Chpt 36

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   I get into the car, slamming the door as I do. I need to drive, need to get away. I slam on the power and drive as fast as I can, not really aiming for a direction. Not really having a place to go in mind, just driving for the sake of driving. Everything seems so plastic right now. I don't know why we're being considered, I don't like not having Nathan there to jump up and down with and I don't like Nathan getting married. I don't understand when all of this happened. It's all happening way to fast for my liking. I hit the brakes hard, realising where my subconscious lead me. The field behind Nathan's backyard. Oh great, thanks subconscious, it's not like I needed any more of a reminder. But even as I'm scolding myself, I feel my bones wanting to get out of the car, wanting to get into the clearing we always sat in. I can feel my body aching to be in that familiar place just so that I can breathe the air there and pretend, if only for a few minutes, that everything is ok and that we're ok and that Jenny didn't appear from nowhere. So against my better will I step out of the car and head towards the woods. I find the path easily, stumbling a little as I walk towards the clearing. My heart lurches when I see a figure sitting by the lake, feet dipped in the water, head bent. Nathan, I think desperately. I freeze up, not sure whether I should keep going or whether I should stay here in the company of the trees and leaves. Away from Nath, away from the water, away from the clearing and away, far away, from the memories that it's already bringing back. Me and Nathan when we first found it aged nine, me and Nath a few years later having a picnic here, me and Nath lying down in the grass and counting the stars, me and Nath making daisy chains as he whined about the pointlessness of the activity, me and Nath, me and Nath, me and Nath. Too much of me and Nath flooding at me in one wave. I stumble back biting my lip hard, scared of all the memories. Tears prick at my eyes, threatening to fall. I see his head snap up as I accidentally stand on a twig and I freeze like a deer in headlights. "Ivy?" I hear him whisper quietly. I remain frozen where I am, unsure whether or not I should reply and wondering whether my voice will give me away. "Are you really there?" I hear him whisper in a less certain voice, causing my heart to go out to him. He shakes his head and mumbles something to himself and goes back to trailing his hand through the water. I feel a piece of me break inside and almost go out to him, but then I remember Jenny and I remember him leaving me and the girls when we needed him. No, I can't just go running back to him. I walk back towards the car, careful not the make any more noise. I sprint to the car, only to see someone's broken the window. Oh great. It's not like there was anything of value in there, I left my phone at home because I'd left in such a rush, but still the window was broken on the passengers side. I gingerly step into the car and drive it home, this is gunna have to be repaired. 

   I glance at my phone, unsure of whether I should call Nath or not. The girls are convinced that it was him who did this whole thing, him who set it all up. But how would he go about doing such a colossal task? I hardly think he could have strolled in there and asked politely. It just doesn't seem rational to believe that that is how this thing played out. I bite my lip, fingering the buttons, lost in thought. The phone starts to vibrate, making me jump a little and I glance hopefully at the screen, but it's just Tash. "Hey." I say, answering the phone.

"Hey, is your car good to go yet or is it still in the garage?"

"Still being repaired." I reply, sighing. 

"You were pretty stupid to leave it…"

"I do not need reminding of my moment of idiocy, can you just pick me up already?"

"Moment of idiocy?" she questions, giggling as I mumble under my breath about skinning her alive. "Pipe down, I'm coming alright?"

"See you in ten then?"

"Yes, see you in ten," she pauses, as if deliberating something, "and Ivy?"

"Yeah?"

"Think about this logically, it's most likely Nath-"

"Bye Tash." I mutter, hanging up on her. 

   My palms are sweaty as I stand behind the stage, my heart hammering in my chest. "Guys, this is really it." I whisper, not sure what to say. 

"We know Ivy, you've been saying that for the past few hours." Tash whispers, although her previously jokey tone is completely wiped from her voice now. 

"This is really it."

"I'm sure we have just had this discussion." Sash whispers, half laughing. 

"You girls ready?" I hear the receptionist woman asking. I turn to face her and nod.

"You've got the chair-?"

"Centre stage? Sorted."

"Thank you." I whisper, barely able to hear my own voice.

"Best not lose your voice now Ivy, it's kinda important you have it." Tasha manages to joke whilst I just clutch to my guitar.

"Yeah, probably best I don't, eh?" I whisper. I step onto the stage, see the curtains which will go up on our command. I sit in the chair, feeling as if this is all a dream. And maybe it is, maybe this is just me dreaming and I'll wake up and none of this will have happened. I glance at Tash and Sash and they both smile nervously back. Hopefully this will really work, if not we're doomed. I nod and then clear my throat, "We're ready." I say in a voice which sounds a lot more confident than I feel. I see the curtains being moved and I see Sally in the seats, holding her thumbs up. I see Mr.Reynolds with a stern look on his face. I breathe in deeply and do what I always do before performing, look at the very back of the auditorium. I squint as I think I see something, or more accurately someone, moving. I shake my head to rid myself of thoughts of Nathan, he's hardly going to be here. He'll be getting ready for his wedding tomorrow. He has more important things (and people) to worry about than me. I hear Tash and Sash starting to play and I start strumming, giving the best damn performance that I can muster. 

AN: The next part is gunna be the last part... so it's gunna take a little longer then the others (sorry but I want it to be good) 

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