natasha x daughter one shots

mind over matter

PLEASE READ!

making an autistic reader one shot because i feel like there is such a lack of education on asd and autistic people are typically viewed as just people with learning difficulties and constantly flapping their hands or touching things they shouldn't

which it's not.

like you look it up and there is just so much false and inaccurate information and that info mainly comes from non-autistic people and i'm a firm believer that unless you have experienced a certain thing yourself, you don't have the right to spread facts about it

and also when angsty parts come up please refrain from saying things like "yn tone it down" or "what's up your ass" or anything alone those lines for this one shot because truth be told, we can't control what comes out of our mouths sometimes and it's not because we're trying to be mean on purpose

age: 15

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Y/N's POV (fun fact - i nearly wrote 'evy's pov haha anywayyy)

Ten a.m.

Another lay in. Everyday this week. All because I don't have the energy to do something as simple as go to bed, yet I still stay up all night on my phone due to lack of self control.

"Morning, sweet pea," mama says softly from beside me. I had to sleep next to her last night because I woke up from a bad dream and it wouldn't leave my head. One of the downsides to being autistic, something gets in your head and all of a sudden, it won't leave. It just lingers for hours and hours. No matter what you do to distract yourself, the imagine, whether it be good or bad, stays. And sometimes the only thing that can help me feel safe is sleeping with a safe person, i.e, my mom.

"How did you sleep, my love?" she questions, knowing that last night was a hard one for me.

"Great."

I did not sleep fucking great. I slept horribly. But I couldn't tell her that. Literally. Something in my brain restricts me from telling people or showing them how I genuinely feel. That's my least favorite part of having autism, it's the conscious or subconscious process in which one camouflages or hides their true feelings and/or behaviors to fit in with the standards of society. Anyone can mask, but neurotypical people tend to do it with the knowledge that their doing it. It's intentional so they can hide their emotions for whatever reason. Autistic people however, have the inability to make this a conscious thought. Sometimes we don't even realize we're masking at the time we're doing it, but then it ends up exhausting you at the end of the day.

So, if you still think having a mental disability is 'cool' or 'trendy', think again. Because I can guarantee you, you will be screaming for it to stop. I will never know what it's like to be what society classes as normal. You or at least most of you, will.

And it isn't the same as other mental illnesses. ASD can come with depression and anxiety, much like it does with me. But just because you have depression or anxiety, it does not make you autistic.

The worst part is, there's no getting rid of it. There's no cure. With a wide range of mental illnesses, you can get medicated. Not that it makes it go away, it doesn't, but it can lessen the symptoms.

If you are an autistic who has depression or anxiety, you may receive meds for those specific symptoms. But altogether, you can't just pretend the autism doesn't exist because it is with you all the time. Sure, there's therapy to help you cope, but that can only do so much.

Not being able to identify your own feelings, then feeling other people's emotions too deeply, being triggered by tiny things, getting angry over things you shouldn't be getting angry over, having no one to understand you except for yourself, it fucking hurts.