If Only I Were A Marauder

Part 30

Info - trauma, dark magic, cannablism, murder, Horcrux, for seeing death, fight, angst

Kreacher had told us his tale and promptly passed out from exhaustion. Regulus had look furious during the story. He'd tucked his elf in kindly, and pulled me aside.

"It's worse than I thought," Regulus said in a low voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember that word you asked me about, on my list?" He asked.

"Yeah, Horcrux," I remembered, just saying it made me shudder. The way he'd told me not to worry about it made me know it was bad.

"A Horcrux is an item, anything, and it can hide a piece of someone's soul," he explained.

"Someone's soul," I asked in horror.

"He's trying to beat death, if he's killed, he won't truly die. Part of his soul will be intact!"

"That locket, you think that's what it was?" I asked with worry.

"Yes, why hide a locket so well if not, I know he doesn't give a shit about elves, but he probably wanted Kreacher to die and take his secret to the grave. He knew my parents wouldn't make a fuss."

"How do you make one?" I asked slowly. Regulus turned green.

"You have to kill, and then e-eat part of the body. It rips the souls apart. Then, it goes into the item," he explained and I felt sick.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"Well we've got to get it and destroy it. If he goes against anyone, even Dumbledore, who bested fucking Grindlewald, they could kill him and he wouldn't die. We're the only ones who know," he said urgently.

"Are we really the best choice?" I asked weakly.

"We're the only ones, we let this out and our place in their inner circle is rubbish. We can't tell anyone, and we're the only people who could possibly know," he said sadly.

"We're only just of age, and....and, I can't lose you," I wrapped him in my arms.

"I knew this would happen, I knew I'd have to choose between you and this journey. I do adore you, but I have to try-"

"Shut it Black," I said, tears in my eyes. "You know I'm in it with you until the end, you don't need to choose."

"We've got to plan," he said seriously. We needed to account for everything. We stayed in his room all day. He had Kreacher go over the story over and over.

"He is very smart, but he has left some holes," Regulus mused.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Well he clearly didn't know that house elves disapperate and apparate very differently from Wizards. He didnt know Kreacher could leave the caves," he said. I admired his intelligence.

"He's self centered, that's why I think my broom idea will work," I whispered. Our main issue was that the boat would only hold one wizard of age, both of us were of age. Regulus wanted Kreacher to come with us, and apparate me over and have Regulus ride on the creepy boat. I didn't trust Kreacher. He mumbled to himself and a lot of what he said sounded like every blood purest I'd ever heard. Regulus seemed to be the exception and not the rule.

"We can't trust him. Riddle never played Quidditch, don't you think there's a chance he hasn't accounted for that. Inferi can't fly, I could zoom over them," I said desperately.

"You are right that I don't want to expose him to more information than necessary, while I'm around, it's safe, but if something were to happen to me..." he trailed off.

"Stop talking that way," I growled. He'd been saying it a lot.

"Can I be honest with you," he said nervously.

"Of course," I said, covering his hand.

"I feel really bad about this, I know I have to do it, and I'm no Seer, we've had some in our family but..."

"Reg, tell me," I begged.

"I think this is it for me."

The statement was so final, so abrupt I felt like I'd been smacked. I couldn't quite fathom what he was saying.

"Huh?"

"My whole life, I haven't thought I'd live long. I don't know why, but I always have, since I was a child. I also have always felt my life is leading up to one big event, I assumed it was meeting you when we fell in love, but I know it isn't now. I'm going to die on that lake in an effort to save the wizarding world."

I whirled around and stalked away. I faced the wall, my tears were hot as they streamed down my face. I grabbed the duplicate locket from my pocket, and ran a thumb over it. Even if I smashed it, he'd do it, and if I didn't go, he'd do it alone or with Kreacher.

"Mon amour," he came up to me. "It's okay, I'm glad I spent my last year with you. Even if we weren't together the entire time. You gave me a new light and life that I never-"

"Shut up! Just shut up!" I screamed. He looked shocked.

"You're acting like Sirius and James and Peter, like the world revolves around you!" I sobbed. "Why would the universe care so deeply about killing off one Slytherin student huh? You're not special enough for the universe to send you messages about death."

I wasn't trying to be rude, and I could see he knew that. I just couldn't handle it. He was so blasé. He was so sure. He needed to stop before I exploded.

"I didn't say I was, this is just what I feel-"

"No," I said, and I pulled at his robes wildly. "No you're not, you're going to die in my arms, with grey hair and our kids all around us. You're not dying on that stupid lake," I was weeping so hard I could barely breathe.

"I know this is hard, but look, I came to terms with it long ago-"

I couldn't let him finish any of his ludicrous ideas.

"So the whole time we've been together. When we made love on the top of the Astronomy tower, the night you first slept inside me, when you fought with Sirius, when you let me come here, and we talked about our future. you knew. You were fine with leaving me a miserable mess after you valiantly gave your life for the Wizarding world?"

"I, I don't know. I didn't think anyone could feel the way you feel about me. I knew you'd be okay. You're lovely, you'll move on. You'll be happy, and you'll be safe! That's what I want more than anything."

"No I won't," I collapsed on the floor. "I won't be happy or safe and I could never move on. I can't believe you've kept this from me."

"I don't know for sure," he mumbled.

"But you believe it," I shot back.

"I do."

"You've got a death wish! You hate yourself so much you want to die in a glorious way," I accused.

"It isn't that, I thought it was, but it's just a gut feeling," he sighed. "Perhaps I have Seer genes."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say we'll spend the rest of this day together. Say I can make love to you. Think about it, without you, I would've died alone. No one would have known my true heart, I would've never slept beside the woman I love, I would've never experienced true, deep love and care. I'll die a more whole individual and not a piece of who I should be. Everyone would think of me as the Death Eater who lived and died for Voldmort, but I have you."

"Stop romanticizing it," I begged, and for the first time since Regulus and I had gotten together, I held myself. I hadn't had to hold myself for comfort in so long.

"Let me kiss you. Let me make love to you, let's cuddle or read together or something. Our plan is good to go. Let's spend time together, don't let this change things."

"I can't Regulus, I can't."