natasha x daughter one shots

closed doors

warnings: self harm, talks of suicide

age: 15

-

Y/N's POV

"Honey, you need to come and eat dinner, please. I know that you're sleepy and I can see your exhaustion, but you've just gotta get some food into your system before you go to bed."

"Not hungry," I mumble from under my covers.

My mom's been trying to get me to eat for probably the past twenty minutes now. I'm starving, I haven't eaten all day. But in all honesty, I don't have the energy to move from my bed.

I've been hiding my feelings from my mama for a long time now, and I'd say I'm pretty good at it. But recently it's been getting harder and harder to mask and I'm running out of excuses as to why I don't have the energy for basic things like eating or showering or whatnot.

The only thing I have the energy for nowadays is cutting. It's what's keeping me going; being able to turn the emotional pain into something physical instead. I like to think of it as a release. Maybe it's not the best coping mechanism one can have, but it's better than the other option.

The permanent one.

I'm not gonna do it, though. At least, I think I'm not going to.

I don't even really want to, but sometimes that little voice comes back and tries to convince me otherwise. It tries to tell me that maybe I should just do it, get it over and done with. The only problem is, sometimes it gets too strong and I start to believe it. I wouldn't say I've given up all hope for my future, but right now it's so hard to see a way through.

"Alright. Fine. It's gonna be in the fridge for you when you're ready, okay?" she tells me and leans down to kiss my head before standing up and leaving my room again.

At least, that's what I thought.

The second I hear the door shut, I pick myself up off my bed and slowly walk into the bathroom.

As if on autopilot, I immediately go to find my item of choice from it's hiding place, and sit myself down on the floor. My bathroom floor has always been somewhat of a comfort. Maybe it's the cool feel of the tiles against me or simply that it's a place I can lock myself into whenever I need to get away from the world.

NATASHA's POV

She doesn't think I'm that stupid, does she? I know when something's wrong with my daughter and I'm definitely not letting her get away with it this time. Whatever's going on, it's upsetting her to a degree that she barely comes out of her room anymore, she just stays in bed all day.

The good thing is, though, that she was so tired that she didn't even realize I was still in her room when she walked to the bathroom. I shut the door and made light footstep sounds to make it seem as if I had left - but I stayed right here. Being a trained spy really comes in handy sometimes.

I really hate to be this type of mom, but I decide to search her room. It sounds awful, I know, but all I want is to keep her safe and to do that, I need answers.

Being as quiet and careful as I can, I start underneath her mattress. That's where all teenagers hide things they don't want their parents to see, right?

Fortunately, the search for whatever's wrong didn't last very long considering I was right straight away. Everything I'm looking for is right here under her mattress.

Every blade, every vape, every bottle of vodka or wine she's gotten from who knows where.

Surprising myself, I'm not mad at her. How could I be? She's clearly battling something in her mind and this is how she's coping. Normally I would just ground her for having alcohol or for smoking, but this is different.

After taking a deep breath to process what I've just witnessed, I take all the items out from her bed and go put them in my bedroom instead. This is gonna be one hell of a talk I have with her.

-

I was still trying to come to terms with my recent discovery of Y/N's habits when there's a knock at my bedroom door. Here we go.

"Come in," I say and a moment later, there's a tentative head peaking through. "You don't have to be scared, sweetheart. Come on," I reassure her and soon enough, she's perched herself on my bed as far as possible from where I'm sitting.

"So, you know?" she speaks up after a few moments of silence.

"I only know what I've seen. I don't know the reasoning, but it better be damn good."

Maybe that was harsh - but I'm not letting smoking or drinking go without justification. "How did you know I knew?"

"Went under my mattress. None of my stuff was there anymore," she replies shyly and curls further into herself, scratching at her arm harshly.

"You having thoughts about hurting yourself?" I question cautiously and she hesitates for a minute before nodding.

"Okay. Well why don't you come over here? I'll hold you for a little while and we can put on Brooklyn Nine-Nine to distract you?"

She doesn't say anything, I think she's too scared to talk right now in case she screws up and says the wrong thing, so she only nods. She's always been worried of disappointing me, but she hasn't. Not at all. She never could.

"Come here, my baby," I say and she quickly shuffles over into my arms.

"I'm so sorry, mama."

"Sweetheart, don't be! You haven't done anything wrong. We'll talk in a little bit but for now, just try and unwind."

-

It's been just over an hour now and I've noticed Y/N has finally stopped digging into her skin and her body has fully relaxed against me. It's time.

"Honey... are you ready to talk now?" I ask in a soft tone.

"I guess. You promise not to judge me?"

"When have I ever judged you before?" I question seriously, giving her a small smile and nudging her arm when she doesn't answer me.

"Okay. Uhh, I guess it all started a few months ago. I don't know why, I really don't, but I just started feeling worse and every single day just felt like such a chore. It got the point where I couldn't even stand facing the world, which is why I always stay in my room now. And as you know, I've gotten myself into some bad habits. The cutting started not too long ago, maybe a few weeks. But I can't stop. Believe me, I've tried."

With every new thing she tells me, my heart breaks a fraction more. I can't believe I didn't look into this sooner.

"Oh, sweetheart. I had no idea you were feeling this badly. I really wish you would've gotten me and talked to me about it."

"I thought you'd be mad," she admits in a low tone.

"Baby, listen to me," I tell her firmly and cup her face, lifting it so she can look at me. "I will never be mad at you for something like this. You're struggling and you can't help that. I was only initially shocked by the alcohol and vapes, but I imagine you're just using them as a reliever? To numb some of that whirlwind going on inside your head?"

She nods, too ashamed to keep eye contact.

"Y/N/N, you know that I only want what's best for you. I took all that away out of fear, but I know that's not how it works. I can't just take it from you and expect you to 'be fine' or never do it again. You can have it all back, but we're gonna work through this together and get you some help because I'm telling you now, I will not lose my daughter. You are my world and I need you here." As selfish as it sounds, she's the most precious piece of my heart and if anything were to happen to her... I don't even want to think about it.

"Mom, I'm scared," she whispers and her eyes start filling up with tears.

"Scared of what, detka?"

"Everything. My mind. I don't wanna do this anymore!" she wails and I'm quick to placate her by bringing her onto my lap so her front was against mine, our hearts beating simultaneously and I start rubbing my hand up and down her back slowly.

"I promise, I've got you. You're gonna be okay, my love. You don't have to hide anymore. I swear on my life, I will get you out of this. I've got you. I've really got you."