☆ trapped under ice ☆

☆ twenty ☆

tw: mentions depression/ depressive behaviour, not eating.

allys pov. the end of the week.
(four days later. friday)

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i layed in bed in the dark room where i had spent the week, dry mascara on my face from all the tears.

i don't know why i felt such a sudden wave of

...depression? surely not?

nothing had happened really, but for some reason i felt so sad. everyday had brought back a new memory that i had tried to forget. the guys would try come in and check on me here and there but i was too tired to respond.

james had picked up a few shifts at a restaurant where he would clean after they shut. they would let him take left overs home. he always brought food home for me but i wasn't hungry. everytime i ate i felt like was going to throw up.

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it was an average night. around eleven thirty pm, i was still in bed. i heard the front door open, then a few gentle steps come towards the bedroom.

then the bedroom door quietly opened, james peaked his head in and when he saw i was awake he came all the way in.

"hey baby" he said softly. i could tell he was tired.
"i brought you some dinner if you want it" he explained while laying on the bed next to me still in his work uniform.

i just wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his big arm around me as he gently kissed the top of my head.

"you hungry?" he asked hopeful looking down at me.
i just shook my head and he sighed. "why not?" he asked with a very sad tone. "i don't know" i explained. "can you please just eat a little bit?" he asked looking at me. "i'll try" i said looking up at him.

when our eyes connected he noticed all the dry mascara on my face. i noticed his eyes start to get watery, "ally baby...please tell me whats wrong" he practically begged while tucking some hair behind my ear.

"im so sorry james" i sobbed "why" he asked, letting a few tears fall down his cheeks.

"because you should have a normal girlfriend not a girlfriend who is fucking depressed!" i cried into my hands while he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"i love you ally" was all he could say while he moved down to be level with my face.

he put his forehead on mine.

"please tell me whats wrong so i can help" james said holding my hands."i don't know what's wrong...i just do this sometimes" i tried to explain even though that probably made no sense to him.

he sighed again and said "ally... i just want you to know im here for you, if wanna you want to do anything or go anywhere or even just lay here i will do it with you just please tell me because...you mean so much to me ally. i need you"

"can you just promise me you will try..." he asked. i nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"thank you baby" he replied with a sad smile wrapping his arms all the way around my frame.

the morning (saturday)

i woke up in his arms and he was already awake. he kissed me and i kissed him back. after i pulled away i looked into his gorgeous ocean blue eyes.

i missed them, even though they didn't go away i just hadn't seen them for awhile.

"breakfast?" he asked with a yawn, "sure" i said even though i was far from sure.

we both got out of bed and james held my hand. my legs were kind of wobbly from the lack of walking i had done the past week. he noticed and wrapped his arm around me and sort of held me as we walked into the kitchen.

when we made it to the kitchen i sat down at the table as james reheated the leftovers from work. when the food was ready he put it into two bowls.

i watched his every move dreading the moment until he would make me eat. i know he only wants the best for me but it's hard. he brought the two bowls over to the table and set one infront of me and one infront of him.

at first i looked anywhere but the food. of course he noticed this and took my hand in his.

"just try...one bite and i'll be happy" james said rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. i gave him a uncertain nod and he gave me a supportive smile.

i took my other hand and prodded at the food with the fork. it was pasta. tears welled in my eyes. i picked up a bit of the food and brought it to my mouth.

i placed the food into my mouth and i saw james genuinely smile. i started chewing and then i swallowed.

he moved over to the seat closest to me and wrapped an arm around me while saying "thank you". i gave him a quick kiss and he continued eating.

i had a few more small bites, he understood that was enough for right now. james kept eating his breakfast and kirk walked into the kitchen.

"mornin" kirk said.

he looked over at james and when he looked at me he smiled. i smiled back and he sat at the table with us. we started a convo about whatever. eventually a few minutes later cliff and lars had woken up and we were all at the table.

just chatting.

one of the many things i really appreciated about the guys is that they never once brought up how rough i looked and they never made any smart ass comments about my struggles. they're all i ever need.

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a/n: happy birthday james hetfield! thought it would be fitting to post today.

sorry this chapter is a bit sad, i would just like to say that this story is in no way trying to romanticise any of the topics mentions.

honestly this story for me is just a way to cope and whatever.

but with that aside i hope you enjoy it.