love on the brain-pablo gavi

Chapter five

I wake up with a smile on my face. Thats weird. Evertime I'm completly happy, something is not right, but now it is. My hair looks good, I don't look that fucked up like I did yesterday and I feel incredibly hot. 

I started to feel better about myself when I turned fourteen. Before that I was always very insecure about everything, but now I'm just too confident to feel that ugly like I did before. 

Everything just grew with my confidence. My self love, my bad health and of course I also grew. Not only in a emotional way, but also in a way of size. 

I look in the mirror and smile at myself. It doesn't matter, even if you don't look that good at the moment, always be happy about your body. It was given to you and its a blessing. The most beautiful of all. 

I fix my shirt, that it doesn't slide in the wrong way. Its pretty short, like my shorts but as I already said. When you have enough confidence you can do what you want and wear everything you want to. 

---

I grab the cerealbox and put it on the kitchen island. I take the milk and a spoon. I go up on my toes to grab a bowl and also put it on the island. I don't even sit on the table, I just stand by the kitchen island and eat my cereals. 

One thing that always reminds me that my life is not perfect, is the screaming voice of my sisters. They scream everytime. When they want something, when they don't want something. I would like to scream at them for existing in my life. 

I look up when I see a person walking in the room. It takes me a second to realise who it is. Luis, a pretty famous footballer. 

"Hey", I say and put my hand over my mouth so that the cereal doesn't fall out of it. 

"Oh hi Bella, didn't see you there". He comes over and leans on the island. "Hows life going". 

"Complete shitty, yours?". The humor in my voice was pretty clear to recognize, so he smiles at what I said. 

"Yeah its okay, nothing special is happening". 

"Thats the best that can happen", I say smiling. 

"Whys that?", he asks confused.

"Because", I make a pause and put my bowl in the sink. "When nothing is happening, nothing bad can happen", I say and turn to him again. 

He smiles softly. I like him. He seems to like my homour and doesn't judge by it.

"But that also means nothing good can happen", he says and acts a little bit more serious again. I put my lips out and nod. 

"Yeah", I say. "I will always like nothing happening over something bad happening". 

"And whys that". I think of a reason. It obviosly because I have experied very bad things happening and I would give everything that some things just never happen in live again. 

"I just...think that I don't want to experience bad things again in life". I can see in his eyes, that he knows what I'm talking about. He just nods and thats fine. I don't expect people to know what to say to a person, who is dying her whole life. 

Well when you think about it, we were all born to die.

"Your ready for the game tomorrow, Rob?". I look up again and see how Robert gives Luis the typical handshake. 

"Yeah", he says smiling. 

Sometimes I have weird imaginations. 

I just think about punching this stupid smile out of peoples faces. These awkward smiles, when everybody knows that they usually don't smile and just are the biggest assholes. I can see some people lying punched up underneath me with their teeth knocked out and blood all over their face. 

"Bella?", Luis asks me. 

"Yeah?". 

"I tried to talk to you", Robert says annoyed. I just roll my eyes and lift my eyebrows in fake interest. 

"So, do you want to go to the play tomorrow, for the third time now". I want to say no, but I'm always alone and some events wouldn't kill me. Thats my illness already doing. 

"Yes sure", I say. 

I give Luis a last short smile and then I leave the kitchen.

---

I think I have been more times on this street than I have actually talked to e here in Barcelona. There are a lot of shops and differnt stores. 

I'm looking for something cute to wear for tomorrow. I thought of something short, very new for me. 

I love and hate shopping. I like it when I find things, but when I don't the day for me is ruined. 

Again I sit at my favourite bench now and look at who liked my pic from yesterday. Some old friends and a lot of people I don't know. Also some famous people, who a blue tick but that I don't know. 

I see Pedri liked my picture and guess who did too? The staring guy, named Pablo. 

I hate the name. Everybody is called Pablo, especially here in Spain. I could just ask a random guy and his name is propably Pablo or something like Mario. 

Without any intetion I go up to his Instagram padge and scroll through his pictures. Its nothing interesting, just a lot of photos of training and some other shit I'm not interested in, so I close my phone. 

I lean back against the tree and stare at all the people walking by. Some give me some looks back, but I just ignore them. 

---

I quickly put on my face mask, before it slips out of my hands again. Nobody saw it falling in the sink, so I just pretend it didn't happen. I slowly rub it in my skin and then I leave my bathroom and go in my bedroom to sit on my bed. 

I'm so happy that I have summer holidays, because otherwise I wouldn't be this good mooded.

I'm not that good mooded anymore like I was in the morning , but its okay. I think the talk with Luis really made my mood go up. I didn't know there are people outside, that don't judge me out of nowhere. Luis talked to me like I'm a normal person and I loved it. 

Its sad to say that a talk with someone whos over thirty made me so happy. I should talk to teenagers and people my age. 

---

I look up in the darkness of my room. Its nearly midnight and I still can't sleep. I don't know why but somethings not getting out of my head, and I don't know what. It makes me go crazy. 

Not even in a bad way, its like I'm fucking exited and sad at the same time. I think screaming would help,  but then I would wake up two girls and then they scream and I won't be fucking exited anymore. 

---

Sooooo new chapter. Not the best, but when I read the comments I just wouldn't dare to let you wait. A very big maybe, but maybe a second one will come out today. 

I can't post tomorrow, because I'm at a party.(I'm also suprised, that I have friends). 

Hope you liked it, leave a comment if you did. LY. 

1,2k reads?! I'm dying out of happiness.