Hi, I'm Jennie Kim
Let me take you to the story about my love life and how I ended up with someone who's surprisingly the unexpected person I would fall in love with
Lisa, are you the one?
Who could that be? I hope it's Jennie, I'm hoping it's her. Maybe she realizes what I've just said in her door earlier. If she ever heard me? I was running walk towards the door. "Is that you, Jenn-" I'm shocked when I open the door, revealing the one who caused so much pain in me. "Irene." I spoke. I'm still standing in front of my door. I feel so helpless, and I don't know what to react. I can feel the burns of pain in my heart as I saw her face. I thought I move on after all these years, yet I can still feel it all. The memories are starting to flash back in my head. I feel mad, sad, pain and happy to see her back, all my emotions are mixing right now. I should be mad at her for what she done to me, yet I feel happy to see her back. I'm sad thinking about the painful days yet I still managed to survive.
"Lisa, it's nice to see you again. Can I come in?" she asked. "Why are you here?" I said with stern voice. "I came to say goodbye" She said.
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I let her in my house, and I just look at her, she was roaming her eyes around. "You still love to take photos, it seems like you don't change at all" Irene said like she's too confident roaming around and she's smiling like everything seems to be okay between us. "It's my passion and I love capturing beautiful scenery like before, nothing changed about it" I said. "Oh you have cat? What's her name?" she pointed Leo. "It's a boy and his name is Leo" I said. I remember before when we we're together, I really like to have a cat, but she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to see any fur all around the house, also she doesn't want to see any poop. I remember when I cried wanting to have one but she really don't like it. "He's cute and adorable" she compliments. "What are you really doing here, Irene. How did you find me?" I said trying to be stern and give her a poker face. I should hide my emotions, I don't wanna cry anymore.
"We we're young back then Lisa when we both found each other, everything was like a fairytale for both of us. You love me and I love you. Everything was new to us, everything seems to be perfect. We date, we never forget our monthsary, we had a small fight, but we always find a way to forgive each other. Not until we we're almost in our third anniversary, we decided to live together, you almost graduate to college that time. We both trusted each other so much that we get to the point that we never date, we never go to the park, we never had plans to go to the movie, and so on. Our fights turn into days and even weeks, you let me cry over a little things. We even fought about laundry remember?.. Little things we fight over always turned out to be a big fight. Our prides became so high that we tend to fight the urge of how we miss each other instead of saying that we are sorry. I try to keep the words that we promised to each other to not let go, but I guess that's easy to say than to make it true when I felt that I was the only one whose fighting saving our relationship. Of course, it was same as you. We reached to the point that we don't understand each to other Lisa. Sparks are gone yet we just let it happen. We become toxic. Promises becomes unmeaningful, and I was the first one to let you go" Irene said while she cares the top of my hand. She was crying in front of me, and I didn't notice that I am too. I wipe my silent tears, as I realize everything, she said to me.
She's right, I was indeed trusted on we've said to each to other. I overwhelm the feeling that she loves me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. I overwhelm she could never replace me because of the promises we had. I depend to the promise words that I forgot to treat her better. Who would really stay if both of you keeps on fighting over little things? Who would stay if you don't feel important anymore? Who would even like to stay if love is fading away? Would you only stay because of the promises you've said to each other? I never thought I needed this closure. Somehow it eases the burden in my heart, it's true when you get older you understand things not by just knowing it, but by the experience.
I hug her while we both are crying, I feel sorry to all the things I've done to her. I feel sorry for the times that I made her feel less important. I feel sorry that it turns out everything unwell. I should have treated her well, we both should have.
"You are my first love Irene, and my first heartbreak. I'm sorry for not being the better partner to you. I'm sorry that we never make it work out. I'm sorry that I made you look for someone else, instead of me. You're right actually. I hold into the promise that I forgot to take care of it, I forgot to take care of us." I smiled while I wipe my tears. "Don't just blame yourself, Lisa. It's also my fault." Irene said while she's also wiping her tears. "It was all in the past now, let's move on and keep moving forward" I said while she gave me a nod. There was a silence for few minutes, we are both holding hands, intertwine. I miss her actually, I know she misses me too. I can sense it, I know her for all those years. Also, I know that the feeling is different than we we're a lover before. I break the silence by asking her.
"How's you and Seulgi?" I asked. "I guess you know it already, I'm not surprised" she said, I just look at her. "We never been together Lisa because I know we never had a word that we're totally done, but she's always there. Whenever I need a friend, I need a shoulder to lean on, whenever problem I had she was there. We're not in a relationship Lisa, I was not ready yet... Not until today.. That's why I find a way to see you and talk to you because I never had a chance before. I don't want to be unfair with my future because we never had a talk, Lisa.. That's why I said earlier, this is my goodbye to you." Irene said. "So, we are closing our chapter now huh?" I smile to her. I know it hurts a little, but I never thought I will be relief talking back to her, sadly because it's also a goodbye. "Goodbye now, Lisa. You're always my annoying duckling" Irene said. I laugh for what she said, she still remembers our nicknames. "Goodbye too, mean girl" I said. "You are still really annoying. By the way, there was someone at door before I come in. She's really pretty and have a cat eyes" Irene said.
