Obliviate ; Fred Weasley

Eighty-nine

I sat in one of the chairs outside, my knees pulled up to my chest, while my dad was going on and on about Germany.

My eyes were constantly full of tears, because I really just couldn't understand that he was actually here, living, breathing.

Carter seemed to feel the same.

He was leaned back in his own chair, staring at our dad in astonishment.

He laughed at nearly everything dad said. He was overly happy, and so was I, but I was still really fucking shocked.

As I sat there, listening to my dads stories, I realised that he hadn't suffered these years. He had those false memories about us not wanting him and while that was something that hurt him, he hadn't been suffering.

He wasn't held captive or anything. No one tortured him, and I was thankful that he actually just had a life in Germany.

He was a happy man who was excited to sit here with his kids again.

Someone should reach out to Maya.

As if he had read my mind, he looked between Carter and I, opening his mouth to ask the question.

"Where is your sister?" He asked us.

"Oh..." Carter cleared his throat. "Well, she's playing quidditch professionally so she travels a lot. I tried getting a hold on her when Kai was in the hospital, but she hadn't responded."

"You don't speak to Maya on a regular basis?" Dad asked, his eyes now focused on Carter, but Carter shook his head.

"After the battle we..." he sighed. "Everything changed. Maya pulled away a lot. We see her about once a year."

"I haven't seen her since mum got sick." I spoke, my dad now looking at me. "We had a fight, and I... I kicked her out of the flat."

My dad raised his eyebrows slightly as if wanting me to explain it further.

"She blamed me for your...— for your death." I sighed, staring at the ground. "And Fred stepped in and defended me. She was about to hit him and I just... he's my husband, y'know."

"Kai... honey." Dad reached over and placed a hand on my arm. "You don't have to explain yourself for defending your husband. Maya shouldn't have sought to violence. But we do need to get a hold on her."

"I'll keep trying." Carter sighed. "She needs to know you're alive."

-

I kept turning over in bed, unable to sleep. It was too hot, my mind kept racing and I was too aware of the baby sleeping in the bassinet.

Because I was a mother, which I never thought I would be.

But looking at him now that I was supposed to sleep, my mind kept drifting to his birth and how I had to do it all on my own.

I was bathing in my own blood, pulling my own baby out of my fucking vagina. I had no one and I was so scared. I had no equipment and no one with a profession that could help me give birth.

I was lucky he didn't have any issues, and I was lucky I survived it.

I hated thinking about it, but I couldn't do anything but think about it.

Eventually I must've fallen asleep, but not for long because when I woke up gasping for air, it didn't feel like I had even been asleep.

I scrambled towards the headboard, hyperventilating, my eyes wide.

I felt Fred's arms wrap around me and I hadn't even noticed he was awake. He pulled me against him, and his soft voice was in my ear but I didn't hear a word he said.

I felt nauseous, and when the feeling became too much, I scrambled out of bed and rushed to the bathroom.

I just managed to flip up the toilet seat before I threw up everything I had eaten today which wasn't a lot. I used one hand to push my hair away from my face, standing over the toilet.

I shut my eyes, exhaling.

"Kai?" Fred's soft voice filled the bathroom, and I knew he was standing in the door.

"I'm fine." I muttered, wiping my mouth with some toilet paper before flushing the toilet.

I put the seat down and then sat on it, running my hands up and down my thighs.

"You're not fine." He told me, and I glanced at him before looking away. "Kai—"

"Just drop it, Fred!" I snapped.

He nodded once, looking back into the hallway, and then he leaned his back against the doorframe instead of his shoulder.

He slid down until he sat on the floor. His legs were bent at the knees and his arms rested on top of them.

"I thought for sure he had killed you." He said quietly. "I didn't want to believe it, but ten months you were gone. We missed ten months."

"I'm sorry you're so upset about losing ten months with me." I snapped without even meaning to.

Because of cause he was upset too. It wasn't his fault that I went through everything I did.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, his time sincere. I put my elbows on my knees and hid my face in my hands.

"What happened while you were gone?" He asked quietly. "I only know the fractions you've told the Aurors."

I shook my head because I didn't want to talk about it.

"You said you moaned my name during sex, and he— he continued after you asked him to stop."

I inhaled sharply, squeezing my eyes shut. I pressed a hand to my forehead, wanting this conversation to end.

"You gave birth in a bathtub, all by yourself."

"Stop." I whispered, shaking my head.

"Love, I just want to help you."

"But you can't!" I yelled and looked at him. "Especially not by forcing me to speak about it. You have no idea what it was like."

I pushed off the toilet seat and didn't say a word as I brushed my teeth.

Then I left the bathroom, walked past Fred and made my way to the garden, but when I reached the door, I stopped.

I was too afraid to go out there and be on my own.

I stared out into the dark for a moment, and then I rushed back through the house and into the bedroom.

I got into bed and pulled the duvet up to my chin, shutting my eyes, but then Jonas started to cry.

I couldn't do it. I stayed in bed, pressing a hand to my ear to drown out his cries.

I heard footsteps, and I knew Fred was back in the room.

"Make it stop." I whispered as he walked across the room and picked up Jonas.

"I'm gonna make him a bottle." He told me, and the baby cries faded away as he walked out of the room and down the hallway.