Red Silver

S1.C8 - Guest pass (Baku)

"This is not the way I wanted the world to know, I want to clarify that Isabelle and I have a genuine and amazing relationship that had nothing to do with our job, I hope you will all see the beautiful person she is."
This is what Lewis posts on his social media, together with a photo of us, back in Miami on that amazing and happy day, we are both smiling in front of a mirror, he is hugging me from behind while I take the picture.

Last few days media had not be nice to me or to him, from strange theories of me being a Mercedes spy to the most common idea I am just a young girl who wants success, he is used to it but I am not and he noticed that.
"I don't think they will stop but I try" he says showing me the post.
"Thank you Lewis"
"Oh this is nothing, so have you decided? Will you come to Baku with me?"
"Are you sure?"
"I want you there, little star" I love when he calls me little star.

We arrive in Baku on Wednesday with a private flight, the hotel is amazing, I'm still not used to all this luxury.
"I bought you a dress for tonight" he says.
"Lewis, you know I don't like when you spend money for me"
He smiles "But I like spending money for people I love, and when I saw this dress I thought of you"
I take the bag "This is too much, Lewis, it is a Dior"
"Wear it tonight" he looks at me "please"
"Don't do this"
"What?"
"that gaze."
"Like you don't know what you can make me do with those green eyes" he kisses my neck, I feel his hands on my waist.
"I hate you"
"You love me"
He has this power over me, his eyes, his hands, god his hands.
"Stop it"
"Why?"
"You are making me lose control"
He turns me around and whisper in my ear "lose it"
And that's what we do, we lose control, his mouth, his hands, I feel him all over my body.

That night we go out for the first time in a public place, a restaurant in the city centre, different from the little cafe we used to go, outside of the city to not being seen.
He wears a black suit and I wear the dress, it is a dark blue long dress, no sleeves and a really high slit.
"I feel like I'm going to a ball"
"I share the feeling but this restaurant has a really elegant dress code"

We enter the restaurant and get guided to our table, the dinner is delicious. We go back home and go sleep really early, even if I'm not working this time it'll be mentally stressful being back to the paddock as "Lewis girlfriend" and not a Ferrari engineer, Barcellona was so fast that I haven't realised it, but now it's different, I read what they are saying about me, the media and the fans, even my family doesn't understand my choice. Lewis. He does. I love him so much.

I don't follow him on Thursday, for the press day but on Friday I'm there. We wake up early and have breakfast together in our room.
"What will you wear today?" I ask drinking my coffee.
"The pink outfit, the one you chose for me" he smiles.
"Lewis, I wanted to ask you something"
"Tell me"
"I'd love to show my support, is it strange if I take one of your caps with me?"
He lights up "I'll love it"

We dress up and go out for this long day. I am wearing a pair of black trousers and a white top, the Mercedes white cap is tied to my bag.
"Don't worry, it'll be fine" he sees I'm nervous.
"I am not worried, I just don't want to see... my ex team"
He kisses my cheek before getting out of the car and he offers his hand to me, we walk side to side in the paddock, some fans don't even notice me, others look at me like I am a brand new Lewis accessory. Strange. I miss being completely invisible around here.

I spend the whole day between the garage and the motorhome, I am a guest not an engineer but I still look for datas when I see a pc opened. The car here is awful, the porpoising is extreme because we are on a street circuit.

"Com'è girare per il paddock senza dover lavorare? Essere Mrs Hamilton?" [How is it going around the paddock without having to work? Being Mrs Hamilton?]
"Clara"
"Bella borsa, quanto vale?" [Nice bag, how much does it cost?]
"Smettila ti prego"[please stop]
"Oh andiamo, non fare l'innocentina con me. Lo sappiamo tutti qui che, dai Lewis Hamilton, l'hai visto? Cosa ci vedrà mai in te?"[oh c'mon, don't act innocent with me. We all know that, c'mon, Lewis Hamilton, have you seen him? What does he see in you?]
"Ti prego, eravamo amiche" ;please, we were friends]
"Non amiche, compagne di squadra, ma questo prima che decidessi di cambiare squadra, per cosa poi? Delle belle scopate? Perché non credo che si sia innamorato di te per altro" [Not friends, team mates, but it was before you decided you want to change team, and for what? Very good sex? Because I don't think he is in love with you]
I stay there. Speechless. She was my closest friend in Ferrari. The things she is saying really hurt me. Someone is recording everything. Great. The want my bitchy side? They'll have it.
"Ci vediamo in pista" I smile and walk away. [See you on track]
"Ma per favore, il tuo vecchietto durerà poco con quella macchina" ]please, your old man will not last long with that car]

I don't care. I'm ready to give my everything to Mercedes, I want the silver arrows back at the top, I don't care the price. I go straight to Toto's office.
"Come in"
"Hello Toto, I have a request to do"
"Tell me and I see if I can help"
"I want to help. I want to fix that car, I'll give my everything, I'll help with the strategies, with the development, I'll help with everything that you need. I'm not doing this just for Lewis, I'm doing it for the team, I'm doing this also for me, I want to show them that they took a wrong decision. Toto, I know you said you can't give me a job, I'm asking for a place in the team, I don't care about money, you can pay me 50€ per month. This week you give me the datas and I'll show you I'm not joking when I say I'm ready to fight to bring this team back to its place."
"I'm impressed. I like this attitude but I can't give you a job right away, I'll give you the access to our datas after you sign a NDA, and we will se what it'll come"
"I won't disappoint"
Before leaving the track I go back to Toto office, sign the paper and get a laptop.

"Why do you have a laptop?" Lewis asks when I meet him in the parking lot to go back to the hotel.
"I'll explain to you in the car"
I say everything to him, from Clara to Toto "Lewis, I love being your girl and relax the whole day in the paddock, but I need to do something, I saw you today struggling to get off the car and I heard also George is not happy. I want to help and if this is also a way to show Ferrari they are wrong, it's just a plus"
"I love you, little star" he says "And I'm fully supporting you in this, where do we start?"
"Back to our hotel room, I'll have dinner there, you have to lay down for your back, I'll have to learn everything about W13 in one night"
"I'll get some Monster for you" he smiles.

When we get back to the hotel, he order some food and I start reading all the documents I have, I have an idea but I need to see if I can use it on this car. I finally go to bed at 4am so I can sleep a couple of hours before going back to the paddock. I spend the whole Saturday in Lewis room with my little laptop and go out just when he is around to do some breaks.

On Sunday before the race I go to Toto.
"Hi, I have an idea"
"Wait you already have something?" says Toto surprised.
"It's an old idea I got and I needed the documents to be sure we can apply it on this car model"
"I'll send you one of our specialists so you can talk to him"
"Thank you"

I spend the 2 hours before the race talking to one of the engineers, my idea can be applied to W13, they will try it in the next weeks before the Canadian GP and see if it works.
I'm so happy, I finally sit down to watch the race from the garage 44 and it is one of the most painful race I have ever watched. Lewis and George are struggling so much with the bouncing.

Not long after the start the 2 Ferrari both DNFs, engine problems.
"Their loss, not mine, not mine anymore" but I feel bad, not for the team, but for Carlos, I see his face on the screen. He doesn't deserve it.

After the race I go straight to Lewis, he is out of the car but he needed help from some mechanics to get out.
"What a shitty race" he says.
I take his face in my hands "you did amazing out there, don't ever think anything else"
He looks at me and kisses my forehead without saying a word.
I see a camera behind the corner, I don't care, I want to be there for Lewis, always, and if people, like Clara or Ferrari,  think is a weakness, they are, as usual, underestimating it.