Chances with you

Chapter 12 : Ashamed

I woke up feeling the needs to pee, I wasn't sure why there is something warm on my chest. I open my eyes slowly. The surroundings are not familiar to me, it's still hard to opens my eyes wider cause I newly awake. I look under the blanket wrapping around my body cause it's quite heavy and warm. When I uncover the blanket, my eyes went wider. As everything starting to sink in. Something happened between me and Lisa. We did it, we had sex. I facepalm myself realizing how careless I am and how I let my emotion drive me. She is sleeping on my chest, we are still both naked. God help me what to do. I need to find a way to escape myself from her. Lucky it's just her head and left arm that was resting on my chest while her left arm was on my stomach. I snatch the pillow that was on my feet slowly. Fuck, my legs still wiggle, I'm still sore. I still hear her little snore, so that means she still sleeping. I just need to be careful placing the pillow to her. I manage to get myself out of the bed and replace myself as the pillow. 

"Calm down Jennie, you just need to look for your clothes and get out of here" I said to myself. I massage my legs to ease it a little, I need to relax it a bit. I started to look for my underwear first and for my bra. I found my underwear torn apart and I remember Lisa torn it last night. Damn she is so strong, I remember how she grip me and also the stamina--. fuck Jennie focus. Shit, I should look for my clothes right now, I tried to look for my bra, but I cannot find it. I just put my clothes, get my bag and carry my sandal. I stop on my track to check back Lisa who is sleeping.  I decided to approach her and fix the blanket. 

"I'm sorry Lisa, but this is all wrong. I need to protect myself" I said and kiss her forehead slightly, I don't want to wake her up. I continue to execute my plan escaping here silently. I made sure I locked and close Lisa's door. I ran to my room and immediately locked it. She maybe knocks to my door later or maybe she will find a way to contact me, I'm hoping that we won't cross our way since we are leaving in the same building.

I just realize how silent my room is, how lonely I am. I sit on my sofa and cry not because of what I've done last night but how I realize how boring my life is. In just for few hours, I felt back the feeling of having someone like a couples do. But we've done it in a wrong way, we just fucked because we we're horny, not because we both in love or like each other. If you are asking me if I like Lisa. Yes, I like her. From the moment she returns my dog, how she spent her time talking to me, how she appreciates my tea, somehow touches my heart. I told you she is fun to be with and she has this positive vibe, but it never comes to my mind that we get to the point we're things gets unusual. I'm embarrassed on what I've done, I don't want to face her and talk about it, maybe not now. I like the way I'm with her but I'm having the instinct that she would hurt me. Did I judge her too much? Or I'm just afraid to be hurt again so I can't let my guard down?

I'm confused, hurt, afraid and empty. I don't know where to start. I'm feeling lonely but I'm not sure if I wanted to have someone. I felt alone but I'm thinking I'm still not ready yet. I wanted to feel someone's presence, but I'm bothered thinking the what ifs. When making decision in life it's either you will face the consequences, or you will get the prize. I'm not sure if I'm able to carry about the consequences. I don't want to get hurt. 

Lisa. The first time I met you, you look like an innocent person. You're so lovely and fun to be with. You never ran out of topic and your smile was captivating, then the second time I met you. It was in a club. Where I saw you, wilding with two girls. I honestly turned on watching you but somehow, I can tell you are a player who just want to fuck some girls on the way. I got blinded how hot are you last night plus the alcohol made me do it. I sigh and wipe out my tears. Gosh I need a long warm bath today. I'm thinking not going to work as well. OH MY GOD, Jisoo! I just remember Jisoo. I instantly look for my phone. I got 20 messages and 15 calls. I open the message.

Jisoo Unnie : Mandu please forgive me if I left you last night, I tried to look for you, but the bartender said you already left the with the girl. I'm guessing you left with Lisa?

Jisso Unnie : Mandu I went earlier to your house, but you didn't open the door for me. Are you mad?

Jisso Unnie : Please forgive me. :(

Jisso Unnie : Sorry I broke my promise that I will take you home.

Jisso Unnie : Hey, answer my call Jennie. Don't leave me like this.

Jisso Unnie : Are with Lisa? Are you alright? Please reply.

There's a lot of messages about asking for forgiveness. I smile knowing Jisoo cares for me. I decided to call her just to know I'm fine.

Jisoo : JENNIE RUBY JANE KIM! I've been looking for you, you did not go to work, are you really mad at me, you know we can talk about this and I--

Me : Kim Jisoo, I'm fine okay. No need to say sorry, I'm a big girl and I'm fine. Surely not mad at you even just a little.

Jisoo : Are you sure? then why are bot replying to me, and also you did not open the door when I visit you?

Me : I wasn't he--, I was not able to hear it, I I I even overslept and I'm too tired to work so I'm taking a day off right now

Jisoo : Jennie Kim is taking off-work today huh? That's new. Are you sure you are not avoiding me?

Mew : Yes I'm not I'm just dizzy and I don't have the energy. We're good unnie.

Jisoo ; That's a relief Mandu. Are your sure your not faking it?

Me : Yahh! Unnie, I just said tha--

Jisoo: Fine I get it, I get it. I will manage your work here. Take rest a long as you want, just come back whenever you're ready.

Me : Thank you unnie, I owe you this.

Jisoo : You need to buy me some chicken for reward of course, hahahaha. I need to go now, get well soon Jendukie!

Me : hmm Bye!

I sigh again for the nth time, I really need to take a bath now. 

Fuck, I'm still sore.