love on the brain-pablo gavi

chapter thirty-seven

enjoy it

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I don't think that sleeping has ever been an option for this night. It's seems like every thought that comes to my mind involves Pablo. I can't stop thinking about him, about his smile, about everything. 

I like to think that we could one day end up with each other, be happy, but in one night a brain can make you doubt every decision you've ever made. 

The night is dark, too dark for a city like Barcelona but too light to find any sleep. 

It's gonna be okay

I say to myself over and over again. One day everything will may be alright, when I don't have to worry about the things that now keep me up at night.

Seven minutes. Seven minutes until a nurse will come and check if I'm still alive. I am, suprisingly enough I'm not dead yet. It has gotten worse, I can feel it slowly taking over my body and slowly destroying it.

Seven minutes can be long if you're alone, but it can pass in seconds when you're with the right person. 

Dear Pablo,

I remember when I met you, it was the day of my mothers funeral. I remember being pissed at Anna for being such a bitch, I remember running away and then bumping into you. I didn't think that meeting you would have such a big impact on my life, but strangely it did. 

I can't stop thinking about every moment that we've shared together. Some people will say that in a period of time this short, you can't fall for someone this hard. But I did. 

I hate myself for every minute that I couldn't spend with you. I hate myself for being mad at you and not talking to you, rather than spending this time with you, Pablo. It may sound weird and cheesy but it's true, you truly made my life a better one and

I quickly put the small notebook under my blanket as I hear my door open. I didn't know who I expected it to be, but as the nurse steps into my room, I sigh. 

"And what are you doing awake?" She asks in a strict voice, her hands resting on her hips. 

I shrug. "Couldn't sleep". 

The nurse frowns at me as she walks over to the monitor, checking my values. 

"Well, you should rest for a bit, you've looked better". She states according to whatever she just checked. 

"I know". I say quietly earning an annoyed sigh from the nurse.

"If you sleep now, the chances are higher for you to go home sooner". She tries to makes me feel better. 

"Going home isn't an option". 

I take my eyes off the darkness in the room and look straight into the eyes of the nurse. She has green ones, just like yours.

Going home would mean going back to whatever is giving me a headache now, so going home would make everything worse. 

It doesn't take her long to realise that I just want to be alone, so she leaves me, closing the door behind her without making any additional noise. 

I hope you know that from the second that I met you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. It doesn't matter if it's in a good or in a bad way, but I know that you've been on my mind. I want you to know that me being in Barcelona was never planned. Me meeting you was just one of the thousand accidents in my life.