If Only I Were A Marauder

Chapter 8

Warnings - verbally abusive parents, howler, comfort, mentions of abusive family, anger, touch starved, panic, sadness, negative sibling dynamic, financial manipulation

"Do not go!" Sirius said from his place on Moony's lap.

"Regulus just invited me, it's Dromeda's party," I explained. It'd been such a mistake to tell them. I just couldn't resist having information.

"She does not vet who she invites," Sirius told me. "Anyone who wants to go can go."

"Then you guys could come!" I said.

"Go to a Slytherin party?" Sirius newly screamed, always so dramatic.

"Please don't go, y/n, what if you get hurt," James said, grabbing my hands. He'd been a lot more touchy lately. I couldn't figure out why.

"You're such a bloody idiot. You'll do anything for a little attention," said Peter.

"You all are crazy," I rolled my eyes. "I'm great at magic. If someone tried to duel me, I'd be fine. Plus, I'd have Dromeda on my side, and she's the party planner."

"I suppose," said Remus.

"I never get invited to parties," I said in a small voice.

"I wonder why," Peter scoffed.

"I'll make sure to take you to our next one," James grinned. I really wanted to know what had changed.

After that talk, a few days later, at breakfast, an owl swooped down to give me a letter. I was startled, I didn't often get letters. Oh no, it was red.

I snatched it, and I began to run.

"PETER TOLD US OF YOUR IDIOTIC PLAN TO GO TO A SLYTHERIN PARTY!" My mothers voice echoed through the halls as I ran.

"YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU CONSTANTLY BRING SHAME ON THIS FAMILY!"

My feet were pounding against the stone floor. I needed to make it to the owlery. I felt tears prick my eyes. How could Peter do this?

"FOCUS ON YOUR BLOODY STUDIES LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO. WE WILL NOT BE SENDING YOUR ALLOWANCE FOR THREE WEEKS FOR YOUR INTENSE STUPIDITY. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO TELL YOU HOW BRAIN DEAD AND WORTHLESS YOU ARE BEFORE YOU GET IT? NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO MAKE A DECISION, RUN IT BY PETER, HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS BRAINS BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU!"

Finally, I made it to the Owlery. My parents had never bought me an owl, I always had to use the school's.

"T-take this far away," I asked the owl through sobs. "And throw it in an ocean."

The owl seemed to give me a pitying look, and flew off. I slid down the wall and cried into my hands.

"Y/n?" A gentle voice said. I looked up to see Regulus. He looked at me sadly.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I saw you running out of the Great Hall, I wanted to make sure you are okay," he said, and he sat beside me.

"Regulus, I know you're weird about touch, but can you hold me? Just this once?" I begged. After his breath hitched, he opened his arms. I threw myself into him. I could hear his heart hammering in his chest as I made damp spots on his robes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Stupid Peter," I sniffed. "He sent my parents a letter and told them about the party you invited me to. They ripped me to shreds in a Howler."

"I'm so, so, sorry, I can't believe I caused this," he said dismally, as he drew a triangle on my arm, then spelled out the word 'sorry'.

"Regulus, this isn't your fault, why would you immediately assume this is your fault?" I asked

"Force of habit," he murmured.

"You poor thing," I said, nuzzling my face into his chest. He was surprisingly warm. He smelled like pine and sweet wine.

"What's going on, we need to mail letters," two Gryffindors said, all giggles. Regulus stood up immediately. He marched over to the two Gryffindors. Finally, I saw what everyone else must see all the time. He was venomous, lethal, a snake ready to strike. He was clearly from the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, with the respect he commanded. He was towering over them like a dark specter.

"You need to leave," he demanded. "No one can come in here right now."

"We're sorry!" They squeaked and scurried off.

He came back over, and took me back in his arms.

"I finally get it," I said.

"Get what?" He asked.

"You're a shapeshifter," I said, and I played with the collar of his robes. I could feel the uneveness of his breath, and I knew I was probably driving him to overstimulation with my touch. I removed my hand.

"What do you mean?"

"When I see you. I see a sad, soft, dorky, kind, boy. So when others describe you as hard and dark, and dangerous, it just doesn't make sense to me. But what you did right there, I see it. You can change."

"Well, there's an expectancy for me, there's a role required of me, and I play it well. I'm pretty sure you're one of the only ones who can see through it so well. My own parents and brother can't."

"I doubt they're trying," I said

"That's what I like about you, you try, at everything, you try so damn hard," he said, and he rubbed my arm.

"I wish it worked out more often when I tried," I said.

"I'm sorry it doesn't, you deserve it," he said kindly.

"So do you," I said.

"Are you going to not come to the party now?" He asked.

"Of course not, this only made me want to go more!" I said intensely.

"Haha, that reminds me of Sirius, always the contrarian," he smiled.

I sat up and wiped my eyes. I gave Regulus a smile.

"Thanks for being a good friend," I said, placing my hand on his knee.

"We're friends?" He asked.

"Did anyone else follow me up here?" I chuckled.

"I suppose," he said, but he smiling wide. "Can I tell you something really lame," he said.

"Yeah, you can tell me anything Reg," I said, my thumb brushing his knee.

"You have just, such pretty eyes, sometimes I get distracted by talking to you," he said, his cheeks red.

"That's really nice, you have pretty eyes too," I said, feeling like I was in a dream state, as I reached up to touch the space beside his left eye. I ran my finger down, and touched his lips.

"And nice lips," I said. His mouth hung open slightly. He was taking deep but shaky breathes, his eyes were wide.

"And cheekbones," I said, tracing them.

"Th-thank you," he said. "You're very nice you know that? You deserve more than to play second fiddle to Peter."

I dropped my hand, and leaned my head back against the wall. I closed my eyes.

"Sometimes it feels like we're in the same boat, because I could say the same to you," I said.

"I know what you mean," he replied.