I love you most / Sanzu Haruchiyo x reader

Thank you

Y/N'S POV

"Mom... am I... a murderer?..."

Me and mom sit in silence, both wearing black and sitting in the empty church. There was no funeral procession for my dad but here we are sitting and almost, almost mourning his death. Hard to believe.

"Y/n you were doing all you could to protect Haruchiyo. I don't want to think about it but had you not stepped in he could've... you know..."

"Yes but... killing him was too far..."

I sit with my hands clenched together and rest my arms on my thighs. Mom notices me deep in thought but doesn't want to interrupt.

Dad acknowledged me somewhat. He was on his deathbed but he still... It's something I've always wanted but.. I can't accept it. I killed him. In my mind it doesn't matter the context but just that I killed a person, I ended a life. Even if I had such a mixed relationship with him, that was too much.

He was going to hurt Haru though...

What does Haru think of me? Does he see me differently? I can't loose him. In this state I think if I lost Haru, I wouldn't be able to carry on. I have to see him.

My legs start shaking and my arms struggle to balance on them.

"Y/n, in my eyes you're no different, you're still my daughter. You had a reason for what you did, you did it to defend the person closest to you. You're not a murderer, okay?"

I lift my head up and take a sigh before standing up.

"I'm going to see Haru..."

"Be careful on your way there."

"I will."

I walk out of the church and stop for a second to admire the snowflakes gracefully falling from the cloudy sky. It had been snowing heavily just a bit earlier, you can tell from the piles of snow covering the pavement and the ice on the road with tyres marks imbued onto them.

I watch a small, swirly cloud float up as I exhale and then start walking in the direction of Haru's house. My pace is quite slow from everything that's happened and the thought of how Haru might react to seeing me.

Would he want to see me? There's a chance he might just close the door in my face. It would hurt of course, but after the gruesome scene I made I don't think Haru could see me the same way.

When I reach the front door I lift my knuckle up to knock on his door. I sharply halt my movement though and stare at the diamond shaped glass on the brown door instead, my translucent reflection.

I look different, don't I? That much I can tell. My hair still flowing in the wind, my eyes still of the same colour, my scar still on my cheek. I don't know what's changed but I can just tell I have. I don't want that though. I want to be same person I always am, the same one that my family and Haru love.

I move my hand away and decide not to see Haru. I turn around and start walking but I hear the sound of the door opening which causes me to glance back.

"Haru...?" My voice is broken and my utter can barely be heard.

Haru's standing there. His black coat wrapped around him, his pink hair tied up in a ponytail, his face still bruised and paler than the snow, his scarf covering his mouth and his light blue eyes filled with sorrow. He freezes in place at the sight of me.

I cover my eyes with my hands and turn forward again as those possibilities of Haru not wanting to see me may be true.

I hear light, fast footsteps and then the feeling of Haru's warm embrace holding me close.

"You're okay, I'm so glad you're okay." Haru says with a shaky voice. "Don't cry, I'm here for you."

"I-I thought you wouldn't love me anymore..." I try to speak but this all just sounds like mumbles.

"Of course I still love you. You even saved my life, how could that make me stop loving you?"

"But I killed someone-"

"Don't say that. You didn't kill him. He could've been taken to the hospital and survived with that injury but he decided to take his life. You heard what he said."

Overwhelmed with relief that our relationship hadn't changed, I don't say anything more and just cry into Haru's chest. He strokes my head and holds me while leading me into his house so we weren't in the cold.

"Here, lie down on the couch."

We're now in the living room which is all cleaned up since the last time I was here. The lights are off though, and instead the fireplace is lit, It's flame dances wildly and illuminates all that it reaches. Haru helps me lie down on the couch and then hands me a pillow to hug. He kneels down next to me and pats my head with continuous words of reassurance.

"Thank you for saving me. I really do love you."

"I love you too..."

"I've only made few promises in my life and all of them were to keep you safe and never leave you alone. You can hold me to all of them because it won't happen, I won't leave you again like I did before. Especially not when you need me most."

My lips quiver as I try to respond but Haru lowers his face till his lips catch mine, effectively silencing me.

"Can you lie down with me?" I whisper to him as his face slowly retracts back. Haru smiles as I move over and make room for him on the fairly small couch. It may be tiny but it's enough for us.

Haru wordlessly joins me, immediately pulling me to his chest and holding me close.

"I love you." Haru whispers one more time as his eyes close and I feel the grip on me loosen, him drifting to sleep. I repeat "I love you" back to him in a mumble as I too am exhausted. The stress from everything was eating away at me and to finally be at peace with Haru feels like a heavy weight being lifted away.

Maybe if things went differently Hiroto, my dad, could've been apart of this family.