I love you most / Sanzu Haruchiyo x reader

Regret?

HARU'S POV
I enter the house and everything's normal which makes me sigh in relief that nothing happened to y/n while I was gone.

I sit on the bed next to y/n's sleeping figure but also wince in pain from Mikey's punches. I'm happy with the decision I made. I take the back of hand and move stray hairs off her face. Y/n is like my home, I can wander far from her but I'll always find a way back because I belong here.

"Haru?" Y/n quietly whispers as her eyes flutter open. "What happened to your face?!"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." I shush her gently while stroking her head. "Get some rest."

I get up and get the first aid kit again for my face. I stand in the bathroom while staring at my face and disinfecting wounds and putting bandaids on them. It is very painful and I continuously wince throughout the whole procedure. I look down at the sink which has splashes of blood covering it, I turn on the sink to clean it up. Looking back at the mirror, I carry on staring at my bruised and beaten face.

Was that the last time I was going to see Mikey?

I touch my cheeks to the corners of my mouth, where my scars were. I look at them in the mirror then look into my eyes.

Tears. When did they start rolling down my face?

"DAMN IT!!" I yelled while slapping my face.

I felt, just for a split second, regret.

I shouldn't be feeling that.

I chose y/n over Mikey and I shouldn't regret that.

But why does my heart keep panging against my chest? Why is my head spinning? Why won't the tears stop? Is this regret? Or is it something else? I don't know. I'm just so confused about everything!

I shove my face against my hands. They immediately feel wet from the tears drizzling out of my eyes. I carried on weeping against my hands, trying to stop myself from screaming out of frustration.

"Haru, what's wrong? You can tell me anything." Y/n reassures me while hugging my back.

"M-mikey is- he's-"

I can't speak and continue snivel.

"It'll be okay Haru, take your time. Let's sit down on the bed so you're more comfortable, is that fine?"

I nod and y/n takes my hand and leads me to the bed which we sit down on together. I take deep breathes and try to calm the tears. They don't stop which frustrates me as they hinder me from speaking properly.

"I met Mikey too." I sigh. "He gave me an offer to join him."

I look to y/n in the corner of my eye. She's understandably shocked as Mikey told her he didn't want me to come along with him.

"But it was at a price. I refused after hearing it."

"What was it?" Y/n curiously asks.

"You. He said if I left you then I'd be able to go with him."

Y/n doesn't say anything she just wraps her arms around my waist tightly and leans her head on my side.

"Haru you would reject an offer like that... for me?"

"After thinking it through it became clear that there's no one I would rather be with than you." I smile ever so slightly at my words. "But I can't help but feel so... distraught at the thought of never seeing Mikey again, it felt like I was regretting my decision..."

"You care a lot about Mikey, it makes sense you would feel upset. Don't beat yourself up over feeling like that."

"It's true but I just don't want you to think I'm not taking you seriously or that I'm not fully  committed to you. I am, I love you and-"

Y/n places her hand on my cheek and pulls me closer to give a peck on my lips.

"Then what more could matter? What you're feeling is normal, don't think you're weird for it." Y/n comforts me. "Thank you for sharing this to me. It's must've been difficult for you."

"Thank you for listening to all my problems. It means a lot and I don't regret choosing you, it's a shame I might not see Mikey again but if it's for you then..."

I don't have to say anymore as I trail off and admire the tenderness glowing from y/n's face. She can interpret all my feelings perfectly, I feel so overjoyed that there's someone who understands me so well. This side of her is reminiscent of the situation with Mrs l/n and how easily y/n calmed her. Even though she seemed fine with the idea of me and y/n, worries of that nature can't disappear so suddenly and, understandably, shouldn't. She's probably worried about y/n right now.

I rely on y/n a lot but so do other people- her family. Who does she rely on? I would hope y/n's able to rely on me but it seems kind of one sided right now...

Y/n pulls down so that we're both lying on the bed.

"Don't you want to go back home? Your mom might be worried."

"But I wanna stay with you."

I chuckle at her childish tone. My long hair falls on her face as I hover over her, struggling to get up. I try to push the blonde hair out of her face but she runs her hands through it instead. I pause and relax at the sensation of her fingers massaging my scalp.

"Your hair's so pretty." She compliments me with a sleepy voice. "Have you thought about dying it?"

"Not really." I laugh at the randomness of her observation. "What colour would you want my hair to be?"

"Pink, because it's your favourite colour."

That is true, pink is my favourite colour as evidenced by my pink bike and multiple items of clothing that are pink.

"I'll dye my hair pink if you're the one to do it."

"Really? You'd let me do that?"

"Of course, how about we go out tomorrow and buy the dye?"

"I'd love to!"

"Then it's settled." I smile and push myself up. "But for now let's get you home."

"Awww but I like being here."

"Did you tell your mom that you're here?"

"Umm... well no..." She admits and sits up.

I hold her hand and help her off the bed. The sight of her ever so slightly retracting her right foot at the touch of the floor makes me twinge with guilt and I squeeze her hand unconsciously. She squeezes my hand back and leans to me while we walk to the entrance and put our shoes and coats on.

Leaving the house was quite peaceful. No sound from anywhere. Just us. I value time like this spent with y/n with no one to bother us.

As I wave to her while walking away I see the door open and her worried mother taking her inside with Kenji right beside, smiling with joy and y/n ruffling his hair. The light coming from the house shines brightly and contrasts with the darkness outside where I'm standing. I can't help but feel even the tiniest bit envious of that. A loving family. The door closes and the darkness completely overtakes the area now.

I sigh and walk back to my house where no one is waiting for me.