I Never Stopped | ongoing

Chapter 19 | All A's

・❥・

"Sage."

I look up, meeting the eyes of Logan and Orion and Reece. "Yeah?"

"Would you pick Sawyer in a room full of people?"

"Is Theo James there?"

"All of your celebrity crushes are in this room," Orion clarifies.

I shrug my shoulders, my answer not changing. "Sawyer's the first person I see when I walk into a room."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'd pick him every time."

❦

Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment. Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment.

Those five words have been on repeat in my head for I don't even know how long. They're like a song on loop that hasn't stopped and it's slowly driving me insane because I know failing isn't an option. It's never an option, not for me and definitely not for parents.

Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment. Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment.

This time of year is always the hardest for me. It's crunch time and I haven't been doing very good under all of this pressure. I already hold myself to such high standards that any mistake or bad grade will completely demolish any self worth I have left.

Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment. Finals. Passing. Failing. Failure. Disappointment.

I'm tired, I'm stressed and I'm smut deprived. I've been so busy trying to score the best I can on all these tests that I haven't taken any time to sit down and read a freaking book. That toe-curling, nailing biting smut in my Kindle is calling out my name, but can I read any of it? NO.

AND WORST OF ALL...

I've barely seen Sawyer the last few days. I mean we all see each other at school but it's just not the same. We haven't cuddled or watched a movie and we've barely even kissed.

We've both been busy; I've been studying for tests and he's been practicing for basketball, going to the gym, and studying.

I thought I had it hard, this bitch has to exercise and then do his work after. I could never.

Even though I'm grumpy, tired and horny for Sawyer, I will remain the child of God that I am and work on my studies so I don't get grounded for life and never see civilization again. LOL. Life is great.

Wow. I'm really annoying. I feel bad for all of the people that have to put up with me 'cause even my thoughts annoy the fuck out of me.

Truth is, I'm just really tired of all of this pressure to be great and I really miss my boyfriend. I love him. Like a lot. A shit ton and it's been bubbling up inside of me for so long that I just tell him. But, the thought of telling him and him not saying it back makes me keep it in.