love on the brain-pablo gavi

Chapter two

I look in the mirror. I have always had this long, nearly black curly hair, I think I only straightend it once or twice. Its like something that belongs to me. Some people have hobbies and I have curly hair. 

The best thing about my room is my own bathroom and my own little closet. I couldn't live with my sisters in one room and the bathroom would look like a complete mess, if they would be here. I always clean my room and everything that belngs to me by myself, because I don't trust other people. Everything is always clean, so the cleaning woman don't even come to my room.

Today I decided to wear a high waisted jeans shorts and a dark red top, that has a cut in the front. I put my shoes on and walk out of the house. Actually I am not allowed to be out alone, because doctors are too scared I could die or kill myself, but since I don't care I do it anyways. 

Since Robert is at FC Barcelona he has training every day and Anna needs to watch the girls, so I can just sneak out without anybody noticing. 

I walk down the hill, till I am nearly in the main city and I am not the only person on the street anymore. The sun fires down, as on every other day in Barcelona. The most people are probably at home or are at the beach, but both are nothing for me right now. The beach is just completly full of people and home.......Well home is too. 

I'm always just on the beach on the afternoon or very early in the morning, so not many people are there anymore. I hate the children screaming and all of the thirteen year olds feeling like they are eighteen and drink and smoke.

I walk through all the people and ignore everyone and everything. I don't know anybody here in Barcelona, because I used to live in Sevilla for a long time. SInce I also don't go to school anymore, because I have a private teacher I only have like two or three friends. But I like it, kinda...

I sit on a bench in the middle of the city with my head in my neck and my eyes closed. I should be the happiest person right now. I am feeling good and it looks like I'm gonna be alive for the day. As I said before I don't care about being dead, so I'm not sad but also not happy when things are going good.

After a while I sit up and walk a few steps closer in the crowd of people.I try to look for a taxi, because I don't want to walk up that hill again. As I finally see one and it stops in front of me and I open the door, I look behind me. The whole time I was feeling kinda stalked and when I look back I see a man sitting behind a bush with a camera in his hand. For a short moment I look at him but then I stick my middlefinger out and sit in the car.

---

It would have taken like 20 minutes to walk up that hill, but with a taxi I'm way faster. I give the taxi man his money and walk to the door. I can already hear my sisters and other people speaking. I'm making a good guess and say that these are people from the team. 

I didn't care about the ones from FC Bayern Munich and the same I don't give a fuck about these. I just walk in the kitchen to get a glass of water and I don't even look at the people sitting at the table. I ignore their stares and their sudden quietness and just fill the glass with water. 

I turn away again to leave to my room, but Robert stops me with a warning call of my name. I stop and slowly turn around, so I face all of them. I only look at Robert to not have to make any embarrasing eye contact. 

"Yes?", I ask and lift my eyebrows. I can see in his eyes that he hates me more than he did before right now.

"Bella", he says again. "These are some of my team collegues". I fake smile at them but only because I can see their faces now. Most of them I don't even want to see. The maijority is probably over twenty but two are not. I know Pedri but I have no idea who the other one is. He has brown hair and also brown eyes. I can't tell by now, but he looks rather small. Maybe even smaller than me. 

After I'm finished smiling at all of them I look back at Robert with my normal face again. When he doesn't say something anymore I just turn around and leave the kitchen. 

---

What do people wear on funerals of people that hated them? 

My mother didn't really hate me, but she was just not that happy about me existing. I look through my stuff and look for something black. Well black is not a problem, but it has to be appropriate for church. 

Belive it or not I do belive in God. Maybe not in all of those storys where somebody walk over the sea, but I belive that there is a reason for all that happens and that is God. Maybe he just doesn't like me, because who wants to be born with a illness that is slowly killing you?

I decided for a black longsleve dress. Its gonna be hot anyways, so I don't need to wear a jacket or anything else.

I walk in the bathroom and slowly shake my hair out, that the curls will be more devined. I look at myself in the mirror. Why am I not sad? It was my mother that died. Somebody that I loved and not just had to live with. I guess its because she hated me. 

I was asked to do a speech at the altar. At first I was sure to not do the speech, but now I decided to do it anyways. Its the last time I will be able to say something about my mother without people saying to me, that everything will be fine or that she just died because god wanted it that way. I don't need to hear that. Not just because I already know all of those things, I also know that people will say that about me. 

---

With a cotton pad I remove my mascara and eyeliner. Before I looked normal, but now without anything that gives me confidence, I just feel like going to bed and not waking up. 

I pull my top over my head just to put an overzised shirt on instead of that. I never really wore pjs. I wonder if anybody even ever did, and at the same time have the feeling of cozyness. 

I hear a knock on my door as I walk in my bedroom. 

"Yes?", I say and the door opens to reveal Robert standing in it. I don't really look at him, I just close my curtains and walk over to my bed to sit on it.

"I just wanted to look for you, I just brought Klara and Laura to bed". I nod.

"Where is Anna?", I ask and look at him.

"Ermm..she is out with friends I think". He scratches the back of his head in embarrassment and laughs quietly. 

"Okay". 

"Sleep well", before I could say anything he closed the door and left me alone.

---

It took me long to finally sleep and when I finally did I heard Anna come home, and the door to Roberts room open. 

"What are you doing here this late", I hear him whispering. 

No answer. 

"Anna?". The last thing I hear is a door getting closed and somebody walking in the guest room.