Seventeen sickfics

Seungcheol - anxiety attack

requested by @ryeoshim

Also I just realised that the request was of the panic attack happening on stage after I wrote it so i'm sorry I accidentally made it occur backstage. 

Note: mentions anxiety and negative thoughts. None of this is real and is purely for the story.

Also if I have depicted anxiety or any other form of mental and physical illness in a wrong way, feel free to correct me as I personally don't understand these types of topics very well. I know that mental illnesses are also stereotyped sometimes so I apologise in advance if at any point it is incorrect or insulting.

Why didn't he want to get back on that stage?

Seungcheol didn't know. He had been performing for 6 years already but this was the first time he had felt this feeling.

Normally, older idols were more confident on the stage right? So why wasn't he? Instead his hands shook and his heart raced at the very thought of going back on the stage and he didn't know what to do.

He was supposed to lead the others and look after them. How could he act 'weak' like this?

'Ode to You'. It was Seventeen's second world tour and the prestigious boy group were only about a third of the way in. Despite that, many members were suffering. Jeonghan, who would occasionally have muscle problems found that now they would ache constantly and many other members also found that their voices were weaker from yelling basically everyday with no vocal rest.

On top of that, a small bug had been travelling around the group, giving its victims hoarse throats and sore stomachs.

To say that Seungcheol was stressed was an understatement, but wasn't he stressed everyday?

This was a new feeling.

The very thought of going back on the stage made him want to puke. His legs, already weak from dancing, had somehow cut all connections to his brain and he found that all he could do was sit on the floor of the bathroom and cry.

Cry for seemingly no reason.

Why was he scared? He'd done this millions of times. The viewers weren't strangers. They were carats, the people that supported him at his toughest moment. The people that he relied on, his only will to live other than 12 young men that were currently frantically searching the premises for their leader.

Seungcheol took a deep breath in.

10 minutes until the interval was over. 10 minutes for him to get his act together and act like a grown up. But why was he getting worse? He'd suffered from far more during their debut days so why was he so scared?

The young rapper sniffled into his shaking hands as he curled up tighter into a ball.

Maybe the reason he was so scared was because the viewers didn't actually care for him. It made sense. He was just there to fill up a spot and to have a title. In reality, he never took care of the members, they always took care of him. He wasn't even a good rapper, Vernon, Mingyu and Wonwoo just carried so that he looked just that tiniest bit better.

By now, Seungcheol's brain had clouded itself with negative thoughts, trying to find an answer as to why he was scared. He just wanted an excuse, something he could blame.

"Cheol?"

The way his name rolled off that tongue used to give him comfort but now, it was like a stranger talking to him. Seungcheol couldn't hear anything with his mind flooded by overwhelming thoughts. A large ringing sound found its way into his brain making him clamp his ears with his hands in an attempt to get rid of the sound but instead, it loudend.

Seungcheol repeatedly hit his head, trying to shake the sound out but nothing happened.

Until a strong hand held his, preventing him from further harming himself.

This hand felt familiar. And what was that smell? The smell of the perfume that would always linger in the air back at home. What was it doing here? The hand later turned into a body as he felt something wrap around him.

He wanted to get out. But it was strangely comforting. The scent grew stronger in this stranger's arms and he felt safe. A feeling that he was longing and looking for.

Seungcheol's laboured breathing began to slow down as his body relaxed into the comforting hug. Without him even noticing, his heartbeat slowed down to a normal pace, his hands stopped shaking and his muscles relaxed. All because of this stranger.

Wait, stranger?

No, Seungcheol couldn't be with strangers, they were dangerous. Especially as an idol. He had to get out. Not only from this person's embrace but out of this building, this country even. It scared him. The very thought of being anywhere but back at home started turning into a fear as Seungcheol pushed against the stranger's chest.

But it didn't budge.

Was he that weak?

Is that why carats didn't support him anymore?

Was he really slacking that much?

Seungcheols heart rate increased once again at the thought of facing his fans as his whole body started trembling against Jeonghan's embrace. Loud sobs could be maken out as Jeonghan tried to comfort him.

This was the first time he had seen Suengcheol like this in all his 8 years of living together and it concerned him. It made his heart break, hearing Seungcheol's desperate cries as he tried to escape but Jeonghan knew, if he let go then he would never be able to enter again.

Seungcheol wasn't there anymore. He was somewhere else. He was in a foreign place that his brain and thoughts had taken him too. Somewhere that no longer had an entrance once his brain brought him too deep in.

Jeonghan pulled Seungcheol into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around the other even tighter.

"The tighter the better" Jeonghan thought, remembering the information acquired from his year 11 psychology textbook. Never in his 26 years of living did he think that he would actually use the information but now, he thanked his past self for choosing the subject.

Jeonghan ran one hand through the rapper's hair while the other drew large circles around his back. A comforting shushing noise impulsively found its way out of his mouth as he finally felt the shaking boy quieten down.

He didn't question the poor boy once he calmed down. Instead he took him out of the building, away from all the people.

Seungcheol felt something steering him. Where? Without even realising, he had left the building and had made it outside. Breathing a breath of fresh air, Seungcheol looked over to his side and was surprised to find that the supposed stranger was actually one of his closest brothers.

Jeonghan.

The mischievous angel that had helped him and supported him from the start. Suddenly being overwhelmed by emotions, Seungcheol collapsed into Jeonghan's hand, sobbing about how he had no idea what was going on.

Jeonghan shushed him, glad that he had escaped the horrendous place his mind had travelled to and led him to a waiting car.

No, he would not perform again. Or not until Jeonghan himself could see that the poor boy was recovered.

1208 words:)

literally why do I write better at 4 in the morning then at school!!!???