, an external voice to your internal anguish.
The scars lay fresh and new against his olive skin. It's pink shininess was shocking.
You expected him to reject you, to leave you, to scream at you, but Suddenly his arms were wrapped around your waist and his neck nuzzled into the crook of your neck.
it felt like you were safe and nothing could separate you and him.
"It's going to be okay, sunshine," he whispered into your ear while stroking your hair. "It'll be okay"
You could hear silent whimpers escape from his mouth.
"Jake?" You questioned his sobs. You tried to pull away to see his face, but he held on tightly to you. He didn't want to let you go.
"No, don't leave" he said into your shirt which muffled his voice.
You nodded your head, lightly patting his head and stroking his hair.
Once his crying calmed down, he finally pulled away.
He looked you in the eyes.
With eyes red and puffy with his cheeks stained with tears. It broke your heart to see him this way.
You hated the fact that you were the one who's making him cry.
"I need you in my life, y/n. Please, promise me that you will stop harming yourself. Please "
You bit your lip as you nodded your head in agreement, because you were afraid that if you were to speak, then you would break down.
He grabbed your arm again, turning your wrist over to see the scars again.
His thumb lightly grazed over them. Taking in deep breath he looked back up to you.
"You're still beautiful, y/n," he spoke with a sad smile
. A tear trickled down your cheek as you tried to smile at yourself, but your shaky chin wouldn't allow you to. "And I will always love you, no matter what "
This time it was your turn to cry.
The tears followed your eyes one after another whilst he wrapped his arms around you for comfort.
"I love you y/n "
"I love you too " you spoke between your heavy sobs before a smile painted your lips.
"To all the ones who selfharms, I'm not the one to judge why they try to kill himslef. Everyone has his own reasons and I undertand that. But they should remember that a losing a life can cost many negatif effects on their families. When just the idea of harming theirselfs is hurtful. Why would you do try to kill yourself, end a life. When you they are other people out there wanting to live but they can't. Imagines if someone who doesn't have much time to live. The doctors informed him/her that he/she can't do anything about it. He/she doesn't have a choice. But You have.
Do why end it? "
And if you think that it will be just one cut. Trust me you are totally crazy. And you will found it afterwards that it was too late"
.
