If Only I Were A Marauder

Chapter 11

Warnings - abuse (physical and verbal), trauma bonding, trauma dumping, lying, pity date, stupid people, Marauders being villains, mentions of touch starvation, bad family dynamics, almost using an unforgiving curse, beating someone up, hatred.

Regulus and I were on our rounds together. We were walking and talking casually. I had something I needed to ask him.

"Reg, you are always so sweet to me," I smiled. "If you're okay with it, could you talk to me about some hard things. I want to be able to comfort you too. I feel like our friendship is uneven."

"Only if we trade stories," he mused.

"You start," I offered.

"It wasn't often physical, but when it was, it was bad. Once they threw me into a bookcase when I got a poor grade, and by poor I mean one before the top," he said, awkwardly rubbing his hands together.

"And Sirius doesn't think you were abused?" I asked incredulously.

"They kept our punishments separate, they tried their best to pit us against one another, hoping we'd both achieve our best. However, only I took the bait."

"Mine was mainly verbal as well," I said, looking at the ground. It was more survivable when Peter was kind to me, when he got everything I ever wanted, I became very angry," I told him.

"You know, we were strangers then, but we had the exact same experience. Abused children, being shunned by their elder brother for the company of The Marauders," he said, staring into the distance.

"Perhaps we were destined to be friends," I said with a grim smile.

"My father was abrupt, always a quick slap out of no where, or an insult ringing through the silence, and then nothing. My mother was the opposite. When I'd done something wrong she'd drag me into a room and berate me for so long it felt like the earth had stopped turning."

I felt weak with pity for him. I took his hand gently, and I watched him bite the inside of his cheek.

"For me, the abuse was like transference," I said carefully. "Every insult, could have easily been about Peter. It's like they were mad their son wasn't what their daughter was. They called me dumb when I got top grades. They called me a moron with magic, and I'm quite talented. They insult my flying abilities, and I'm Seeker of the Ravenclaw team. I wish I knew why they couldn't just love us both."

"They're defective, who couldn't want you?" He asked, and I heated all over.

"I think the worst they called me was weak, I never want to be weak," he murmured.

"Well, you're not, you're the strongest person I know," I said honestly. He squeezed my hand in thanks.

"Once, I said that Kreacher, our house elf, should be freed," he said as he removed his hand from mine to pull up his sleeve.

"My mum slashed a knife through my arm before I could finish the sentence," he showed me the mark. I gasped, and stopped so I could take his arm. The pink scar was wide, and the cut must've been very deep.

"Regulus, oh, Regulus," I said, and my tears dropped onto his skin.

"Oh, don't cry!" He said worriedly. I leaned down, and pressed a kiss to the damaged skin.

"F-fuck," he said, and I watch his legs wobble. "That's the most lovely thing that's ever been done to my skin. Sometimes I enjoyed it when Sirius slapped me, because someone I cared about was touching me."

"Sirius beat you up?" I demanded, feeling my wand hand tingle.

"We are brothers, of course we beat each other up. Don't worry, I won as much as I lost. He has more muscles, but I am taller and have Quidditch reflexes."