☆ trapped under ice ☆

☆ thirty eight ☆

august

ally's pov:

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august came way too soon and before we knew it, it was my boys' birthday.

the soft morning light filtered over us, some shadows were casted across the walls from the blinds.

id woken up first, to no surprise. i felt the comfort of james strong arms wrapped around me.

i could feel his chest rising and falling in the steady rhythm.

i slowly turned onto my side to face him, my fingers lightly tracing over his chest.

he stirred awake at my touch, his eyes slowly fluttering open showing the gorgeous blue colour that always seemed to draw me in.

"happy birthday" i whispered, gently.

he offered me a sleepy smile, his arms tightening around me. "thanks" he replied, his voice husky and tired.

there was a hint of hesitation in his eyes and the way that he spoke that caught my attention.

i moved myself so that i was on top of him, my legs on either side of his waist.

i put my crossed arms on top of his chest and rested my head on them. i looked up at him with a worried expression.

"what's wrong" i asked, moving to push a hair out of his face before cupping his cheek.

he sighed, and looked away before saying "it's just... birthdays, you know? im 20 now, ally. im not a teenager anymore, and it's a bit... scary."

his words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of anxiety.

nodded in understanding. birthdays had a peculiar way of stirring up a medley of emotions for anyone.

"i get it" i whispered, nestling my head back on his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against my cheek.

i knew he was saying that turning 20 was scary, but it was more than just that for james. it was a mix of growing up, the responsibilities that set in, and the memories of what once was.

of course, the absence of his parents on this day added another layer of melancholy.

the empty feeling, the void, they left behind when they passed on cast an extra layer of sadness on what is meant to be a special, happy occasion, amplifying the ache he carried within.

i wished that i could take his pain away, but all i could do was be there, trying to provide comfort and love as we got through this day together.

i tried to provide some supportive words, "but james...the reality is you've been 20 for a long time. you had to grow up so young, 20 is only a number. you've been here mentally for a long time"

his fingers traced up and down my back as i further said "but still, i know that doesn't make it any less terrifying"

"im here for you" i looked back up to smile at him.

he wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head before saying "i know" his voice, still quiet.

as we lay there for a little while longer, wrapped in the warmth of each other's arms, finding peace in the shared embrace. we knew that we couldn't enjoy our quiet embrace for too much longer before the other boys interrupted.

i slid off james's lap and nestled back into the comfortable bed beside him. we leaned in for a sweet kiss, our lips meeting in a passionate exchange, and almost on que we were quickly interrupted by a sudden burst of noise.