If Only I Were A Marauder

Chapter 1

Warnings - mean brother, abusive parents, misogyny

My brother, Peter, had always been the golden child. I didn't quite know why. Perhaps it was because he was male and pure blood wizarding families are full of misogyny. It wasn't exactly like he showed a particular aptitude for magic or course work. He was a decent student but it wasn't like he earned any special honors or was even a prefect. He didn't play Quidditch either. I eventually had to conclude it was just the way it was, my parents would always like him more than me. They would praise him and belittle me. It would've been better if Peter at least had liked me. We had once been very close, but that was before his first year at Hogwarts.

He used to always include me in whatever he did, knowing how hard mom and dad were on me. However, his first year at Hogwarts he became part of the Marauders. Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. When he had invited them over for summer vacation I'd been aching with jealousy. I'd tried desperately to tag along with them wherever they went. They were pretty kind about it, however, Peter had been as nasty as I'd ever seen him. The only time he'd let me tag along without complaint was when we played a simple version of quidditch. I was always on Peter's team, since he was hopeless. Sirius and Remus were decent, and James was extremely skilled. I was a bit better than average, so the only way to balance the teams, with the atrocity that was Peter on a broom, was to have me play too.

Since then he'd gotten a bit better, but he still insulted me, and mopped around when I came to things. I just wanted some friends. I knew I followed them around like a stray puppy, but I desperately wanted someone to like me and be close to me.

As I stood at King's Cross station, I looked at the three boys I admired so much. I'd had crushes on all of them at one point or another. It'd started with Sirius of course, because who didn't have a crush on Sirius Black at some point. He flirted with everyone, all the time. He could say things that made me so warm, I felt like I would sweat through my robes. He was all gorgeous black hair, sparkling eyes, and smart remarks. It had faded when I'd realized I wasn't special, and holding out hope was a fools errand. Next, it had been James, the cocky quidditch master, whose curly hair and glasses made me swoon. I remembered staying up all night before games when Gryffindor played Ravenclaw, nerves swooping around in my stomach. When I realized how obsessed he was with Lily Evans, I'd given up. Finally, quiet Remus, who was always the kindest to me anyway. I would try to spoil him after the full moon, me and the Mauraders were the only ones who knew his secret, and I also knew they were all animagi. Even after I'd become one too, my animal was a small snow leopard, Peter still barred me from coming with them. He said it was because I was a girl. Remus had let me down gently, he was the only one I'd ever confessed to liking. He told me he was gay, and he and Sirius had been secretly dating for months. For some reason, that had made me feel even better than if he'd liked me back. Finally, I knew something my brother didn't, not even James knew. It was almost as if I'd never had romantic feelings for any of them, I just wanted to feel important.

"Let's get on!" Peter hollered. They boys ran behind him. I was lost a bit in the fray, like Peter, I was short. Finally, I caught sight of them at a compartment, and joined them eagerly. Peter had promised that this year I could ride with them. I was tired of awkward journeys with people I didn't know.

My heart fell when I saw Mary and Marlene were already in the compartment.

"Peter," I hissed, knowing that there would be no more room.

"What can I do," he snapped.

"We could squeeze," Marlene offered in futility, I would never fit.

"You could sit on my lap Moony," Sirius offered, and watched his boyfriend go red. James and Peter knew now, and I had gloated for weeks about knowing first.

"Just go get another cabin," Peter waved me off.

"But you said-"

"Don't be a baby," he laughed. I felt tears prick my eyes in frustration. I sent a stinging hex his way, knowing he'd have the shame of having one of his friends undo it, because he was miserable at magic. I enjoyed his yelp of pain as I slammed the sliding door.

Compartment after full compartment, nasty look after nasty look, I made my way down the train, until finally, I came to one that only had one person. He was stunningly handsome. He had dark curls and angular face. There was an air of mystery around him. He was so good looking I nearly couldn't make my voice work to ask if I could stay.

"I-can I sit here, most everywhere else is full," I asked in a tiny voice.

"I don't mind," he said without even looking up from his book. He looked vaguely familiar, perhaps I'd seen him a couple times before... oh right, he was Slytherin's Seeker, I hadn't recognized him without his gear.

"You're- you're Regulus Black, aren't you?" I asked.

"And you're y/n Pettigrew," he responded and I was shocked he knew my name. "Or Ravenclaw's Seeker."