Blessings, Curses, & Confusion | HeeJake |

7

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"I'm sorry, hyung... you say not distance, but.. can't help it. I love you too much. I'm sorry.. sorry."

"I'm sorry..." Jake whispered as his eyes slowly fluttered open. The sun was casting harsh rays through the cracks of the curtains, which had woken the Aussie up. He rubbed his eyes sleepily as he sat up, suddenly wincing. He clutched the side of his head, which was throbbing, and he noticed he was sweating all over.

..What happened? Where am I?

Jake rubbed his eyes again, taking in his surroundings. The room was small and only had one bed placed in the corner, which he had been sleeping on. To his left, there were white shelves with various albums from different music artists on display, and a couple vinyls hung on the wall. Next to those, there was a hanging rack and drawers with clothes neatly hung and folded away. This definitely wasn't Jay and Jake's room. It was way too clean.

His eyes then landed on the nightstand beside him. A small plushie of Buzz Lightyear sat next to a lamp, which had several fanmade Bambi keychains hanging from it. He was in Heeseung's room.

Jake sat in bed confused for a moment. Why am I in Heeseung-hyung's room? Then he remembered everything that happened yesterday-the dance practice, his falling out with Heeseung, and...

Jake's eyes widened and his mouth dropped in horror. I must've been wasted! Did Heeseung-hyung find me? Did I do something stupid? He looked down at himself and realized he wasn't wearing his own clothes.

His heart dropped into his stomach. Did I make a move on Heeseung-hyung? Jake began to panic, raking a hand through his messy blonde hair as his heart started to pound.

Just then, the door cracked open slowly, causing Jake's eyes to snap up.

Heeseung poked his head through from behind the door, making eye contact with the younger before fully entering the room.

"How are you feeling, Jaeyun?" he asked cautiously.

Jake immediately dove under the blanket, covering himself in humiliation. There was no way he could face Heeseung right now.

"Jaeyun," Heeseung called gently. His voice sounded like it was getting closer. Jake trembled as he tightened his grip on the blanket concealing him.

"D-don't come any closer!" the younger said shakily, but the sound of footsteps continued to approach.

"Jaeyun," the older said again, a bit louder this time, but Jake didn't budge.

Suddenly, the blanket was pulled full force off the younger without alarm, causing Jake to gasp. Immediately, the younger tried to get up to escape, but Heeseung was faster, quickly grabbing both of Jake's wrists and pinning him down.

Jake didn't want to see that side of Heeseung again. The icy stare, the iron grip, everything about that Heeseung scared him. It wasn't the Heeseung he knew. It wasn't the Heeseung he loved.

"S-stop! Let go!" Jake shouted, squirming under the older's grip.

"Jaeyun-" Heeseung struggled to control the younger's thrashing, but Jake kept fighting.

"PLEASE! L-let me go-"

"JAEYUN!" the older shouted as a last resort, which made the younger flinch and stop. Jake squeezed his eyes shut.

He's mad. He's mad at me. Please someone, get me out of here-

But then he realized nothing was happening. Heeseung's hands were still wrapped around the younger's wrists, but both the older and the latter had stopped moving. Confused, Jake blinked open his eyes.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't Heeseung's face looking back at him desperately. Tears had begun to drip from the older's eyes onto the younger's cheeks, and his breathing had gone shaky. Seeing Jake look so hurt and afraid of him had broken the older's heart, making him unable to hold back his emotions any longer.

"Hyung.." the younger said softly as his eyes widened. Heeseung wasn't the type to cry easily, and Jake had only ever seen it happen once during I-Land when the older was under extreme stress.

"I'm sorry, Jaeyun-ah.." his voice cracked as he buried his face into Jake's neck, making the younger blink.

"I'm sorry.." the older whispered again as his grip on Jake's wrists loosened. The younger didn't fully understand what Heeseung was talking about, but out of instinct he reached his arms out and wrapped them around the older. He hated to see his hyung cry.

They stayed like this for a bit as Heeseung cried softly into Jake's neck, the younger hugging and patting his back soothingly. Then, Heeseung pulled back and moved to Jake's side, allowing both of them to sit up properly.

"I.. I'm sorry for the way I treated you yesterday" Heeseung sniffled, regaining his composure. "I know it isn't easy for you to go back to being friends and pretend nothing happened. I was being selfish." he said, looking down at his feet.

"...To be honest, it hasn't been easy for me either. After you told me you liked me, I felt awkward and confused, but I didn't want to lose the bond we had. I tried to convince myself we could go back to normal if I acted like nothing happened, but that only made things worse."

Jake stared blankly at the older, trying to process what he was saying.

"For some reason, I started to get upset. I always wanted to be around you, and felt empty when I couldn't. I got jealous when you hung out with the other members instead of me, and I hated seeing you get hurt." Heeseung gestured to the bruise from dance practice on Jake's arm. Then, he looked back up to make eye contact with the younger. "I let my frustration and jealously get the best of me. I'm sorry for being harsh and scaring you." the older apologized again.

Jake went silent for a moment. He felt bad that Heeseung was taking all the blame when the younger himself had also been an emotional wreck for the past few days.

"..I'm sorry too, hyung. You probably wouldn't have had to be so harsh if I hadn't kept running away instead of trying to work it out with you." Jake said, looking down at his hands.

"But... I don't know if I can go back to the way we were." he continued, fidgeting with his fingers. "I like you too much hyung, there's no way I can act like you're just a friend to me. I'm sorry. I know it's weird, but I can't help it." the younger finished quietly, a note of sadness in his voice.

Jake expected Heeseung to grow silent and uncomfortable, unsure of how to handle the younger's feelings. But instead, Heeseung breathed out in what sounded like a half-smirk, half-scoff. "'I like you too much'? It was 'I love you too much' yesterday though."

Jake looked up and stared at the older for a second, not knowing what he meant. Then his mouth dropped. Heeseung's comment made him remember everything he had said while he was drunk-sleeptalking, and the younger's face immediately flushed red. "I-I, about that.. I'm really sor-"

Heeseung laughed endearingly. "You're so cute, Jaeyun-ah."

Butterflies soared throughout Jake's stomach as his heart did somersaults in his chest. "What?" he asked, completely caught off guard.

Heeseung gently took Jake's hands in his own and looked at the younger sincerely. "I don't want things to go back to the way they were either. I like you too, Sim Jaeyun. Will you give me another chance?"

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a/n:

why do i feel like this chapter was so poorly written?? i swear it sounded better in my drafts.. i hope y'all understand what i'm trying to communicate ㅠㅠ

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