𝙼𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚊𝚍 𝙱𝚘𝚢 (𝚋𝚡𝚋)

22.

a/n: guess who's feeling better :p

***
Shawn was laying his head on Jaxon's lap, tears falling from his eyes. Jaxon was running his hands through Shawn's hair.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Shawn hiccups a little, gripping Jaxon's thigh. "I don't...I don't really know what to say."

"Just...Tell me what it feels like," Jaxon says. "Just talk freely. I'll listen."

"It just," Shawn sighs and sniffles. "Whenever something specific happens I feel like I'm there again. And it's not like I'm seeing myself from an outside perspective...It's like I'm actually there."

"Oh," Jaxon frowns. "Maybe it's like...PTSD. I mean, you went through a lot and you've never really spoken up about it."

"It's not that serious, Jaxon." Shawn stares down at Jaxon's legs.

"It is, babe. You need to accept that. M-Maybe you should talk to someone. Like a professional. You went through some intense shit as a child. It's not healthy."

Shawn immediately sits up and wipes his eyes. "W-What? Like...a therapist? Fuck no."

"Hey, it was just a suggestion," Jaxon reaches out to grab his hand.

"I'm not that kind of person. I-I...I don't need that shit."

"It helped me a lot in high school," Jaxon tries. "I mean it helped me conceptualize my thoughts and feelings. I was able to understand how and why I was feeling certain things and ways to manage them."

Shawn furrows his brows. "I know why I feel how I do. My dad fucked me up, Jaxon. It's pretty obvious."

"But you're not managing it in a healthy manner," Jaxon sighs. "You can't lash out and shut down. That's not healthy coping. You need to be able to talk about it."

Shawn sits back on the couch. "What if...What if I'm scared to?"

"That's totally fine. It's normal to be scared," Jaxon scoots closer to him. "I was scared. And I was angry but I did it and it really helped."

"Yeah," Shawn looks at him in his eyes, pleading for sincerity.

"Yeah. It helped a lot with my depression and self-harm. I was taught better ways to cope."

Shawn nods his head and looks forward to stare at the TV. He sighs and lays his head back down on Jaxon's lap. Jaxon immediately puts his hand in Shawn's hair.

"Will you help me with it?" Shawn asks. "Like help me find someone and like...What to say and stuff?"

"Of course, love. I'll be with you every step of the way." Jaxon replies. He leans down, placing a kiss on the side of his head. "Every step."

**
"Therapy?" Gavin asks. Shawn had asked him to lunch the following Monday to make up for the last time.

"Jaxon thinks it'll help. Says I need to find healthy coping mechanisms." Shawn says before taking a sip from his drink.

"And you wanna do it? I mean, you've always told me you'd never go to therapy."

Shawn sighs and nods. "Yeah, I know," He shoves a few fries in his mouth. "But, it's not the fact that I don't want it. I think I need it."

"And what if you don't like it?"

"Then I'll figure it out," Shawn sits back in his seat. "I've just regressed so much shit about him and what he did to me. I don't know...It's like I started to normalize it. Pretend it didn't happen."

Gavin glances up at Shawn and frowns. He remembers one of the first times Shawn had confided in him about what his dad was doing.

It was around 2 am when Shawn was knocking on Gavin's front door. Luckily, Gavin was awake as he and his mom were binge-watching their favorite show, as they did every Saturday.

Gavin's mom, Elizabeth, glanced at him. "Who's that?"

Gavin shrugged his shoulders. "I got it, Ma. Just stay here."

He made his way to the front door when he saw Shawn, who had tears running down his face, covered in bruises. Gavin's eyes widened, "Oh my god. What happened?"

"Uh, N-Nothing. Can I stay here tonight?" Shawn asked as he quickly wiped the tears from his face.

Elizabeth appeared in the doorway as well, checking on Gavin. "Who is it, honey?"

Shawn curses in his head as he didn't want her to see him like this. Elizabeth immediately reached out to bring Shawn into the house. "Oh, sweetheart. What happened?"

Shawn cleared his throat as he looked at her. "Oh, it was nothing...Just a few guys jumped me." He made up the first lie he can think of.

Gavin furrowed his brows as he could hear through Shawn's lie. He knew his best friend wasn't telling the truth.

Elizabeth brought Shawn into the bathroom to clean up the cuts and bruises he had. Shawn took a seat on the edge of the bathtub as she wiped his face.

Gavin was standing in the doorway watching. Elizabeth sighed, "Who really did this to you?"

Shawn glances up at her with teary eyes. "I already told you." He said in a whisper.

"Honey, you don't deserve this. And you don't deserve to protect whoever did this to you," Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Was it your father?" She whispered back.

Shawn looked down at his bloody knuckles. He was able to land a few punches during the fight with his dad. "I already told you."

Elizabeth nodded her head. She unwrapped a bandaid to put on the bottom of his chin. "Would you like to stay the night? I'm sure Gavin had some clothes you can wear."

"Thank you," Shawn doesn't make eye contact with her again.

"Of course, honey. I'll go get you some clothes." Elizabeth walked out of the bathroom, and Gavin joined Shawn.

He sat next to him on the bathtub edge. "What the fuck happened, man?"

Shawn wiped his eyes and shrugged his shoulders. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Gavin reached down to lift Shawn's shirt. "Look at your body, man. You're covered in bruises."

"You can't tell anyone."

"Who did it? Your dad?" Gavin asked.

Shawn looked up at Gavin. "You have to promise me you won't tell anyone. Not even Elizabeth."

"Shawn-."

"Promise me."

Gavin pursed his lips for a quick second before nodding his head. "Okay...Okay, I promise."

***